Looking Inside

The Beis Hamikdash is really no big deal. It's just a building.

Hey, I didn't say that - Rav Chaim Volozhiner said it. He explained that until we build the Beis Hamikdash in our hearts the external edifice has no significance. When we are filled with pnimius [internal spiritual depth] then the Divine presence will rest in the Beis Hamikdash and it will be the Home about which the Neviim prophesied. We don't just want a building - we want a holy, Godly building. That is created by us.

A lot of young men of Yeshiva backgrounds are looking for a wife. What is the primary concern? Is she pretty. Pretty isn't the word. Many boys are looking for "movie star" looks, models, pop your eyes out!

That is a proof! A proof that the Torah that they have learned is an superficial Torah. That is why they are looking for superficialities. A boy who has learned properly knows that although beauty has its place and cannot be completely ignored, there are other more important considerations when choosing a wife. As long as he doesn't find the young lady [please excuse the word - all Jewish girls are beautiful] ugly, he should consider marrying her. Does she have good character? Bad character is a lot uglier than any physical blemish.

In other words - don't look for chitzonius, look for pnimius. Don't look at her body - look at her soul. [Yes, I also know the gemara that says you should look at her before marriage - once!]

The primary ingredient of the Beis Hamikdash is the pnimius - so too in our homes that constitute mini Batei Mikdash, the primary ingredient must be pnimius. If she has pnimius - the boy will find her beautiful. As Rav Shlomo Aviner [some of whose ideas I borrowed for this post] put it "You don't love your wife because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her."

Maybe Hollywood has had more of an influence on Jerusalem than vice versa.

So guys, let's learn from the girls. They don't care nearly as much about the way we look as we do about the way they look [but then again - they care far more about the way they look than we do about the way we look...]. That is why they remain happily married to us even after our hair falls out and we get fat - and when we have a beard during the Three Weeks. Imagine being married to a girl who grows a beard during the Three Weeks.