From my archives....
Last week we spoke about the kiss given by Yaakov to Rochel. This week I would like to continue with that theme and talk about hugs and kisses. People are inhibited and don't allow themselves to hug and kiss others enough, even close family members. In shul people shake hands which I generally find to be cold and distant. It feels like they are holding on to your hand to make sure you don't get too close. Of course everyone needs personal boundaries but people are so busy protecting themselves that they never allow themselves to get close to others. So please, hug and/or kiss your children [even the big ones] at least four times a day. You can hug your neighbor, too, from time to time. Hug your boss. It's rough at the top [I talk as a former CEO of a major corporation - only minutes before my alarm clock roused me from my slumber]. Hug your chavrusa - he is helping make your life more meaningful and bringing you to olam haba. Hug your best friend and tell him/her that you love them. If they ask what got into you, tell them that you read this WEIRD blog.
Eisav ran to hug and kiss Yaakov when they had their historic meeting. "And Eisav ran towards him and hugged him, fell on his neck and kissed him" [33/4]. Rashi explains that when Eisav saw Yaakov bowing down before he felt compassion and gave him a real, sincere hug. In the sefer Torah, on top of the word וישקהו - "He kissed him", there are dots. These dots are meant to allude to us that something different is going on over here. Rashi offers two interpretations. 1] Some say that he didn't kiss him with all of his heart. 2] Rebbe Shimon Bar Yochai says that Eisav hates Yaakov, but here, he he felt special compassion and kissed him with all of his heart.
There are numerous questions. We will mention two:
1] There are no dots over the word ויחבקהו - he hugged him. That means that nothing special is going on. Why are there dots over the word וישקהו but not over the word ויחבקהו.
2] Last week Lavan kissed Yaakov [29/13]. There we don't have dots at all. Why is that case different. Lavan was quite a shady character himself.
Who is Eisav? Let us psychoanalyze him with the help of Chazal. It says in Mishlei [21/ 8] הֲפַכְפַּךְ דֶּרֶךְ אִישׁ וָזָר, וְזַךְ יָשָׁר פָּעֳלוֹ - The way of the man is inconsistent and strange, but a pure one's every deed is upright. Chazal say that the inconsistent one is Eisav and the upright one is Yaakov. Eisav is unpredictable. One second this way, the next second that way. He is fickle and unstable.
Eisav sees Yaakov, he hugs him. Everything is fine. But them something happens. He fell on Yaakov's neck. One little change like that and you don't know what Eisav will do next. It is IMPOSSIBLE to trust that Eisav will remain consistent. According to the first opinion - in fact, the kiss wasn't sincere. The hug was but the kiss wasn't. In seconds everything changed. According to the second opinion the kiss was sincere but there was still a potential change. After the hug, anything can happen. Remarkably, what happened was that Eisav once again felt compassion towards Yaakov. But according to both opinions, there HAS to be some change with Eisav. He was a הפכפך. A fickle, unpredictable, unstable person [I know a few people who remind me very much of this quality. You never know what they will do or say next. One second he is your best friend and the next second he hates you. Therrrraaaappppyyyyyy!!!!:-)].
When Lavan kissed Yaakov there was no change. The whole thing was fake. He hugged him to see if he has any money on him and he kissed him to see if Yaakov is hiding the money in his mouth. No dots are necessary because nothing changed. Lavan is a liar from beginning to end. Eisav is one second a tzadik the next second a rasha.
Eisav CRIED BITTER TEARS when he lost the bracha to Yaakov. He wanted the holy bracha. Minutes later he said that soon Yizchak will die and he will kill Yaakov. How will Yitzchak die? Chazal say that Eisav planned to hire Yishmael to KILL HIM! One second he is so holy, he wanted the bracha from the tzadik and the next second ..... he is ready to kill him.
At the end of days the tzadikim will be in gan eden and Eisav will be sitting there with his tallis and Hashem גוררו משם will drag him out of there. Why does Hashem Himself need to take him out? Shouldn't everybody protest and kick him out?? Eisav can be holy. He is wearing a tallis. He looks like a huge Rebbe. Hashem is גורר him, as it says מצוה גוררת מצוה ועבירה גוררת עבירה - meaning, Hashem wants to see where this holiness will bring Eisav. Will it last?? The answer is - no! מי יעלה בהר השם ומי יקום במקום קדשו - Who will go up on the mountain of Hashem and who will stand in His holy place. Anyone can climb the mountain of Hashem. The trick is to remain there standing, not to lose the passion [Apter Rov - Parshas Vayera]. אדם ביקר בל ילין נמשל כבהמות נדמו - A person is יקר he davens well, learns well. Awesome! But if בל ילין - if he doesn't stay with it, נמשל כבהמות נדמו - he is like an animal [Rebbe Bunim based on Tehillim - quoted in Sfas Emes Vayeitzei]. Eisav is wearing a tallis. He screams שוככככככןןןןןן עעעעעדדדד מרום וקדוששששש שמוווווו . But minutes later he is surfing the net and going to the most disgusting sites. Eisav's head is in gan eden but the rest of his body doesn't follow. He has great ideas but they don't last.
In the book of Rus, Orpah kissed Naomi goodbye and that very night was involved in the worst acts of promiscuity [including with a dog]. Rus remained with her mother-in-law Naomi. Her grandson was Dovid Melech Yisrael and Moshiach. Chazal call Dovid "ben hadvuka" because his grandmother was דבוקה stuck with to Naomi. Chazal say that the son of the נשוקה [Golias the grandson of Orpah] will fall in the hands of the son of the דבוקה [Dovid the grandson of Rus]. BECAUSE Rus know how to hold on to her spirituality she merited that her children should be victorious over those who can't hold on. In fact, the word דבוקה us related to the word חבוקה [as we say in the hoshanos חבוקה ודבוקה בך]. We have to hold on.
We all have a little Eisav inside of us. We start a chavrusa and then start cancelling until we stop altogether. We decide to speak less loshon hara and after a short time find ourselves speaking as much as we used to. We take upon ourselves all sorts of spiritual positive projects and quickly become lax in keeping them. We promise ourselves to be nicer to our spouse, to criticize less, to be more understanding, but it rarely lasts.
This week is a GREAT opportunity to free ourselves from our negative patterns for once and for all. To have a firm resolve and keep our kabbolos no matter what. If we have a shiur or chavrusa - we will come no matter what. If we decide to hug each of our children four times a day for at least a month - we won't miss a day!
Have a sweet-delicious-hugging-
Love and blessings!!!
[Based on last night's chumash shiur from Mori Vi-rabbi The Tolna Rebbe Shlita - Yerushalayim Ir Hakodesh]
