השפעת החברים

 

טעה ותעה

 טעה ותעה

בעברית בת ימינו יש הבחנה ברורה למדי בין הפועל טָעָה לפועל תָּעָה:

– טָעָה בטי"ת פירושו 'שָׁגָה', 'עשה דבר בצורה לא נכונה' או 'חשב דבר לא נכון'. למשל: טעה בחישוב, טעה בשיקול הדעת.

– תָּעָה בתי"ו פירושו 'שוטט', 'הלך בלא מטרה' וכן 'הלך אנה ואנה ולא מצא את מבוקשו'. למשל: תעה במדבר, תעה בדרך. בהשאלה אדם תועה הוא אדם נבוך ומבולבל.

ההבחנה בין טעה לתעה מושתתת במידה רבה על המצוי בלשון המקורות, אם כי מבחינה היסטורית המצב מסובך קצת יותר.

פעלים מן השורש תע"י (תע"ה) רווחים בתנ"ך, ואכן אפשר למוצאם בהקשרים של שוטטות ואיבוד הדרך: על הָגָר שגורשה מבית אברהם נאמר "וַתֵּלֶךְ וַתֵּתַע בְּמִדְבַּר בְּאֵר שָׁבַע" (בראשית כא, יד), על יוסף שחיפש את אחיו בשכם נאמר "וַיִּמְצָאֵהוּ אִישׁ וְהִנֵּה תֹעֶה בַּשָּׂדֶה" (שם לז, טו) ועוד. לצד אלו יש שימושים מושאלים שעניינם בלבול ומבוכה כגון "וְגַם אֵלֶּה בַּיַּיִן שָׁגוּ וּבַשֵּׁכָר תָּעוּ" (ישעיהו כח, ז) או סטייה מדרך הישר כגון "לְמַעַן לֹא יִתְעוּ עוֹד בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל מֵאַחֲרַי" (יחזקאל יד, יא), "אָדָם תּוֹעֶה מִדֶּרֶךְ הַשְׂכֵּל" (משלי כא, טז).

פועל מן השורש טע"י (טע"ה) מתועד בתנ"ך פעם אחת בלבד (יחזקאל יג, י), ואילו בספרות חז"ל פעלים משורש זה רגילים לגמרי. לרוב הם משמשים כבלשון ימינו לציון שגיאה, מעשה לא נכון או מחשבה לא נכונה, כגון "מי שטעה וקרא לתשיעי עשירי ולעשירי תשיעי…" (משנה נזיר ה, ג). פעלים מן השורש תע"י נדירים יותר בספרות זו.

הבדל המשמעות בין טע"י לתע"י בספרות חז"ל אינו מוחלט, ואף אפשר למצוא חילופי גרסאות ביניהם. יש שפועלי טע"י משמשים כפועלי השורש המקראי תע"י לציון שוטטות ואובדן דרך פיזי, לדוגמה: "חבירו שטעה – תופסו בידו ומפסגו [מפלס לו דרך בינות לענפים] בשדות וכרמים עד שמגיע לעיר או לדרך" (תוספתא בבא מציעא ב, כח; אך בכתב יד ארפורט "שתעה"). עוד אפשר למצוא בכתבי יד את הכתיב תעה במקום טעה לציון שגיאה, כגון בגרסת כתב יד קאופמן למשנה "ואם תעו בדבר – סופרי דיינין מזכירין אותו" (סנהדרין ה, ה) או בגרסת כתב יד אוקספורד לתלמוד הבבלי "כל העונה אמן יותר מדאי אינו אלא תועה" (ברכות מז ע"א).

חילופים אלו בין טעה לתעה אינם מפתיעים, שכן ככל הנראה מדובר באותו השורש. על כך כבר כתב רד"ק בספר השרשים: "וענין תעה הכתוב בתי"ו וטעה בטי"ת ענין אחד הם, כי הם ממוצא אחד" (כלומר ת ו־ט הם הגיים קרובים – וכידוע לימים הם הזדהו).

צורת השורש תע"י מיוחדת לעברית, ואילו המקבילה טע"י מוכרת מכל ניבי הארמית ומלשונות שמיות מזרחיות נוספות. קשה לדעת איזו צורה של השורש הזה מקורית יותר, אך יש מי שהציע שבארמית ובלשונות אחרות חל מעבר לטע"י ב־ט בהשפעת העיצור הגרוני התוכף ע. כך או כך המעבר מן השורש המקראי תע"י אל השורש טע"י בלשון חז"ל התרחש בהשפעת השפה השלטת באותה התקופה – הארמית.

ומה בדבר הבדל המשמעות? אחד ממעתקי המשמעות הנפוצים ביותר בשפה האנושית הוא המעבר מן המוחשי אל המופשט. על כן סביר להניח שמשמעות השיטוט ואיבוד הדרך היא המשמעות המקורית של השורש תע"י / טע"י, וממנה נוצרה המשמעות המופשטת 'שגיאה' (מעין 'איבוד דרך' מחשבתי). משמעות מושאלת זו נעשתה עיקר בארמית, וכך נוצר הבדל המשמעות המוכר לנו בין פועלי תע"י שירשנו מן המקרא שעניינם בעיקר שוטטות פיזית ובין פועלי טע"י שירשנו מלשון חז"ל (על פי הארמית) שעניינם שגיאה. כך נוצר בידול בעברית החדשה בין תעה בדרך במשמע 'שוטט ללא מטרה' ואף 'לא מצא את דרכו' ובין טעה בדרך במשמע 'בחר בדרך לא נכונה'.

טעה שעניינו שכח

חוקרי הלשון והתלמוד עמדו על משמעות נוספת ונדירה יותר של השורש טע"י בספרות חז"ל – שִׁכחה והיעלמות. משמעות זו מוכרת מן הארמית השומרונית, וככל הנראה גם היא התגלגלה מן המשמעות המוחשית של איבוד הדרך. חוקר הלשון יחזקאל קוטשר הדגים זאת מקטע ממדרש ויקרא רבה (יג, א) שבו הפועל טָעָה מקביל בשימושו לפועל שָׁכַח:

בשלשה מקומות כעס משה ונתעלמה ממנו הלכה […] כיון שכעס שכח לומר להם הלכות שבת […] הוציא כרוז לכל המחנה ואמר אני טעיתי את ההלכה ואהרן אחי בא ולמד לי.

המשמעות הזאת של השורש טע"י היא העומדת כנראה גם בבסיס הצירוף 'אבן הטועים' (משנה תענית ג, ח; אך בתלמוד 'אבן הטוען') – מקום שהכריזו בו על אבדות ומציאות. על פי הבנה זו "טועים" הם 'אוֹבדים', שכוּחים' (כלומר החפצים שאבדו), או שהם 'מאבדים', שוכחים' (כלומר  האנשים שאיבדו את החפצים).

מבחר מקורות:

יצחק גלוסקא, השפעת הארמית על לשון המשנה – חיבור לשם קבלת התואר דוקטור לפילוסופיה, בר־אילן, רמת־גן תשמ"ח, עמ' 477–480

נפתלי הרץ טור־­­­סיני, הערה לערך "תעה", מילון בן־יהודה, כרך טז, עמ' 7829–7830

אהרן עמית, "'טעה' בדבר משנה: עיון במשנה ברכות ב, ד", סידרא יט (תשס"ד), עמ' 117–135

יחזקאל קוטשר, "למילונה של לשון חז"ל – 4. טעה = שכח", לשוננו לא, ב (תשכ"ז), עמ' 109–111 (=מחקרים בעברית ובארמית, ירושלים תשל"ז, עמ' תמו–תמח)

Points To Ponder

 "You can lose yourself one small compromise at a time.

You can transform yourself one small win at a time."

---

"You don't have to be good at everything, you just need to double down on what you're naturally suited for."

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"Train hard and focus on what you can control."

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"There is too much bad news to justify complacency. There is too much good news to justify despair."

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..... the idea came to him of what he called "the love of your fate."

