Despite America's incredible efforts, the Middle East is once again exploding, with peace in the volatile region seemingly as elusive as ever. But take heart! Here are 8 creative ways that we can actually achieve true and lasting peace in the Middle East:
Send Dr. Phil to help them talk through their feelings: The man is a master.
Hire an old sassy black woman to whup 'em: They'll get in line so fast.
Bring Biden out of retirement to stare into a camera and whisper, "Don't": You can do this, Joe.
Get them all really addicted to World of Warcraft so they don't have time to go outside and kill each other: It's so simple.
Put up a bunch of billboards saying "If you blow yourself up you're gay": Terrorism solved.
Get a really big noise machine to play calming ocean sounds: Who could possibly fight when you're listening to whales talk?
Give everyone a Snickers bar: The Middle East just isn't itself when it's hungry.
Turn the entire place into one big, beautiful country called "Trumpistan": It will be the greatest, believe me.
See? Peace in the Middle East is not as far away as you think.
