There is a lot of talk today in light of all of the accusations of sexual abuse and harrassment about the objectification of women. But of course there are much deeper roots to the problem. The abuse is only a פועל יוצא - an outgrowth, of an internal, cognitive-emotional-spiritual-cancer. Treat the root and the symptoms will disappear.
Let us try to understand what this objectification is all about.
In fact, men don't just objectify women - they objectify MEN as well. Not in a sexual way [if they are straight] but as an object that is only useful if "it" serves my needs. The other is an "it" and not a "you".
Let me give an example. You are standing in shul and waiting to daven. You only have 9 men. BUM-MER. OK - So you look around outside for one more man. "TZENTER TZENTER" ["tenth, tenth"] you call out. Do you CARE about that missing man as an independent living, breathing person who have inherent value outside of enabling you to daven? Generally - not. If you see a woman you will be disappointed because she can't complete the minyan. You want a tenth man - not dinner. The woman becomes useful when you are hungry and she can cook. She is an object. He is an object. He completes the minyan. She cooks dinner. If you see a child, you will ask him "How old are you?" If he says 13 and he needs to daven, you hit the jackpot. If he says 11 or he already davened, you lost. You don't really care if HE wants to daven and join the minyan or not. You don't care about how he is doing in school, how he gets along with his siblings etc. etc. He is only useful if he completes the minyan for YOU. Otherwise, he is useless. He is an object. An "it" and not a "you".
The example of a minyan is significant because a minyan is a WONDERFUL THING. But even when we are doing wonderful things, we objectify others. Objectification is wrong even when done in a positive context.
A less pure example. You see a good looking woman on the street. At that moment she ceases to be a human being with a whole range of emotions, thoughts, hopes, aspirations, fears, beliefs etc. etc. At that moment she is one thing - a sex object. Not for long. Because one moment later you will forget she ever existed. You will see another good looking girl and the previous "relationship" will be discarded to the dustbins of history. But something horrific happened. A human soul was transformed in your mind into an object of raw, physical desire. It is actually a subtle, legal [according to secular law] form of rape. Using the body of another human being for your own pleasure without the other person's consent. [If she dresses in such a way as to attract the stares of men then she tacitly expresses consent but just because another person wants to be viewed as an object doesn't mean that we should treat them as such. The reason is that deep down women don't really want to be viewed as sex objects. They want to be loved, admired and appreciated. They just feel that the only way to achieve those goals is to dress - or not dress - in alluring ways. By the way - a lustful glance is also אסור דאורייתא but this is not a halachic essay so we will leave that point aside].
We all do it, unless we are angels. Every person is a potential object. If he is rich and you are poor, then he is a potential source of money. If he is well connected and you are not, then he can be a source of connections. If he is a doctor and you are not well then he is the source of healing and improved health. The bus driver is an object that brings you to your destination etc. etc.
Women objectify men also. Not necessarily as objects of physical pleasure [although that happens too] but, for example, as objects of financial stability. So when a girl looks to get married, the anonymous boy is less a human being and more a means to live a comfortable life. A woman will objectify other women as well, viewing them as a means to meeting her emotional or material needs. If they don't serve any purpose for her, then they lose all significance.
When we get a phone call or email, we decide whether to answer based on whether this person serves our purposes. How does this "object" fit into my life? What will I get out of the deal if I answer? He is rarely seen as a person who wants or needs to get in touch with you and deserves your time and attention by virtue of him or her being created in the image of G-d.
"G-d". He is ALSO viewed as an object. He will give me health, money, nachas from my children, long life, the world to come etc. etc. He is a slot machine. We "insert" our mitzvos and prayers and learning and we want all of the coins and prizes to flow out in great bounty. Do we care about HIM? About HIS nachas [כביכול]? Rarely, if ever. When we do an aveirah we feel badly because WE goofed or because WE fear that we will be punished. When we do a mitzva we feel good about OURSELVES. It has little or nothing to do with HIM. He is just an object.
I have been treated like an object countless times in my life. People were really nice when they needed me but the MOMENT they decided that they didn't, I ceased to exist in their minds, even to the point of harming me when it met their goals. Of course, I deserved it for all of the people I viewed as objects. For all of the times, for example, I viewed my mother as an object of my need to have clean clothing [or clothing at all for she is the one who has always - and still does despite my protestations to the contrary - bought my clothing. Nothing like a Jewish mother. הודו לה' כי טוב!] or my father as someone who will pay the bills.
This objectification of the other is - I don't think I am exaggerating - the root of all evil. It is the root of all הקנאה התאוה והכבוד המוציאים את האדם מן העולם. How can I be jealous of someone else having things I don't when I view him separate from my own personal reality and needs? Lust is pure [or better "impure"] egocentric desire for someone else to give me pleasure. [The story in the Navi of Amnon and Tamar is classic. First he wants her. Then he rapes her. They she is disgusting in his eyes. Complete objectification from beginning till end]. When one seeks honor, the other is an object used to achieve a personal sense of importance.
Freedom of the soul is achieved when we begin to view others as people who have NO LESS SIGNIFICANCE and are no less valuable than we are. Nobody is merely a vehicle for us to achieve OUR goals and to fulfill OUR wishes. People are holy entities with inherent value beyond any utilitarian value we might think they possess for us.
When a person starts viewing people outside of their own "need base", when a person starts viewing Hashem as a Being who wants a healthy relationship with us and not just as a means to getting what we want, his soul will be redeemed [גאולה פרטית].
It says in this weeks parsha that when Rivka was having a lot of pain in pregnancy "ותלך לדרוש את השם"- She went to seek out Hashem. When you have a problem, remember that the goal is to seek out and search for a connection to Hashem. The problem is just the catalyst. Look primarily for the relationship - not just for the solution. If one just wants the solution, then, G-d forbid, Hashem is transformed into a heavenly candy machine. Hashem is not an "it. He is a "He".
It says in this weeks parsha that when Rivka was having a lot of pain in pregnancy "ותלך לדרוש את השם"- She went to seek out Hashem. When you have a problem, remember that the goal is to seek out and search for a connection to Hashem. The problem is just the catalyst. Look primarily for the relationship - not just for the solution. If one just wants the solution, then, G-d forbid, Hashem is transformed into a heavenly candy machine. Hashem is not an "it. He is a "He".
