I will illustrate one such הנהגה.
I have a very close friend whom I have known for year and spoken to on countless occassions both on the telephone and in person. He is extremely busy, large family, full time job, learns every free second, involved in communal affairs etc. etc. He has NEVER in all of the time I have known him, interrupted a phone call to tell his wife something, answer a call waiting, ask the parking attendant how much it costs or order a burger and coke. Most people are involved in 50 different things as they talk. I recently spoke to a friend I hadn't spoken for the longest time. In the few minutes I spoke to him he must have interrupted 10 times. He is not a bad person, he is actually quite the opposite. But he is also unaware.
This person has also never ever ended a conversation by telling me that he has to go [how do you feel when somone says "I can't talk, I am in a huge rush. Bye...:-)"] If he needs to go he will gently end the conversation. He also looks at me when I talk to him. He really gives me the feeling that he is with me. He has mastered the fine art of transcending his personal selfish needs of the moment for the sake of another human being. [I have a friend who experiences this person in the same way]. When you meet such a person you should make a שהחיינו
There was a famous Jewish Philosopher [important note: In his personal behavior he was quite deviant but I must grant him that he was immersed in something that many practically Observant Jews all but ignore, namely, G-d:-)] whose main proposition is that we may address existence in two ways:
- that of the "I" towards an "It", towards an object that is separate in itself, which we either use or experience;
- and that of the "I" towards "Thou", in which we move into existence in a relationship without bounds.
- This person relates to other people in an "I-Thou" fashion. Almost everybody else relates to others in an "I-It".
- To copy from this Philosophers Wiki page:
- For "I-It," the "It" refers to the world of experience and sensation. I-It describes entities as discrete objects drawn from a defined set (e.g., he, she or any other objective entity defined by what makes it measurably different from other living entities). It can be said that "I" have as many distinct and different relationships with each "It" as there are "It"s in my life. Fundamentally, "It" refers to the world as we experience it.
- By contrast, the word pair "I-Thou" describes the world of relations. This is the "I" that does not objectify any "It" but rather acknowledges a living relationship. "I-Thou" relationships are sustained in the spirit and mind of an "I" for however long the feeling or idea of relationship is the dominant mode of perception. A person sitting next to a complete stranger on a park bench may enter into an "I-Thou" relationship with the stranger merely by beginning to think positively about people in general. The stranger is a person as well, and gets instantaneously drawn into a mental or spiritual relationship with the person whose positive thoughts necessarily include the stranger as a member of the set of persons about whom positive thoughts are directed. It is not necessary for the stranger to have any idea that he is being drawn into an "I-Thou" relationship for such a relationship to arise.
You will probably not be surprised to hear that the aforementioned individual is one of my favorite people on the planet. I hope to find more such people.