Whatever your fate is, whatever happens, you say, "This is what I need." It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment — not discouragement — you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege!

Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes."

Mishnas R' Yitzchak Yonah Keilim 1-2 #3

 HERE!!!

Is Teshuva Easy? The Answer Is In "Yaacov/Yisrael"

 HERE!!

Bar Mitzvah-ed On A Different Day

 As detailed at length in recent articles, our current year, 5785, is full of rare calendarical phenomena.[1] This article sets out to describe an interesting one that can affect Bar Mitzvah bachurim - one that will ensure that they will observe their Bar Mitzvah this year not on their actual birthday, but actually a day earlier. Other years, this interesting divergence may cause Bar Mitzvah observance to occur a day after their actual birthday. Can this truly be? Indubitably so. Read on intrepid one…

30 Days Has November…

As is well known from Chazal, and actually millennia later corroborated by NASA,[2] the Lunar Month is 29 days, 12 hours and 793 chalakim (or 44 minutes and one cheilek; a cheilik equals three and one-third seconds, an 18th of a minute, or an 1080th of an hour). In the times of Chazal, based on eyewitness accounts of the New Moon, any month could have had 30 days (called a chodesh malei or full month) or 29 days (referred to as a chosesh chaseir). In our 19-year cycle Jewish calendar established by Hillel II (Hillel Nesiah; a thirteenth or fourteenth-generation descendant of Hillel Hazakein),[3] every other month, alternates between 29 and 30 days.

Whereas the Gregorian calendar maxim might be “Thirty Days has September, April, June, and November,” but in the Jewish calendar the colloquialism would probably be “Thirty Days has Tishrei, Shvat, Nissan, Sivan, and Av. Teves, Adar,[4] Iyar, Tamuz, and Elul only have 29 days.”[5]

An easy way to tell if the month you are in has 29 or 30 days is by seeing how many days of Rosh Chodesh the following month has. If it has two-days of Rosh Chodesh, that means the first day of Rosh Chodesh is actually the 30th day of the preceding month. For example, the first day of Rosh Chodesh Elul is actually Lamed Av. Even so, since it is connected to the month of Elul, there are halachos how the date is supposed to be written in official documents. Take our date of Lamed Av. Halachically it is to be written as “Rosh Chodesh Elul, Shehu Yom Shloshim L’Chodesh (which is the thirtieth of the month of) Av.”[6] On the other hand, if it is a one day Rosh Chodesh, it is simply the 1st of that month.

Wild Cards?

As you probably realized, there were two months missing from the “adage of the months.” Marcheshvan and Kislev were not mentioned. The reason is that there is no hard and fast rule regarding them. They are the only months that can either have 29 or 30 days depending on the year. Some years both are chaseirim; other years both are malei’im, and others Cheshvan is chaseir and Kislev malei.

The reasons and rules governing the whys and whens this transpires are too complicated for this discussion; suffice to say that when the Mishnah Berurah discusses these issues he writes “ain kan makom l’ha’arich,” that this is not the place to expound in detail,[7] which is certainly good enough for this author. What is a given, is that this is one of the changing variables in our set calendar. Indeed, it is this specific variable that allows a Bar Mitzvah to occur before or after the actual presumed Bar Mitzvah date.

In fact, “Mein Alte Shachein”, the esteemed Bobover Rebbe, Rav Shlomo Halberstam zt”l,[8] was known to have remarked that he personally started laying Tefillin as a Bar Mitzvah Bachur one day prior to his Bar Mitzvah.[9] His intent was not that the Bobov minhag was to prepare for a Bar Mitzvah by laying Tefillin only one day before the actual Bar Mitzvah, but rather that he himself was full fledge “Bar Mitzvah-ed” (in the vernacular) before the date of his Bar Mitzvah. The reason why is quite interesting, due to a cosmic “quirk” in our calendar.

Will the Real Adar Please Stand Up?

But, this is not the only time that a calendar quirk changes a Bar Mitzvah. It is widely known that adding a leap year into the mix always has interesting Bar Mitzvah ramifications. The majority consensus is that if a boy was born in a non-leap year, one which there was only one Adar, and on the year of his Bar Mitzvah there are two Adars, his Bar Mitzvah will occur in the second Adar, since it is considered the true one.[10] The same holds true if was actually born in Adar Sheini. In fact the only way one would celebrate a Bar Mitzvah in the first Adar is if he was actually born in an Adar Rishon.

This makes for a remarkable dichotomy. If one boy is born on the 21st of Adar Rishon, and his buddy a week and a half later on the 2nd of Adar Sheini, then in any standard year following, the second one would be celebrating his birthday almost 3 weeks before his “older” friend. Since there is only one Adar, the second born’s birthday would be the 2nd of Adar while his “older” friend’s would be on the 21st. In fact, only in a leap year would the older one truly be considered older. This would also affect their Bar Mitzvahs. If their Bar Mitzvah is in a standard year, the younger lad would become a man several weeks before his older compadre.[11] However, it is important to note that this Klal may not hold true regarding Yahrtzeits.[12]

Rare Year

Back to Cheshvan and Kislev. As detailed in recent articles, 5785 is not only a rare year, but calendarically speaking, actually the hands-downrarest of them all. This is because it is classified as a HaSh”A year in our calendars. This abbreviation is referring to Rosh Hashana falling out on Thursday (hei), both months of Cheshvan and Kislev being shalem (shin - 30 day months instead of possibly 29; as mentioned previously, these are the only months that can switch off in our set calendar),[13] and Pesach falling out on Sunday (aleph). As noted, this rare year type occurs on average only once in about 30.19 years (approximately 3.3 percent of the time),[14] and at times there are 71 years (!) in between HaSh”A years.[15]

Skip the Birthday

This background dramatically affects Bar Mitzvah bachurim. You see, if a boy was born on the 30th of Cheshvan - which is also the first day of Rosh Chodesh Kislev, in a year that Cheshvan was malei, and in his Bar Mitzvah year Cheshvan is a chaseir, meaning there is no 30th of the month, our little lad does not become a man until the 1st of Kislev.[16] In other words, he does not truly have a birthday, as in that year, his birthdate simply does not exist. Hence, his birthday is skipped and is pushed off one day until the next month. He may have been born in Cheshvan, but his Bar Mitzvah will assuredly be observed in Kislev.

The reason for this is is that halachically one cannot become truly a Bar Mitzvah until he completes 13 entire years.[17] Since there is no 30th of Cheshvan in his Bar Mitzvah year, he does not actually reach that milestone until the next day, which is the one-day Rosh Chodesh Kislev, a.ka. Alef Kislev.[18]

Bar Mitzvah-ed a Day Early

Yet, it is when the flip side of this equation occurs when it gets real interesting. The Elyah Rabba, based on a ruling of the Bach,[19] maintains that if a boy is born on the 1st of Kislev in a year when Cheshvan only had 29 days, and in his Bar Mitzvah year Cheshvan has 30 days, then the boy becomes Bar Mitzvah on the first day of Rosh Chodesh Kislev, which is actually the 30th of Cheshvan! Since he completes 13 full years on that day (as there now is an extra day added to that year), he is obligated in Mitzvos on the day prior to his birthday. His birthday might be Alef Kislev, but his Bar Mitzvah is Lamed Cheshvan.[20]

Although the Birur Halacha opines that it might still be preferable not to count this boy for a minyan until his actual birthday,[21] nevertheless, this fascinating, albeit relatively obscure psak of becoming a Bar Mitzvah one day before the birthday, is actually cited as halacha by the consensus of many great Acharonim, including the Shaarei Teshuva, Derech Hachaim, Rav Akiva Eiger, Pri Megadim, Machatzis Hashekel, Levushei Srad, Mishnah Berurah, and Kaf Hachaim.[22] In fact, Rav Shmuel Halevi Wosner explicitly ruled that “lema’aseh hachi nahug.”

