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Also - thanks to all those who helped me be a conduit.
LOS ANGELES, CA — The shocking results of a brand-new study indicate that you can actually think thoughts without posting them online.
Contrary to popular belief, human beings appear to have the capacity to think thoughts without putting them on Facebook, X, Instagram, or even LinkedIn, according to a recent study run by the University of California, Los Angeles.
"It's a stunning revelation," said Dr. Bill Travers, one of the study's leaders. "We were absolutely astounded to find that people are, in fact, capable of not posting the thoughts that they think. No one thought it was possible. This is truly a watershed moment for neuroscience... nothing will ever be the same."
Despite the study's results, many in the scientific community are skeptical of the findings. "No way this is true," said Nurse Practitioner Amy Gilbert. "In fact, hang on a moment, I have to go post a TikTok about how this isn't true. See what I mean??"
At publishing time, another groundbreaking study had demonstrated that humans can have birthdays without their spouse writing horrifically cheesy Facebook posts about it.
