If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
Have you noticed that whatever sport you’re trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.