This is why the great Bobover Rebbe zt”l claimed he became Bar Mitzvah one day before his Bar Mitzvah date. He was born on Alef Kislev in a year when Cheshvan was chaseir (5668), and in his Bar Mitzvah year (5681) Cheshvan was malei.

The same fascinating occurrence happens this year. Thirteen years ago, in 5772, Rosh Chodesh Kislev was a one-day Rosh Chodesh, as Cheshvan that year was chaseir. Yet, this year, 5785, as mentioned previously, both Cheshvan and Kislev are malei. Ergo, Rosh Chodesh Kislev is a two-day Rosh Chodesh. That means that a boy who was born on 1 Kislev 13 years ago (the singular one-day Rosh Chodesh Kislev that year), actually becomes Bar Mitzvah this year on Lamed Cheshvan, the first day of Rosh Chodesh Kislev, or, in other words, one day prior to his actual birthday! Fascinating, no? Just another noteworthy feature of our exceptional year.

No early Yahrtzeit

However, it is important to note that according to the halachic consensus, this rule does not actually apply regarding Yahrtzeits,[23] as a Yahrtzeit is strictly observed on the exact date when someone is niftar. Moreover, as Yahrtzeit observance is technically considered a neder (vow), the rule of thumb is that regarding nedarim, its observance follows the common vernacular. As Lashon Bnei Adam is to refer to the 1st of Kislev as Rosh Chodesh Kislev, that is the date that must be observed as proper Yahrtzeit, regardless of the month’s makeup.

Hence, in our current year, a Yahrtzeit for someone who was niftar 13 years ago on 1 Kislev (which, back in 5772 was a one-day Rosh Chodesh Kislev), would still be observed this year on 1 Kislev, even though this year it actually ends up being the second day of Rosh Chodesh Kislev.

This maxim is in contrast to Bar Mitzvahs, as a child becomes Bar Mitzvah on the day he completes 13 full years. In other words, and as diverging from Yahrtzeit observance, the upshot of this discussion is that a Bar Mitzvah technically does not necessarily have to occur exactly on the boy’s actual birthday, as is showcased with a Rosh Chodesh Kislev Bar Mitzvah on this rare year.

In conclusion, we find that the Gemara stresses the importance of knowing the calculations of our calendar,[24] with many Rishonim understanding that there is a specific mitzvah to do so.[25] The Chazon Ish explicitly mentions the calculations of the Lunar month as a prime example of this.[26] Our rare year gives us a plethora of opportunities to focus on as well. Now, at least we can all say that we are one step closer.

The author wishes to thank R’ Shloime Lerner,whose Mareh Mekomos served as the impetus for this author’s interest and research in this topic.

For any questions, comments or for the full Mareh Mekomos / sources, please email the author: yspitz@ohr.edu.

Rabbi Yehuda Spitz, author ofM’Shulchan Yehuda and Peninim M’Shulchan Yehuda on Inyanei Halacha, serves as the Sho’el U’Meishiv and Rosh Chabura of the Ohr Lagolah Halacha Kollel at Yeshivas Ohr Somayach in Yerushalayim

Rabbi Spitz’s recent English halacha sefer,

“Insights Into Halacha - Food: A Halachic Analysis,” (Mosaica/Feldheim)

has more than 500 pages and features over 30 comprehensive chapters discussing a myriad of halachic issues relating to food, in an engaging manner. It is now available online and in bookstores everywhere.

[1]See “5785 – The Rarest Year of Them All” Part I and Part II.

[2]Rabban Gamliel’s statement (‘mekublani m’bais avi abba’) in Gemara Rosh Hashana (25a). See Rambam (Hilchos Kiddush HaChodesh Ch. 6:2 and 3), the Tur’s Seder HaKvius (Orach Chaim 427-428), the Mishnah Berurah’s Seder Laasos Luach B’Ketzara (end Orach Chaim 428), and Chazon Ish (Orach Chaim 138:4). This comes out to 29.53059 days. According to ‘Discovery’ by Rabbi Shraga Simmons (pg. 31), and Hamehapeich (by Rav Zamir Cohen; vol. 4, pg. 16-17), this data has recently been corroborated by NASA: “After years of research based on calculations using satellites, hairline telescopes, laser beams, and super computers, scientists at NASA have determined that the length of the ‘synodic month’, the time between one new moon and the next, is 29.530588 days.”

[3]See Ra’ah (Beitzah 4b) and Sefer Hachinuch (Parashas Bo, Mitzvah 4 – Kiddush Hachodesh).

[4]This is in a regular year; in a leap year Adar Rishon would have 30 Days and Adar Sheini would have 29.

[5]See Biur Halacha (428:1, end s.v. eilu hayamim).

[6]This wording follows the Tur and Shulchan Aruch’s opinion (Orach Chaim 427:1); this is also how the Aruch Hashulchan (ad loc.) concludes lemaaseh. However, the Bach (ad loc. s.v. v’kosvin) and Pri Megadim (ad loc. M.Z. 1) maintain that the order should be reversed and written as “Yom Shloshim L’Chodesh Av, Shehu Yom Rosh Chodesh Elul.” See Mishnah Berurah (ad loc. 1).

[7]Biur Halacha (428:1, end s.v. eilu hayamim). He also writes a tad earlier that “v’hinei kol zeh shekasavnu ain tzarich leha’arich b’frotrot aich hu kein, rak sheteida haklal,” (loosely) that all of these matters do not need to be measured in their exact minutiae, but rather one should know the general rules.

[8]Growing up in Miami Beach, one of the Bobover Rebbe’s prime Chassidim, Reb Yechiel Kurtz a”h maintained a vacation home directly across the street from us. He graciously allowed the Rebbe full use of his home, and the Rebbe zy”a would visit several times a year, often inviting us for Seudas Shlishis or Melaveh Malka. Years later, when visiting the Rebbe in New York, he would always greet us with a warm smile and referring to each of us as “Mein Alte Shachein.”

[9]See Gilyon Shoneh Halachos (Bobov; Chodesh Nissan 5771, pg. 11), in a letter from Rav Yehoshua Shalom Nosson Rubin. Thanks are due to R’ Shloime Lerner for providing this source.

[10]Rema (Orach Chaim 55:10; based on Shu”t Mahari Mintz 15), Levush (Orach Chaim 685:1), Magen Avraham (Orach Chaim 55:10), Pri Chodosh (ad loc. 10), Pri Megadim (ad loc. Eshel Avraham 10; he adds that m’pashtus this is also the Shulchan Aruch’s shittah), Levushei Srad (ad loc. s.v. eino), Korban Ha’eidah (on Yerushalmi Megillah Ch. 1, Shiyarei Hakorban s.v. hada), Shaarei Teshuva (Orach Chaim 55:11), Gilyon Maharsha (Yoreh Deah 402, s.v. b’Adar), Chayei Adam (vol. 1, 66:1), Kaf Hachaim (Palaji; 13:2), Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (15:2), Aruch Hashulchan (Orach Chaim 55:14), Aruch LaNer (Shu”t Binyan Tzion 151; he maintains that even if one was born on 30th of Shvat, a.k.a. the first day of Rosh Chodesh Adar in a standard year, gets pushed off until the first day of Rosh Chodesh Adar Sheini, as both days of Rosh Chodesh have the status of ‘Rosh Chodesh Adar’), Mishnah Berurah (ad loc. 45), and Kaf Hachaim (ad loc. 59); not like the Maharash Halevi (or Maharash L’Bais Halevi; Shu”t Orach Chaim 16) who was of the opinion that in such a case, all observances should be celebrated in Adar Rishon.

