ROME (AP) — Pope Francis first said Donald Trump’s plans to impose mass deportations of immigrants would be a “disgrace,” as he weighed in on the incoming U.S. president’s pledges nearly a decade after calling him “not Christian” for wanting to build a wall along the U.S.-Mexican border.
Pope Francis then issued an official statement today demanding that God remove the gates that surround the Garden Of Eden.
From deep inside the forty-foot walls of Vatican City, Pope Francis strongly condemned the God of the Universe for having gates at the entrance of His place of eternal delight and not simply allowing anyone inside.
"God is once again in the wrong," explained Pope Francis. "How can anyone claim to be loving and kind, yet not have an open border? I am hereby calling on the Lord Almighty to remove these terrible gates and allow everyone to roam in and out of Heaven as they please. Oh, and also provide free healthcare."
The Pope was further disturbed to learn that God has a long-standing vetting process that souls must go through before being allowed to receive their eternal reward. "I am disgusted to learn that Heaven screens people before allowing them in, checking if people's names are on some list called the 'Book of Life'," said the Pope. "It seems there are several things about being loving that God needs me, Pope Francis, to set Him straight on."
At publishing time Pope Francis reportedly insisted that the Western Wall be taken down. "No more walls", asserted His Popeliness.
