Always Bi-Simcha

A Jew always has to walk with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. That means accepting each situation as ideal and being bi-simcha no matter what.

An episode in my life: As is well known, my inability to collect enough money to sustain my own kollel or yeshiva has put me in a situation where I must go around asking [begging?] someone to hire me to teach at their institution. Since yeshivos are struggling financially it is quite hard to break in and find something. So I keep talking to people but nothing.

BARUCH HASHEM!!!!

Then FINALLY! A yeshiva said that they have an offer for me.

Whoa - what a relief. I can now support my family. Baruch Hu Uvarauch Shmo!! I can also teach Torah and that of course is no less important. But wait, I said, what is the offer?

Here it is [sit down when you read this...]: Approximately SIXTY dollars a week [after bus fare] for five hours [including time in transit and not including preparation of shiurim] a day four days a week.

In other words, they took a forty one year old man with a family of seven, with over 20 years of teaching experience [some people even think that I am good...], who has been learning in full time yeshivos from age 15 and offered him significantly less than the delightful black teenager [De-Wayne] who bags your groceries at the local supermarket. I recently read a statistic that the average smoker spends more than that generous offer on his weekly cigarettes. Thank G-d I don't smoke. Then I would be below zero before I started. I have been debating with myself for days if I should be insulted or amused.

I have decided on "amused".

I am a polite guy so I thanked them very much for the kind offer but said that I am compelled to decline.

This is, I guess, Hashem's way of saying "Learn Elchonon, learn! Parnassa is for other people!!:-)"

BARUCH HASHEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!:):)

Then, a close friend whom I love very much, a person who on my scale was far greater than just about anyone I know, a friend that I felt was a true friend and not [like so many people I know] a fake-just-playing-the-game-but-really-self-absorbed-"friend"......

Died unexpectedly after an almost 3 decade long illness. I never got to say goodbye. Last time we spoke I said "I hope to stop over soon and say hello". I walked right by his apartment building a number of times after that conversation but I didn't stop in. Our last conversation was about how friends can fail you at times. He never did.

The only way you will understand the intensity of my pain is if you have experienced some yourself in your own life. The feeling of loss, of knowing that I will never see or talk with him again. The guilt of having been so involved in my own life ["self-absorbed" did I mention before] that I often forgot about him and his suffering. The sadness of not being able to learn from him anymore with his profound and unshakable emuna and complete submission to the will of Hashem. I never realized how much he suffered because he made a serious illness sound like the common cold. I often make a common cold seem like a serious illness. The horrible recollection of times when I had negative thoughts about someone when nothing was further from the truth. I just judged based on externals and his externals weren't exactly my externals. Shameful. A person whose life was completely devoted to chesed, Torah, tfilla and most importantly, respect for every individual, even those different than him. You know that cliche about not appreciating someone until they are gone and then it is too late? It's true. Now I am just left with that gnawing, unshakable, piercing sense of grief.

So it's been a rough last few days....:-)

So sweetest friends, all I can do is, together with you, is to be bi-simcha. Even during the nine days. So taught talmidei Ha-Baal Shem Tov.

I recently sent an email to over 250 people and after I wrote a dvar Torah in memory of a friend who left no descendants, I asked everybody to learn something or do a mitzva in his memory and to please inform me if they did. The reason I asked to be informed is because I was curious to see how many people would respond. Well, the result was one lone email. So I am forced to assume that either a] people are awfully busy and don't have time to say one perek of tehillim for a neshama that left no descendants to remember him in this world [I have learned that it is hard to get people to contribute money but I didn't realize that it would be equally hard to get them to contribute time], or b] lots of people did do something but were so humble they didn't want to tell me. I prefer to assume the latter.

So I ask for this holy friend of mine: Please learn something or do a mitzva li-ilui nishmas my [really] beloved friend R' Yoel ben Pinchas Halevi.

His neshama should have an aliya and so should ours...

Love and blessings to all:).

PS - I gave this shiur li-ilui nishmaso. It is quite "lomdish" so if that is your style, you should enjoy.