[11]Although the Magen Avraham (ibid., based on his understanding of the Mahari Mintz’s position) maintains that even a boy born in an Adar Rishon’s Bar Mitzvah gets deferred to Adar Sheini, and the Olas Hatamid (ad loc.) and Chasam Sofer (Shu”t Orach Chaim 163: end 3; although in Siman 14, he seems to contradict this position and rule accordingly to the majority consensus) agree with him, nevertheless, the consensus of poskim is that one who is born in an Adar Rishon’s Bar Mitzvah is observed in Adar Rishon as well; if he was born in a standard Adar or Adar Sheini, his Bar Mitzvah would be observed in Adar Sheini. These poskim include the Shulchan Aruch (ibid.), Levush (Orach Chaim 685 1), Pri Chodosh (ad loc. 10; citing the Yerushami Megillah Ch. 1:5, that Adar Rishon is merely a ‘tosefes’), Shvus Yaakov (Shu”t vol. 1:9; who writes that the Magen Avraham misunderstood the Mahari Mintz), Elyah Rabba (Orach Chaim 55:9 and Elyah Zuta 5), Rav Dovid Oppenheim (cited in the Ba’er Heitiv ad loc. 11), Me’il Tzadaka (Shu”t 21), Shaarei Teshuvah (Orach Chaim 55:11), Maamar Mordechai (ad loc. 13), Pri Megadim (ad loc. Eshel Avrohom 10), Ikrei Hadat (3:7), Chida (Machzik Bracha ad loc. 4), Machatzis Hashekel (ad loc. 10; he also questions the Magen Avraham’s understanding), Chayei Adam (vol. 1, 66:1), Kaf Hachaim (Palaji; 13:2), Maharsham (Daas Torah ad loc. s.v. u’shnas), Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (15:2), Aruch Hashulchan (Orach Chaim 55:14), Mishnah Berurah (ad loc. 43), and Kaf Hachaim (ad loc. 59). The Ba’er Heitiv (ibid.) concludes that “v’chein haminhag pashut eitzel kol ba’alei hahora’ah.” See also the Beis Yitzchok’s haskama to Rav Nosson Nota Landau’s Oorah Shachar, who as a side point, cites his ancestor the Maharam Padua as ruling this way as well. On an anecdotal level, this halacha affected this author growing up, as my birthday was Rosh Chodesh Adar and my Bar Mitzvah occurred on a leap year. This also affected my son who was born on my birthday as well, as his Bar Mitzvah was observed on Rosh Chodesh Adar Sheini 5776. [However, as an interesting counter-point, it had the opposite effect on his twin sister - as they were both born on Rosh Chodesh Adar Sheini and her Bas Mitzvah was on a standard Adar year. That means she reached the age of Mitzvos 13 months before her twin brother!]

[12]This distinction is detailed later in the article. See also footnote 23. This was discussed at length in a previous article titled “A Tale of Two Adars: Computations and Calculations – Bar Mitzvahs and Yahrtzeits.”

[13]According to R’ Yosef Yehuda Weber, author of Understanding the Jewish Calendar, Cheshvan and Kislev both having 30 days can only happen when the year has either 355 days or 385 days, which occurs pretty often - 44.93119 percent of the time.

[14]As noted by R’ Yosef Yehuda Weber, HaSh”A years occur only 8 times in the Tur’s entire 247 year cycle - a mere 3.23877 percent of the time. In fact, between the year 4119 (the year that the calendar was established) and year 6000, it will have occurred only 62 times – 3.29437 percent!

[15]Indeed, the last time this year type occurred was 31 years ago in 5754 / 1994. The next time will be 20 years hence in 5805 / 2044. The next several times after that are slated to be 27 years further, in 5832 / 2071 and then a 51 year gap in 5883 / 2122.

[16]Magen Avraham (Orach Chaim 55: end 10 s.v. u’mi), Elyah Rabba (ad loc. 9), Levushei Srad (ad loc. s.v. d’naaseh), Derech Hachaim (Dinei Kaddish B’Asarah 4), Shulchan Aruch Harav (Orach Chaim 55:13), Shaarei Teshuva (ad loc. 13), Mishnah Berurah (ad loc. 45), Aruch Hashulchan (ad loc. 15), and Kaf Hachaim (ad loc. 60).

[17]See Shu”t HaBach (Hayeshanos 145), SM”A (Even Ha’ezer 35:2), Magen Avraham (Orach Chaim 55:10), Ba’er Heitiv (ad loc. 11), Elyah Zuta (ad loc. 4), and Mishnah Berurah (ad loc. 45).

[18]Thanks are due to R’ Eli Dov Stern for pointing out this phenomenon.

[19]Elyah Rabba (Orach Chaim 55: end 9) based on the Bach (ibid.), although he implies that to his understanding, the Magen Avraham (cited above, that even a boy born in Adar Rishon’s Bar Mitzvah is observed in Adar Sheini) will not necessarily agree with this. However, the Pri Megadim (ibid.) counters that in his opinion, the Magen Avraham would indeed agree to this ruling of the Bach et al.

[20]A potential additional reason for this ruling is that the Aruch LaNer (Shu”t Binyan Tzion 151) maintains that both days of Rosh Chodesh have a status of one day; meaning they are considered somewhat connected. [Although admittedly, he is referring to the opposite case – that one who was born on the 30th of Shvat (a.k.a. the first day of Rosh Chodesh Adar) in a regular year, if his Bar Mitzvah is in a leap year it should be observed a month later – on Rosh Chodesh Adar Sheini. Although this is not the halacha pesuka, and Rav Shmuel Salant and the Maharil Diskin ruled against it (as cited in Shu”t Shevet Halevi vol. 10:105), nonetheless, in such a situation Rav Wosner himself (Shu”t Shevet Halevi ibid.) and Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (as cited in Ishei Yisrael Ch. 15, footnote 26) recommended being machmir and to wait until Rosh Chodesh Adar Sheini for Inyanei Deoraysa, i.e. for him to Daven for the Amud, be Motzi others’ obligations, or get an Aliyah other than Maftir etc. Of course he should still wear Tefillin etc. from his true (mainstream) Bar Mitzvah date]. According to this shittah, once our growing lad’s 13 years are complete and it is already Rosh Chodesh, he would already be considered (at least somewhat of) a Bar Mitzvah, even though his true birthday is the following day (of Rosh Chodesh). The Aruch Hashulchan (Orach Chaim 55: end 15) implies this way as well, and this logic is also cited lemaaseh by the Vayaged Yaakov (Shemos, Mitzvosecha Sha’ashu’ai, Mitzvah 4) and his son the Vayaan Yosef (Greenwald; Shu”t vol. 1:33, 1 s.v. v’heishiv), and grandson, the Mishpatecha L’Yaakov (Shu”t 13), and is mentioned in Ishei Yisroel (pg. 135, Ch. 15, footnote 26, in the parenthesis).

[21]Birur Halacha (Rav Yechiel Avraham Zilber; in his comments on the Mishnah Berurah 55:45, vol. 1, pp. 131-133). He posits that although our protagonist may take on the Mitzvos of a Bar Mitzvah bachur, it is nonetheless preferable to wait until his actual birthday to count him for a minyan or zimun, unless it is shaas hadchak. This author finds it interesting that his proofs are based on the dinim of yahrtzeit, which technically are not truly the same. As previously mentioned, and although the Piskei Teshuvos (vol. 1, ad loc. pg. 492:20), seemingly quite oddly opines to follow the Birur Halacha and not the hachraas poskei hadoros, nonetheless, as proven, this is not the normative halacha.

[22]Shaarei Teshuva (Orach Chaim 55:11), Derech Hachaim (Dinei Kaddish B’Asarah, end 4), Rav Akiva Eiger (Orach Chaim 55:10 s.v. v’am”sh), Pri Megadim (ad loc. Eishel Avraham 10), Machatzis Hashekel (ad loc. s.v. ad sheyavru), Levushei Srad (ad loc. s.v. ad sheyavru), Mishnah Berurah (ad loc. end 45), Kaf Hachaim (Palaji 13:2 and Sofer - Orach Chaim 55:60), Amudei Hashulchan (on Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 15:1), and Ishei Yisrael (pg. 135, Ch. 15, footnote 26, in the parenthesis). The Pri Megadim adds that the Magen Avraham would even be maskim to this. The Aruch Hashulchan also (ad loc. end 15) implies this way. The Vayaged Yaakov (ibid.) and his son, the Vayaan Yosef (ibid.) rule this way as well. Rav Wosner’s Teshuva ruling this way is printed in Kovetz Kol Torah (vol. 53, Mador Halacha, pg. 183–184).

