I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.
Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
As I watched the dog chasing his tail I thought "Dogs are easily amused", then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail.
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance; we'll see about that.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Whatever you do always give 100% - unless you're donating blood.
I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore.
