Monday, July 10, 2017

Nobody Is Against You

Here is a "sinah-buster" for this period where we work on eradicating the hatred that caused the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. 

We sometimes think that people are AGAINST us. This is RARELY true. People are not against us. They are FOR themselves. Let me explain.

People are born VERY self-centered. Look at a baby. All he or she is concerned with is him or herself. As they grow older we try to teach them to care more for others but the basic concern and care for oneself which overrides just about everybody else remains. We just fake it in order to be socially accepted.  

That explains why it bothers us FAAAR more when we can't find our car keys or we get stuck in a bumper to bumper traffic jam and are late to an important meeting or have the flu or our computer crashes than it does that there are hundreds of millions of people who are malnourished, can't get a clean glass of water and don't have adequate shelter. That is why we can't sleep at night because of our own problems [or because of the problems of close family members] but not because of other people's problems. That is why I personally rarely cry but when I do it is because of my own pain and not because of the pain of others. Their pain I can deal with - it is my own that I sometimes find overwhelming. That is why nobody goes to a psychologist because he is depressed about his friend's problems but always about his own. That explains [in part] why if you want someone's time or services it will cost you money [except your mother] - even if they don't need your money because they have plenty with which to live. That explains LOADS of things.

So when someone lets you down, disappoints you, insults you, "disses" you, is insensitive to you etc. etc. it really has little or nothing to do with you. It is all about them. Everybody has their own personal agenda's, list of priorities, needs and desires. They don't awaken in the morning and think how they can hurt you. They wake up in the morning and think about THEMSELVES - What do I have to do today? Where do I have to go? What are going to be today's challenges? Where am I going to get lunch? Which kids do I have to pick up today etc. etc. People are really too self-absorbed to grant you any special importance. That is human nature and it is a big avodah to overcome. 

So when someone doesn't answer a text of yours don't take it personally - it says a lot about them but nothing about you. When your spouse isn't the loving being you want him or her to be it is nothing personal - it is merely a personality defect. Not everyone can be the Ahavas Yisroel of Vizhnitz [who got that name for a reason]. A person who is super-developed emotionally and spiritually will love you regardless of what is going on in their lives and regardless of what you did or didn't do for them. If someone is not there for you then it is about them and not about you. It is not that the person is malicious [usually] but just self-absorbed and under-developed emotionally and spiritually. 

Don't take it personally.

If you want "revenge" - resolve to be a loving person who never hurts others and is always there for others with love, a smile and an open heart.