[23]An interesting side point is that according to the halachic consensus, this Bar Mitzvah ruling would not apply to Yahrtzeits, which, in such a case, the majority of poskim rule should be observed on the second day of Rosh Chodesh. See Yoreh Deah (402:1), Magen Avraham (Orach Chaim 568:20), Taz (Yoreh Deah 65:8), Chochmas Adam (171:11), Matteh Efraim (Dinei Kaddish Yasom, Shaar 3:7), Elef L’Matteh (ad loc. 8), Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (221:4), Aruch Hashulchan (Orach Chaim 568:15), and Gesher Hachaim (pg. 345); not like the Shu”t Panim Meiros (vol. 2:83; cited in Shaarei Teshuva 568:17). This distinction was discussed at length in a previous article titled “A Tale of Two Adars: Computations and Calculations – Bar Mitzvahs and Yahrtzeits.”

[24]Shabbos (75a).

[25]They are divided though, whether it is a Mitzvah Deoraysa or Derabbanan. The BeHa”G (Mitzvos Kum Asei 75), SMa”G (Asein 47), SMa”K (Mitzvah 103; however, he holds that this is part of the Mitzvah of Kiddush Hachodesh) and the Sefer Yereim (Mitzvah 60), count this as a Mitzvah Deoraysa, while the Rambam in his Sefer HaMitzvos (Shoresh HaRishon) and the Ramban (Hasagos ad loc.) write explicitly that they are are of the opinion that it is Derabbanan.

[26]The Chazon Ish (Orach Chaim 138:4) writes that knowing the calculations for the lunar month and other Tekufos is considered “Torah.” See also Rav Chaim Kanievsky’s introduction to his Shekel HaKodesh, where he recounts the importance and reverence the Chazon Ish held of calculating the months, and how he even would consider his mathematical calculations as “Geniza.” See Rav Yisroel Reisman’s excellent Pathways of the Prophets (pp. 272–311), who expounds upon and elucidates practical examples of understanding calendar calculations at length.

Disclaimer: This is not a comprehensive guide, rather a brief summary to raise awareness of the issues. In any real case one should ask a competent Halachic authority.

L'iluy Nishmas the Rosh HaYeshiva - Rav Chonoh Menachem Mendel ben R' Yechezkel Shraga, Rav Yaakov Yeshaya ben R' Boruch Yehuda.

Fascinating Journeys In The Intersection Of Ona'as Mamon And Ona'as Devarim #17/ Umekayaim Emunaso Lisheinei Afar Mi Kamocha Baal Gvuros

 HERE!!!

Israel Asks Hezbollah To Please Wait By Pagers For Message Announcing Start Of Ceasefire

BEIRUT — After announcing that an agreement had been reached for a pause in military operations, Israel asked Hezbollah to please wait by their pagers for a message to confirm what time the ceasefire would begin.

After over a year of open warfare between Israel and Hezbollah, both sides are anxiously anticipating the ceasefire message being delivered to every remaining Hezbollah terrorist.

"The print will be very small, so maybe hold the pager close to your face," suggested Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. "Hold it with both hands to keep it steady. If you're concerned you'll miss the notice, try keeping the pager held tightly against your ear."

While many hailed the agreement as a major breakthrough, some Hezbollah terrorists remained pessimistic. "I just keep getting the feeling that there's more to the story," said local terrorist Mohammed Abdallah, strapping on his pager. "I can't put my finger on it. Call it a hunch, but I think there may be some trickery going on."

At publishing time, the Mossad had excitedly started the countdown to the ceasefire message.

Ksubos 18b: Migo Bimakom Eidim #1

 HERE!!!

Thanksgiving

 One of the interesting aspects of being American and living in the ‘Medina shel Chessed’ is dealing with secular holidays. A day off of work, more time to learn, and suspended Alternate Side parking rules are always appreciated. Of these holidays, Thanksgiving is by far the most popular among Yidden, with many keeping some semblance of observance, generally as a way of saying ‘Thank You’ and showing a form of Hakaras HaTov to our host country. Although all agree that showing Hakaras HaTov is prudent, on the other hand, it is well known that there were contemporary Poskim who were wary of any form of actual Thanksgiving observance. This article sets out to explore the history and halachic issues of this very American holiday.

Why Thanksgiving?

Americans commonly trace the holiday of Thanksgiving to the 1621 Pilgrim celebration at Plymouth Plantation, Massachusetts. The Pilgrims were expressing gratitude to G-d for a successful harvest after surviving a particularly harsh winter; mainly due to the aid of Squanto, the English speaking Native American, and the Wampanoag tribe, who taught them how to hunt (turkey) and plant (maize, a.k.a. corn) in the New World, and shared food supplies with them. A second Thanksgiving was observed on July 30th, 1623 in appreciation of an abundant harvest after a refreshing 14-day rain following a nearly catastrophic drought. Similar sporadic celebrations occurred locally throughout the New England area for the next century or so, but never on a national level until 1777, during the Revolutionary War, when ‘The First National Proclamation of Thanksgiving’ was given by the Continental Congress.

In 1782, John Hanson, the first United States president under the Articles of Confederation (and mysteriously somehow forgotten from the history books), declared the fourth Thursday of every November was to be observed as Thanksgiving. Several years later, first U.S. President George Washington issued ‘The First National Thanksgiving Proclamation’ (under the Constitution), designating November 26th 1789, as a day of Thanksgiving. He did so again in 1795. Yet, it was not until 1863, in the midst of the Civil War [a.k.a. ‘The War Between the States’ or ‘The War of Northern Aggression’ (for the Southerners out there)], when the holiday as we know it was formally established by President Abraham Lincoln, at the urging and behest of Sarah Josepha Hale, editor of Godey’s Lady Book, who was lobbying for a national day off from work. Thanksgiving has since been observed annually as a national holiday across the United States.[1]

Although we can all appreciate the history lesson, nevertheless, our focus remains determining how Thanksgiving observance is viewed via the lens of halacha.

Chukos HaGoyim?

In Parshas Acharei Mos, we are exhorted not to follow in the ways of the local non-Jewish populace, “U’Vichukoseihem Lo Seleichu.”[2] According to the Rambam and later codified by the Tur and Shulchan Aruch, this prohibition includes manners of dress, haircuts, and even building styles.[3] Tosafos mentions that this prohibition includes two distinct types of customs: idolatrous ones, and those that are nonsensical; implying even if they are not done l’sheim Avodah Zarah, with specific idolatrous intent, they would still be prohibited to practice.[4]

However, other Rishonim, primarily the Ran, Mahar”i Kolon / Cologne / Colon (known as the Maharik), and Rivash, define the prohibition differently.[5] They maintain that a nonsensical custom of the Goyim is only prohibited when it is entirely irrational, with no comprehensible reason for it, or when it has connotations of idolatrous intent. Likewise, following a custom that would lead to a gross breach of modesty (pritzus) would fit the category. On the other hand, they maintain, observing a simple custom of the Goyim that has no reference to Avodah Zarah, especially if there is a valid reason for its performance, such as kavod, giving proper honor or respect, would indeed be permitted.

Although the Vilna Gaon rejects their understanding of the prohibition, and the Gilyon Maharsha seems to follow Tosafos,[6] nevertheless, the Rema explicitly rules like the Maharik and Ran, as does the Beis Yosef.[7] Accordingly, they hold that as long as a custom is secular, with no connection to Avodah Zarah, such a custom may still be observed.[8]

Most authorities over the generations, including the Mahari Kastro, the Imrei Aish, the Shoel U’Meishiv (Rav Yosef Shaul Nathanson), the Ksav Sofer, the Maharam Schick, the Maharsham (Rav Shalom Mordechai Schwadron), the Mahara”tz Chiyus, and more contemporarily, the Seridei Aish (Rav Yechiel Yaakov Weinberg), and Rav Ovadiah Yosef,zichronam levrachah,[9]allrule in accordance with the Rema’s ruling, that as long as one has valid reasons for performing a specific custom, it does not necessarily get classified as the problematic Chukos HaGoyim, unless its origins are rooted in idolatrous practice.[10] [11]

Thanksgiving: Religious or Secular?

