When people get married they think that they are in a relationship with another person. They are only partially correct.
You can only have a relationship with another person if you really know the person. Otherwise, you are having a relationship with yourself through an imaginary person. When you are first married - you don't really know the other person. The truth is that NOBODY ever completely knows another person - or even oneself. This is b/c the essential self is the soul which is rooted in infinity. The depth and complexity of every human soul is beyond any full human understanding. The more one is relating to the totality of another person, the more real the relationship is. So the longer you know someone, the better you get to know them, the better you get to know yourself and thus the more authentic the relationship. Marriage is a continuous learning experience - or at least it should be.
Sometimes, one is living a complete fantasy of who another person is. When we first meet someone we form an impression based on various externals but literally miss out on the real person. I remember yeeearssss ago once seeing a woman in my neighborhood and I was taken by how modest and pure she looked. Then she spent a good amount of time in jail for severe child abuse. Oh. Was off on that one. There are people walking around in very frum clothing who watch pornography on the internet but when you see them they make the impression of being a Charedi Jew, a true Yarei Shomayim. I see people chuckling like a Lulav during davening and I know that they are liars and thieves [b/c they lied to and stole from me]. Other people look not so great on the outside but on the inside are amazing people. We are ALL a mixture of good and bad, pure and impure, holy and less holy. We all believe in Hashem but don't believe in Hashem [which would explain our study of Torah, giving Tzdaka, Chesed etc. etc. together with lashon hara, not having kavana during davening, wasting time etc. etc.]. Most of our perceptions of others [and to a certain extent ourselves] are based on pure imagination. It is very rare that we get to know people very well [and never completely, as I noted]. People are very, very, veeeeeery complex. At our deepest root we are a holy, pure G-dly soul but this G-dly soul is met on the way with many yetzer hara's, challenges, traumas etc. etc. Tshuva is [according to some] to return to our pure root and shed all of the bad stuff that got attached.
People think thousands of thoughts daily. That is what is going on inside the person. How many of those thoughts are you privy to? Almost none and even the thoughts they may share with you may or may not be accurate and true and are only what they choose to reveal.
If you think Hashem has a body and serve that Hashem then you are not having a relationship with Hashem but with yourself through Hashem. If you think that Hashem wants you to serve a Rebbe as the center of your life then you are not serving Hashem but a human being [called "עבודה זרה" in the vernacular]. If you think Hashem only cares about the mitzva of living in Israel and serving in the army then again it is not Hashem you believe in but a self creation of a non-existent reality.
Takeaways:
1] Don't judge people so quickly. You don't really know them. Only their therapist [if they have one] is the closest to actually knowing them. And even after hearing the person be so self revelatory even the therapist has a lot to learn.
2] Study about Hashem. The more you learn, the closer you will get to knowing Him. We will never know Him in His Essence [עצמות] kaviyachol but we must try to know Him as He reveals Himself to us.
