Brachos 6b

This is dedicated to Necha Gittel bas Rochel Esther who 18 years ago TODAY dared to do what no woman in history had ever done.

She married me.

The gemara [Brachos 6a] says that כל המשמח חתן וכלה כאילו בנה אחת מחורבות ירושלים - Anyone who gladdens a chosson and kallah is as if he built up one of the destroyed places of Yerushalayim. The obvious question is that it is better to build a NEW building in Yerushalayim than to rebuild a destroyed one. New is always better than old and fixed. So why does the gemara compare bringing simcha to a chosson and kallah to rebuilding something old and not building something new? Also, what does this have to do with marriage?

A thought I had today: Yerushalyim is the source of existence. Chazal teach that the root of creation is Yerushalayim. Everything began in Yerushalayim. To this day, all of our tefillos are directed towards Yerushalayim. Yerushalayim is the focus of our hopes and aspirations for the future. All of the shefa [bounty] of the world flows through Yerushalayim. Yerushalayim is the happiest place on earth - משוש כל הארץ as tehillim has it.

Every human being is WOUNDED. We were sent into an imperfect world where we were hurt innumerable times from the moment of our conception. A fetus can sense any discomfort, tension, anger, pain etc. etc. in his mother and internalizes it. We will never know what a profound influence the months of gestation have on the child. Then as a baby he will often feel abandoned and uncared for despite his parents' best intentions. As he grows up he will be the subject of anger and criticism and hurtful words and an often apathetic, uncaring world. As we grow up we find many of our hopes and aspirations shattered. We are so used to our reality we don't realize the dimensions of the pain we experience. We repress it and move on. But the pain festers within us - whether we are aware or unaware.

In a metaphorical sense, the Yerushalayim within us - that point of existence, of vitality, of joy, is destroyed. We get married to heal our wounds. We want to marry that person who is going to "rebuild us". To show us that we matter, to display unconditional love, to be there for us in times of need. A relationship where we KNOW that REGARDLESS of anything that happens, this person will always remain by our side. A person who will restore our natural joy and zest for life. A person who will help us realize our hopes and aspirations. A person who will rebuild our destroyed Yerushalayim.

By gladdening an chosson and kallah and strengthening their bond it is as if you have built up a destroyed place in Yerushalayim.