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We know that marriage takes place in two stages - First Kiddushin and then Nisuin. Kiddushin we all know from the mishna is effected either by money, a document or bi-ah. What effects nisuin?
Some say bi-ah or yichud, as the Rambam writes:
Even when [the husband] consecrated [his arusa] by having sexual relations with her, he is forbidden to engage in sexual relations with her again until he brings her to his home, enters into privacy with her, and thus singles her out as his [wife]. [Their entry into] privacy is referred to as entry into the chuppa, and it is universally referred to as nisu'in. When a man has relations with his arusa for the sake of [establishing] nisu'in after he has consecrated her, the relationship is established at the beginning of sexual relations. This causes her to be considered his wife with regard to all matters.
Others suggest that nisu’in is achieved not be an act of (or a situation which enables) marital intimacy, but in a more formal manner that reflects their marital relationship. For example, The Ran (Ketubot 1a, s.v. oh) cites a view that describes nisu’in as the bride entering the husbands “domain” (see also Hagahot Ha-Gra, Shulchan Arukh, EH 55:9). Interestingly, some Rishonim (see Tosafot, Yoma 3b, s.v. le-chada) maintain that nisu’in is marked by the bride going out with her special head covering (hinuma). This view is somewhat curious, as according to our custom, the nisu’in would thus be performed at the “badeken” (when the chatan lowers the veil over the bride’s face), which is performed before the kiddushin.
The Shulchan Arukh (EH 55:1) cites a number of views regarding the definition of nisu’in/chuppa. R. Yosef Karo writes:
This seclusion (yichud) is known as entering into the chuppa, and it is called marriage in all places.
R. Moshe Isserles (Rema) adds:
There are those who say that the chuppa is not considered seclusion. Rather, the groom must bring her into his house for the purposes of marriage (Ran at the beginning of Ketubot).
And there are those who say that the chuppa is when they spread a cloth over her head at the time of the blessing, and there are those who say that a virgin's chuppa is when she goes out in a headdress, and for a widow when they become secluded.
The Rema concludes:
The simple custom nowadays is to call the chuppa a place where they place a cloth on poles and bring the groom and bride underneath in public, and he betroths her there and they say the blessings of betrothal and marriage, and then they walk them to their house and they eat together in a secluded place. This is how the chuppa is done now.
See the Talmudic Encyclopedia ערך חופה.
What is TROUBLING is that Kiddushin is CLEARLY spelled out by the mishna while nisuin, a no less critical phase in the relationship, is left to our imagination. So the Rishonim and Acharonim have to scramble to figure out what it is! Why is that? Morever, the poskim say to perform all of the kinyanim - מה שבטוח בטוח!
The Steipler writes :
והנראה דהקידושין הם קנין מצד הדין שמכח הדין כבר היא אשתו אבל במציאות אכתי אינה ברשותו לנהוג בה כאיש ואשתו והנשואין הם עשיית המציאות שמעכשיו היא כבר במציאות אשתו ואזי חל עלה תורת ביתו זו אשתו [יומא די"ג] ותורת שאירו זו אשתו [סנהדרין כ"ח] וכל כמה דלא כניס לה במציאות לא נקראת ביתו ושאירו, ומשו"ה אינו יורשה ולא מטמא לה ואינו מפר נדרי' דבעינן שתהא ביתו ושאירו. ולפי זה י"ל דכמו שיבמה א"צ כוונה לקנין משום שכבר זקוקה ועומדת היא ה"נ לקנין נשואין א"צ כלל כוונת קנין כיון שכבר קנויי' ועומדת לו, ומשום הכי א"צ שיתכוונו לשם קנין. והא דנתייחדה עמו שלא לשם נשואין לא משוי לה נשואה היינו משום דצריך עכ"פ כוונה להיות מעכשיו במציאות ברשותו כדרך איש ואשתו דאל"כ אין כאן מציאות כניסה אבל כל שהסכימו להיות כנוסה אצלו מעכשיו ועשו מעשים המועילים לשוויי' כנוסה כגון ביאה וחופה שפיר נעשית נשואה אע"פ שלא נתכוונו לשם חלות קנין אלא לשם כניסה במציאות.
WOW!! Says the Steipler: Kiddushin is a proper formal act of acquisition, nisuin is NOT. Nisuin is the act of living together as husband and wife but not a kinyan in the formal sense. According to this one would not need special כוונה to make a kinyan.
I saw someone suggest that this is why the mishna [and gemara] don't spell out what the nature of nisuin is. It all depends on what is considered a husband and wife being a couple. So it could be bi-ah, yichud, bringing her into his home, spreading the cloth over her head [what we call the badeken] etc.
This Steipler goes on to prove from a Rashi who says that Chupah of minors can be done before Kiddushin [as is our badeken] which is only done after they have reached adulthood [a child cannot halachically perform Kiddushin]. Now, if Nisuin is a kinyan then it would make no sense that it could be done before Kiddushin when they are still minors [because minors can't have כוונת קנין] but if it the act of being man and wife then it can be done before Kiddushin and after the Kiddushin is effected they are automatically married. It is a מציאות and not a קנין.
I googled "kinyan nisuin" to see what I find and the second item that came up was this. TEN YEARS AGO!! I was soooooooooooooooooo young then!:-) [I estimate that I was ten years younger than I am now]. I started listening. Sounds REALLY interesting... [Update: From the 28 minute mark Nisuin is described as a מציאות as in this post]. If I may say so myself. But still: וְאָנֹכִי תוֹלַעַת וְלֹא אִישׁ חֶרְפַּת אָדָם וּבְזוּי עָם.
