WASHINGTON - In a last ditch effort to prevent an all out war in the Middle East, President Donald Trump has put the following suggestion on the table: That he become Prime Minister of Iran.
"I can definitely do it. NOBODY can do it as well as I can. Nobody. Really no one. It will bring peace to the region. There is no other way. None. Really. Really really. Totally none-o."
When asked when he will have the time for such an undertaking, Trump responded: "It will be a night gig. Nights, nights, nights. By day - President of the good 'ol USA and Commander in Chief of our armed forces. At nights - CEO and Prime Minister of Iran. Biden couldn't do any of that. He ruined everything. I can do it all. Only I can. I lowered inflation. I made eggs affordable. I stopped all of the murderous criminals from invading our borders. Yes I did. The fake news media doesn't like to talk about it but I did all those things. And a lot more. Biden just messed up everything. If Iran agrees to my offer, I will throw in a bonus - no tariffs on Iranian goods. That'll pick up their economy. I will turn them into winners."
Continued Trump: "My motto is MIGA. Make Iran Great Again. Iran used to be a wonderful country. I have a lot of Iranian friends. Good people. They really like and respect me. But the Ayatollahs messed everything up. Sort of Joe Bidens with Turbans and more of a mean streak."
When asked about also becoming Prime Minster of Israel he replied "I thought of that. I could do that too. Have to brush up on my Hebrew but I could do it. But the Jews can take care of themselves. They have G-d on their side."
At publishing time the Iranians had not yet responded to the offer but Trump was growing a beard to prepare for the job.