But to understand how this affects us and possible Thanksgiving observance, we must first ascertain whether Thanksgiving is truly a religious holiday or a secular one. Of the aforementioned Thanksgiving observances, all were declared as a unique day expressly designated to thank G-d for all of his ‘gracious gifts.’ This implies that it is meant to be a religious holiday. Yet, only the Continental Congress’s proclamation made reference to the Christian deity. Additionally, there is no actual religious service connected with the day at all. Furthermore, nowadays, the vast majority of Americans simply associate Thanksgiving with food (mainly turkey), football, and family, and take the day off. This implies that its observance is strictly secular. Which is the real Thanksgiving?

Contemporary Rulings

As with many issues in halacha, there are different approaches to Thanksgiving observance. In fact, Rav Moshe Feinstein alone has written four different responsa on topic, spanning several decades.[12] Although in the earlier teshuvos he seems to be against the idea of a Thanksgiving celebration (there possibly was more religious connotations involved in the early 1960s celebrations than in the 1980s), nevertheless, in his later teshuvos he does allow a Thanksgiving observance (he notes that it is not a religious celebration) with turkey being served, as long as it is not seen as an obligatory annual celebration,[13] but rather as a periodical ‘simchas reshus.’ All the same, Rav Moshe concludes that it is still preferable not to have a celebration specifically for Thanksgiving.

Other contemporary poskim who allowed eating turkey on Thanksgiving include Rav Eliezer Silver, Rav Yosef Dov (J.B.) Soloveitchik,[14] the Rivevos Efraim,[15] and Rav Yehuda Herzl Henkin.[16] They explain that Thanksgiving is “only a day of thanks and not, Heaven forbid, for idol celebration.” They therefore maintain that merely eating turkey on Thanksgiving cannot be considered Chukos HaGoyim.

On the other hand, other contemporary authorities disagree. Rav Yitzchok Hutner, Rosh Yeshivas Rabbeinu Chaim Berlin, is quoted as maintaining that the establishment of Thanksgiving as an annual holiday that is based on the Christian calendar is, at the very least, closely associated with Avodah Zarah and therefore prohibited.[17] He explains that its annual observance classifies it as a ‘holiday’ and celebrating Gentile holidays is obviously not permitted.

It is well known that Rav Avigdor Miller was a strong proponent of this view as well, as Thanksgiving’s origins belie that it was actually established as a religious holiday.[18]

Similarly, Rav Menashe Klein ruled that it is a prohibited to celebrate Thanksgiving.[19] Aside from citing the Vilna Gaon’s opinion, which would outright prohibit any such celebration, he mentions that although the Thanksgiving holiday was originally established by Pilgrims rejoicing over their own survival, that they didn’t starve due to their finding the turkey, and might not be considered Chukos HaGoyim, nevertheless there is another prohibition involved. The Shulchan Aruch, based on a Mishnah in Maseches Avodah Zarah, rules that if an idolater makes a personal holiday for various reasons (i.e. his birthday, was let out of jail, etc.) and at that party he thanks his gods, it is prohibited to join in that celebration.[20]

Rav Klein posits that the same would apply to Thanksgiving, as it commemorates the original Pilgrim Thanksgiving, thanking G-d for the turkey and their survival, and would be certainly prohibited, and possibly even Biblically.

An analogous ruling was given by Rav Feivel Cohen zt”l (author of the Badei HaShulchan) and yblch”t Rav Dovid Cohen shlit”a (of Gevul Ya’avetz), albeit for different reasons.[21] Rav Feivel Cohen takes a seemingly extreme position, maintaining that not only is it forbidden for a Jew to celebrate Thanksgiving, it is even prohibited for a Gentile to do so as well![22]

Rav Dovid Cohen, on the other hand, writes that for a Jew to eat turkey on Thanksgiving expressly for the sake of the holiday should be prohibited by the rule of Tosafos, as it would be deemed following an irrational rule of theirs that is improper to follow. Yet, he concedes that it is not prohibited for a family to get together on a day off from work and eat turkey together, as long as they do so not to celebrate Thanksgiving, but rather because they like turkey. Even so, he concludes that it is still preferable not to do so.

Trotting Out the Turkey?

With several differing major approaches to Thanksgiving advanced by contemporary authorities, which is the prevailing custom? Should turkey be on our plates this Thursday? The answer is that it depends. As shown, there are many authorities who maintain that Thanksgiving dinner should be avoided at all costs. However, many people do eat turkey on Thanksgiving, albeit many with non-Thankgiving related intent. (Remember, even kosher turkey prices drop for the holiday!) Yet, it certainly seems preferable not make an ‘exclusively for Thanksgiving’ party. With Thanksgiving falling out on Rosh Chodesh Kislev some years, perhaps turkey may be served at a Rosh Chodesh Seudah.[23] As is usually the case, everyone should follow his community practice and the lead of their knowledgeable halachic authority.

Anecdotally, my own grandmother, Mrs. Ruth Spitz a”h, would buy a turkey, but instead of serving it for Thanksgiving dinner, would rather save it and serve it l’kavod Shabbos on the Shabbos immediately following Thanksgiving. This way one is not compromising on tradition nor halacha, and additionally receives the benefits of kavod and oneg Shabbos (as well as gaining the ‘Mitzva’ of saving money by buying said turkey on sale).

Although nowadays for many in Yeshivish and Chassidic circles the idea of observing even some semblance of Thanksgiving may seem an anathema, it is interesting to note that many authorities of the previous generation did not seem overly concerned. In fact, as is widely known, the annual Agudas Yisrael Convention, attended by many Gedolim, was traditionally held over Thanksgiving weekend for many decades, with turkey on the menu.[24] Additionally, Rav Yosef Eliyahu Henkin’s authoritative Ezras Torah calendar (with halachos for the whole year) noted Thanksgiving along with other secular holidays.

Come what may, with Chanukah on the way, we can concentrate on the upcoming days of true thanks giving, lehodos u’lehallel. In fact, although there generally is no need to be talking turkey while giving our thanks, nonetheless, this past year (5783/2022), due to a calendar quirk, turkey actually merited an honorable mention. You see, during Hallel on this past Thanksgiving - due to it being Rosh Chodesh Kislev - we all proclaimed “Hodu Lashem Ki Tov!”[25] [26]

Postscript: Turkey - Fowl Territory?

As an aside, and although widely eaten among Klal Yisrael, the turkey’s acceptance as kosher fowl is an interesting inyan unto itself, as well as a halachic and historic seeming anomaly.

