The Gift Of Solitude

This Shabbos I spent alllllll alone. Just me myself and I in a quiet apartment [with breaks for shul]. Sound exciting? It was actually so good, I didn't want it to end. The food was very simple [to say that I am not much of a cook would be an overstatement]. The conversation was a little dull, or more accurately non-existent. But it was truly a taste of the world to come, as Shabbos should be.

Let me explain: I love being with people. When I am with people, I delight in making them laugh with my [attempted] witticisms. I enjoy hugging them. Every person deserves to be hugged. I am interested in seeing the way people interact and how they think. Every interaction for me is a fascinating study in human psychology. There are so many pleasurable aspects of being in the company of others.

So why did I choose to be alone for the two weeks I was in New York [and would also choose to be next week if not for the fact that I will please G-d get to spend next shabbos with those young, delicious and most beloved people who will say Kaddish and light a candle for me after my demise]?

Our excessive social interactions often make us forget who we really are. So much of what we say and do is determined more by who we think we are expected to be than who we actually are. The other day a young man told me that when people sit around the table the conversation usually revolves around business and not the parshas hashavua. He wishes it weren't like that. Being alone is an opportunity to reconnect to your most essential self.

The Yerushalmi [quoted by Tosfos] says that on Shabbos it is barely permitted to even say hello. Explained Rav Volbe: Shabbos is a day of pnimiyus, of connecting to your G-dly soul. Speaking to others makes you a outwardly oriented person whereas on Shabbos we should be turning inward.

Recently something has been really bothering me and I had a dream this Shabbos clearly delineating what exactly is the problem. Hashem gave me a gift that not only was I able to connect to me while awake, I did so while sleeping as well.

So if you see me - don't feel that you have to invite me for Shabbos. If you do, I will politely turn you down anyway...:) There are few greater gifts than the gift of solitude.

I highly recommend it to one and all.