Finally - A Yid Who GIVES IT TO ME:-)

Today I received an email that had a very angry tone. Before attacking me, my views and my blog, my beloved critic asserted in response to this, that "most roshei yeshiva that I know [in Israel] feel very strongly that it is wrong to have separate seating at weddings for the friends of the chosen and callah. If the youngsters can't meet in a supervised setting full of adults and kedusha, where should they meet?!"

I am aware of this argument and have heard it many times. I was not saying that it is not true that young people can meet at smachot but that it is not "forbidden" to have separate seating. The truth is that there are many, many tshuvos that have been written about the issue of separate seating at weddings. Many poskim take the position that it is absolutely obligatory [based on Succah 52a]. That is actually the simple explanation of the gemara. Others [like Rav Moshe] say that it is not absolutely necessary. But I have yet to see anyone [and I have seen quite a bit] who recommends mixed seating as an ideal. If anyone can point me to a world class authority who maintains such an opinion I would be indebted. If there is such an authority he is in the minority. I don't know to which roshei yeshiva my beloved friend refers.

As to the question where young men and women will meet? I think the high marriage rate in the charedi world where all simchas are separate seating is a testimony to the fact that there is a solution:-).

As for the rest of his email - I quote:

This post, like many others on your site, is simplistic, neochareidichasidish pandering to the lower common denominator, without relation to the world that people actually live in.

You can live a life of true kedusha without leaving the world of torah; with immersion in the world that Hashem created; without substitution of a new paradigm of a lifestyle that was invented in New Jersey [of all places] 60 years ago.

Well, maybe you can't, but the rest of us can. Why do you feel the need to push your agenda on the rest of the yidden?

I don't understand:-). Why is an assertion that the gemara and shulchan aruch never say that it is forbidden to have separate seating [while in numerous places it says that it is a must] not relating to the world in which we live? Why is it simplistic? What else do I say that is simplistic? What does it mean to "pander to the lower common denominator". As to the accusation that I am neochareidichasidish, I am not sure I agree, but even if I am - why is that bad? Maybe that is what I believe in? I am 43 years old and have been learning full time for close to 25 years - am I not allowed to follow my religious inclinations?

I agree that You can live a life of true kedusha without leaving the world of torah.

I am not convinced that my lifestyle was invented in New Jersey 60 years ago [I assume that he is referring to Lakewood]. But I will say this - If the gaon and tzadik Rav Aharon Kotler tells me to live my life one way based on his understanding of the Torah and an admittedly far less knowledgable Jew tells me otherwise and I have to choose between one of them - I won't hesitate:-). עם כל הכבוד...

 "Why do you feel the need to push your agenda on the rest of the yidden?"

SWEETEST FRIEND!!! I "push" my "agenda" on nobody. I have no agenda. I just want to spread a heightened sense of ruchniyos and good character. I don't get paid for this. Aderaba - I have no money at all:-) [I take this opportunity to bless you that you should never know what it is like. You should always sleep well at night without worry and have enough money to pay dental bills and tuition for your kids. You shouldn't be scared for your children to get married because you can barely afford bus fare to the simcha:-). I also bless you that you don't have any of my other problems. Trust me - that's BIG:-)!] I don't get kavod for this. I live in a neighborhood where people don't read blogs and Internet access is not considered acceptable [except for work if absolutely necessary]. I have been told by many people that my words affect them positively and if I can somehow help someone become a little better, then I will try.

Maran HaRav Kook stressed the importance of finding a grain of light in everything - even falsehood. When one goes deep enough he can find truth and holiness in almost everything. I believe that if one looks at the blog with an ayin tova - he can find something positive and not only a "simplistic neochareidichasidish agenda pandering to the lower common denominator".

Bi-ahava rabba and with the hope we can be friends,
Me:-)