The Torah enumerates twenty-four various non-kosher “birds.”[27] Since so many thousands of avian species exist, Chazalspecify four necessary anatomical indicative features (simanim) that identify a specific type of fowl as kosher: an extra toe, a crop, a peelable gizzard (meaning the gizzard’s inner lining can be peeled from the outer muscle wall), and being non-predatory (doreis).[28]

However, as the exact translation of the non-kosher birds listed in the Torah is unknown, as well as the fact that we cannot be assured of the absolute non-predatory nature of any given species of bird, many early authorities contend that we do not rely on our understanding of these simanim, but rather we only eat fowl when we have a tradition (mesorah) that this specific species is indeed kosher. Indeed, Rashi cites precedent from the case of the “Swamp Chicken” (Tarnegolta D’Agma), with which even Chazal made a mistake, not realizing at first that it is truly predatory in nature (doreis) and therefore non-kosher.[29] He therefore maintains that since we are not experts, we additionally need a mesorah to allow fowl to be eaten. The Rema,in fact, and concurred by virtually all halachic authorities, definitively rules this way lemaaseh, that we may not eat any species of bird without a mesorah.[30]

The issue is that our ubiquitous turkey is the quintessential as well as symbolic New World fowl,[31] and yet, is eaten by the vast majority of world Jewry, even though a mesorah pre-Columbus would be a seeming impossibility. One solution, proposed by the Netziv, Rav Naftali Tzvi Yehuda Berlin, venerated Rosh Yeshivas Volozhin, permitting turkey to be eaten, is on the basis that it has been eaten by Frum Yidden for several centuries and is now considered as having a mesorah.[32] Although there are certain prominent families, including descendents of the Tosafos Yom Tov and the Shlah, as well as the Frankel and Kamenetsky families, who are known to be personally stringent with partaking of turkey, nonetheless, it is widely considered not having any kashrus concerns and is indeed consumed by Klal Yisrael.[33]

Additionally, and quite interestingly, we find that several Acharonim, including the Bach, Magen Avraham, Ateres Zekeinim, Ba’er Heitiv, Aruch Hashulchan, and Mishnah Berurah,[34] understand the Yerushalmi’s ‘Red Chickens’ (Tarnegolim Aduma),[35] which we must distance ourselves from its excrement while davening,[36] (as opposed to the understanding of red excrement from a chicken) to be referring to a turkey; giving implicit consent that it is indeed a kosher bird. (However, accordingly, and quite interestingly, it remains unclear how an American New World fowl was seemingly extant in Eretz Yisrael at the time of the writing of the Yerushalmi.)

In fact, the Chazon Ish ate turkey, based on a teshuva of his father’s, Rav Shemaryahu Yosef Karelitz.[37] Obviously, the mainstream opinion that turkey is considered an acceptable fowl is also seen by the contemporary poskim who allowed it being eaten on Thanksgiving, as otherwise there would be nothing to debate.

Come what may, at least, from a kashrus perspective, it seems that turkey, the All-American fowl, is here to stay.[38]

This article was written L’Iluy Nishmas my beloved Bubby, Mrs. Ruth Spitz a”h,

Chana Rus bas Harav Yissachar Dov.

Rabbi Yehuda Spitz, author of M’Shulchan Yehuda on Inyanei Halacha and ‘Insights Into Halacha,’ serves as the Sho’el U’Meishiv and Rosh Chabura of the Ohr Lagolah Halacha Kollel at Yeshivas Ohr Somayach in Yerushalayim.

For any questions, comments or for the full Mareh Mekomos / sources, please e-mail the author: yspitz@ohr.edu.

Rabbi Spitz’s recent English halacha sefer,

“Insights Into Halacha - Food: A Halachic Analysis,” (Mosaica/Feldheim)

has more than 500 pages and features over 30 comprehensive chapters discussing a myriad of halachic issues relating to food, in an engaging manner. It is now available online and in bookstores everywhere.

[1]However, until 1942, when it was changed by a joint resolution of Congress, Thanksgiving was observed on the last Thursday in November, not the fourth Thursday. (The only practical difference is if there happens to be five Thursdays in November; otherwise, Thanksgiving remains the last Thursday).

[2]Vayikra (Ch.18: verse 3).

[3]Rambam (Hilchos Avodah Zara Ch. 11: 1- 3), Tur and Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah 17: 1), based on the Sifra (Parshas Acharei Mos, Parshata 9, Ch. 13: 8).

[4]Tosafos (Avodah Zarah 11a s.v. v’ee); answering the seeming contradiction between the Gemara in Avodah Zara ad loc. and Sanhedrin 52b).

[5]Ran (Avoda Zara 2b s.v. Yisrael), Chiddushei HaRan (Sanhedrin 52b), Shu”t Maharik (Mahar”i Kolon/ Cologne/ Colon Shoresh 88, Anaf 1), and Shu”t Rivash (vol. 1: 158 s.v. v’yesh and v’im).

[6]Biur HaGr”a (Yoreh Deah 178: end 7) and Gilyon Maharsha (ad loc. 1). The Gr”a is bothered by the fact that the sugya in Sanhedrin seems to imply differently than the views of the Maharik, Ran, and later, the Rema, that a Chok Goyim, even one that is not a Chok Avodah Zarah should still be prohibited. Others who ask this question and conclude tzarich iyun on the Maharik’s shittah include the Minchas Chinuch (Mitzvah 262: 2) and the Maharam Bennet (Divrei HaBris; cited in Shu”t Imrei Aish, Yoreh Deah 55). However, there are those who do resolve the Gr”a’s difficulty, such as the Maharam Schick (Shu”t Yoreh Deah 165).

[7]Darchei Moshe and Rema (Yoreh Deah 178: 1). Although he does not cite either side of this machlokes in his Shulchan Aruch, nevertheless, in his Beis Yosef commentary, Rav Yosef Karo elucidates the shittah of the Maharik at great length and does not even cite Tosafos. Although one may infer that the Rambam (and later the Shulchan Aruch who codified his words as halachah) actually meant similar to Tosafos’s understanding, as the implications of the prohibition of not copying actions of the Goyim, is seemingly unrelated to actions smacking of idol worship (and that is what the Ra’avad was arguing on and ruling akin to the Maharik), nonetheless, from the lashon of many other authorities, including the Maharik himself (ibid.), Sefer HaChinuch (Mitzva 262), Mabit (Kiryas Sefer on the Rambam ibid.), Meiri (Sanhedrin 52b), Bach (Yoreh Deah 178), and Divrei Chaim (Shu”t Yoreh Deah vol. 1: 30), it is clear that they understood that the Rambam himself was only referring to actions that had some relation to Avodah Zarah. See Shu”t Seridei Aish (old print vol. 3: 93; new print Yoreh Deah 39, Anaf 1: 5-14) who explains this at length. See also Shu”t Melamed L’Hoyeel (Orach Chaim 16), Shu”t Igros Moshe (Yoreh Deah vol. 4: 11), Shu”t Minchas Yitzchak (vol. 1: 29, 3 and 31), Minchas Asher (vol. 3, Vayikra, Parshas Emor, 33, pg. 197-205), and the Aderes’s recently published Ovar Orach (Shema Eliyahu, 275, pg. 271-272; 2003), who discuss the parameters of the prohibition of “U’Vichukoseihem Lo Seleichu” and its nuances at length.

[8]Perhaps the most famous manifestation of this machlokes is the well-known one regarding festooning shuls with grass and/or trees on Shavuos. While the Rema (Orach Chaim 494:3) and Magen Avraham (ad loc. 5, s.v. nohagin) cite precedence for this widespread minhag from earlier authorities, the Vilna Gaon (as cited in Chayei Adam, vol. 2, 131:13, Chochmas Adam 89:1, and Maaseh Rav 195) maintained that this minhag should be banned due to potential violation of Chukos Hagoyim. For an extensive discussion of the topic, see previous article titled ‘Adorning the Shul with Greenery on Shavuos: Minhag Yisraelor Chukos HaGoyim?’ (see also Mishpacha Magazine’s Kolmus, Shavuos 2016, “Festooning with Foliage”). Another interesting contemporary machlokes regarding flowers is whether planting flowers around a grave, ostensibly for kavod hameis, is considered a violation of Chukos HaGoyim. On this topic, see the Rogatchover Gaon’s Shu”t Tzafnas Pane’ach (vol. 1:74), Shu”t Minchas Elazar (vol. 4: 61, 3), Rav Dovid Tzvi Hoffman’s Shu”t Melamed L’Hoyeel (Yoreh Deah 109; also citing the opinions of Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch and Rav Ezriel Hildesheimer), Shu”t Minchas Yitzchak (vol. 1:31), Rav Betzalel Zolty’s maamar printed in Kovetz Noam (vol. 2: pg. 170), Shu”t Seridei Aish (new print, Yoreh Deah 108), Shu”t Yaskil Avdi (vol. 4, Yoreh Deah 25), and Shu”t Yabia Omer (vol. 3, Yoreh Deah 24).

