One lesson I have learned about people in my 49 years:
I will start with an example: How come last year when there was a Siyum Hashas there was such a Kiddush Hashem. Social media was filled with tributes to those amazing Jews who not only study a difficult page of "Talmud" daily but also behave SOOOO WELLL at their mass celebrations. But these past seven months have been filled with Chillul Hashem after Chilul Hashem in so many different ways by so many different people - particularly relating to the pandemic.
Answer: When we were making Siyumei Hashas, there was no conflict. We felt good about ourselves and nobody was in any way constricting or limiting our behavior. On the contrary - even the Goyim were serving us in their halls and stadiums and lauding us. But comes Corona: NOW there is CONFLICT. Rules we don't like. We are being told where to go, where not to go. We are being told to wear masks on our faces that constrict our ability to breathe. We are being told to close our shuls and Yeshivos, to scale down simchas, to socially distance. You are telling ME what to do??? NO WAY!!! It doesn't matter WHY you are telling me what to do [like, to save lives]. What matters is that you are telling me that I can't do what I want, when I want and how I want to. HEEEELLLOOOOO Chilul Hashem. World War 3! Demonstrations where the behavior is beneath contempt. Flagrant, open flouting of city and state law. Mass רציחה בשוגג. Fighting politicians and others who get in our way.
Just about EVERYBODY is easy to get along with. I get along GREAT with every woman in my neighborhood. This is b/c I have no relationship with any of them. There is NEVER conflict. But my own wife - THAT is a different story. Since we live under the same roof it is IMPOSSIBLE that there won't be conflict. THAT is where it gets hard.
When you dated it was EASY to get along. Little conflict [sometimes...]. But after marriage, things get AWWWWWFULLLLY complicated.
It is EASY to get along with your friend's parents or children. NO conflict. But YOUR parents or children whom you love so much more - not so easy. There is necessarily going to be conflict.
You go to shul on Shabbos. Everyone gets along well. It is great. The room is air-conditioned, the Chazan is great and afterward, there is a delicious, hot kiddush. But what happens when there is conflict in the shul? Raise or lower the mechitza, switch rabbis or don't, have a women's Torah reading or don't, bring in Rabbi X as a scholar in residence, or don't. Conflict. What happens? Breakaway shul.
My neighbor is voting Biden. ROIIIIDDDEEFFFFFFFFFF!!! I can't be his friend anymore!! Or the person I work with is voting Trump. Since Trump is a deplorable person, so is the person I work with [that was the chiddush of Rebbetzin Hilary four years ago: Half the people voting for Trump - tens of millions - are "deplorables"].
The AVVOIIIIDDAAAHHHH: Learn how to manage conflict. Learn how to get along with people with whom we don't agree. Don't make a Chilul Hashem just b/c things aren't going your way.
BIG JOB!!!
