As we have been discussing, every person is a computer program. This is crucial information because just as a computer is predictable and will always do the same things, so to a person is "programmed" via nature and nurture and you can expect behavior to repeat itself [unless he expends GREAT EFFORT to change which CAN BE DONE if behaviors are repeated again and again until it becomes part of the program]. I find it AMAZING how predictable people are [myself included]. But it makes sense - that's the program.
So if a husband strikes his wife חס ושלום then he can apologize a hundred times but chances are that this behavior will repeat itself. It is in his program to hit his wife. I have never done this because it is not in my program [thank G-d!]. If a person lied to you ONCE, make sure to be VERY CAREFUL. He is programmed to lie. He will lie again under the right circumstances. I have seen it countless times.
Again, I am not denying people CAPACITY to change but I am asserting that most people do not take advantage of this capacity and become accustomed to certain behaviors until they become second nature.
We ask "Why type of person is he/she"? How can we ask such a question?? Every SECOND is different! Every second he can make different choices than he has in the past!!
Yes, he CAN! But chances are that he WON'T. So we can characterize people.
Lesson: Learn people like you would a sugya. Observe them closely, notice patterns and you have the key to understanding their programming. This is key for your marriage and children. If you don't understand them then you can't help them. MOST IMPORTANTLY, we must understand ourselves. That is the key to change. For example: If I am programmed to push things off to the last minute, I have to make a kabbala to not push off three things a week. If I lack patience, I must be conscious of this and when in a situation that I am liable to lose patience, I must remind myself that my lack of patience is a weakness in myself that I must fix.
ואידך פירושא זיל גמור!!!