[9]Erech Lechem L’Maharikash (Glosses to Yoreh Deah 178:1; he adds that in his opinion we may not categorize instances not mentioned by Chazal as potential ‘Chukos HaGoyim’), Shu”t Imrei Aish (Yoreh Deah 55), Yosef Daas (Yoreh Deah 348 s.v. v’hinei), Shu”t Ksav Sofer (Yoreh Deah 175), Shu”t Maharam Schick (Yoreh Deah 351), Daas Torah (Orach Chaim 494 s.v. v’nohagin and glosses to Orchos Chaim ad loc. 8), Shu”t Mahara”tz Chiyus (6), Shu”t Seridei Aish (old print vol. 3:93; new print Yoreh Deah 39, Anaf 2), and Shu”t Yabia Omer (vol. 3 Yoreh Deah 24: 5). Also of note, see Hagahos Maimoniyos (on the Rambam ad loc.) who maintains that we cannot categorize new items as “Chukos HaGoyim,” as those explicitly enumerated by the Chachamim are specifically due to a Kabbalah they had to include them as such.

[10]Rav Asher Weiss, the renowned Minchas Asher, in a recent maamar on the subject (“Shetichas Asavim B’Chag HaShavuos”; available here:), adds that several Acharonim, including the Chasam Sofer (Shu”t, Orach Chaim 159; in a teshuva to the Maharatz Chiyus) and Beis Shlomo (Shu”t Yoreh Deah vol. 1:197) made an important distinction – ruling that even if a custom started due to goyim (i.e., a specific style of dress), once it is common for Jews to act similarly, it can no longer be considered Chukos HaGoyim. Rav Weiss illustrates this salient point with the minhag of Kaparos. Although the BeisYosef(O.C. 605) cites the OrchosChaim(Erev Yom Kippur1) quoting the Ramban, that ‘shluggingKaparos’is considered DarcheiHa’Emori, with the Tur and Rema(ad loc.; and in DarcheiMoshe ad loc. 5) defending this practice as a kosher common one, would anyone nowadays think that Kaparos is DarcheiHa’Emori? Has anyone ever heard of a single, solitary non-Jew waving a chicken around his head on an October morning? Quite assuredly not. Hence, even if a minhag may have started out as a non-Jewish custom, it possibly may no longer be considered as such.

[11]Furthermore, it must be noted that the Seridei Aish (Shu”t old print vol. 3: 93; new print Yoreh Deah 39, Anaf 2) at length proves that the Gr”a’s shittah actually runs contrary to the vast majority of Rishonim who conclude that unless there is at least a ‘shemetz’ of Avodah Zarah in their actions, copying them would not be a violation of Chukos HaGoyim. See also Shu”t Bnei Banim (vol. 2: 30) who writes that the minhag ha’olam is to follow the Rema in this dispute, as even according to those who generally follow the Gr”a’s psakim, that is only when it is a machlokes Acharonim. Yet, he posits, when the Gr”a argues on both Rishonim and Acharonim, then the normative halachah does not follow his shittah. However, there are recent Acharonim who seem to disagree with this assessment. For example, see Shu”t Mishnah Halachos (vol. 10: 116) who does take the Gr”a’s opinion into account (in his specific case) and seems to side with him. The Minchas Yitzchak (vol. 1: 29, 3), as well (in his specific case) implies that if all factors were equal, it would be preferable to be machmir for the Gr”a’s shittah. Rav Betzalel Zolty (maamar printed in Kovetz Noam vol. 2; see pg. 170) as well, regarding military funerals ostensibly performed for ‘kavod hameis,’ after citing many poskim and rationale why it should not be a violation of “Chukos HaGoyim,” nonetheless concludes that according to the Gr”a it most certainly would be, and therefore such ceremonies should be prohibited.

[12]Shu”t Igros Moshe (Even HaEzer vol. 2:13; Orach Chaim vol. 5:20, 6; Yoreh Deah vol. 4:11, 4; and Yoreh Deah vol. 4:12).

[13]See also Shu”t Igros Moshe (Yoreh Deah vol. 4:57, 11) where Rav Moshe reiterates this klal not to add new dates and observances to the calendar. The Chazon Ish as well (Kovetz Igros Chazon Ish vol. 1:97), and echoed by the Minchas Yitzchak (Shu”t vol. 10: end 10) and Rav Ovadiah Yosef (Shu”t Yabia Omer vol. 6, Orach Chaim 41:6), famously wrote very strongly against setting new dates and obligatory observances into our Jewish calendar. A similar sentiment is expressed by Rav Moshe Sternbuch (Shu”t Teshuvos V’Hanhagos vol. 2:721), quoting the Brisker Rav, as well as by Rav Yosef Dov (J.B.) Soloveitchik (as stressed numerous times throughout his Mesorat HaRav Kinnos). An opposing viewpoint regarding commemorating the Holocaust was given by Rav Aryeh Leib Spitz (no relation to this author), former Av Beis Din of Riga, and later, Newark, NJ, and renowned talmid of Rav Chaim Ozer Grodzenski in a maamar published in Kovetz Hamaor (vol. 262, May-June 1981).

[14]Nefesh HaRav (pg. 231). This author has heard from several talmidim of Rav Soloveitchik’s that he would go home early on Thanksgiving, but only after making sure to give shiur, which sometimes lasted several hours. Apparently, he wanted to show his talmidim that a secular holiday is by no means an excuse to take a day off from Torah.

[15]Rav Silver’s and Rav Greenblatt’s opinions appear in theRJJ Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society (vol. 30, pg. 59).

[16] Shu”t Bnei Banim (vol. 3:37).

[17] Pachad Yitzchak - Igros U’Michtavim shel HaRav Hutner (109). Interestingly, Rav Hutner does not specify Thanksgiving by name.

[18] Aside from hearing this from several people who heard from Rav Miller directly, including my father-in-law, Rabbi Yaacov Tzvi Lieberman, Rav Miller publicly averred this in his famous Thursday night shiur (#529; titled ‘The Mitzvah of Happiness’): “What’s my opinion of Jews eating turkey on Thanksgiving? What’s my opinion of going to church on Thanksgiving? I’ve consulted three encyclopedias... Each one states as follows. Thanksgiving is a church holiday. Forget about a legal holiday, forget about an American holiday. It’s a church holiday. And it’s made for the purpose of going to church and holding services... I don’t ask Gedolim about Thanksgiving. I ask goyim what Thanksgiving is. And three kosher goyim wrote in encyclopedias that Thanksgiving is a church holiday, they’re my poskim.”

[19] Shu”t Mishnah Halachos (vol. 10:116). He does however concede on one point and clarifies that having a Thanksgiving seudah is not b’geder ‘Yaharog V’al Yaavor,’ notwithstanding what was written in his name on a Kol Koreh!

[20] Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah 148:7), based on a Mishnah in Maseches Avodah Zarah (8a).

[21] The Rabbis Cohen’s opinions appear in the RJJ Journalof Halacha and Contemporary Society (vol. 30, pg. 59). Many of these Rabbonim have written letters on topic to the author of this extensive article, Rabbi Michael J. Broyde of Atlanta, Georgia.

[22] The Badei Hashulchan’s reasoning is based on his understanding of the Rambam (Hilchos Malachim Ch. 10:9), referring to the prohibitions of a Gentile to make for himself a day of rest akin to Shabbos or a Yom Moed. Rav Cohen posits that such a day is Thanksgiving which in essence, is an attempt by Gentiles to create a special day of festivities, and is therefore prohibited. However, it is not clear to this author why Thanksgiving should be considered similar to a Moed or Yom Tov, as there is no shevisas melacha involved with anyone’s observance of the day. In fact, there is no actual observance of the day. The Rambam’s intent regarding inclusion in the category of Goyim establishing a new Yom Tov would surely not incorporate the mere actions of sitting down to eat a specific food. As Rav Asher Weiss explains (Minchas Asher on Bereishis, Parshas Noach 11, pg. 66-67), according the Rambam, in order for a Gentile’s actions to qualify for this prohibition it needs to be a ‘shevisa l’sheim chiddush das,’ and not just for rest (menucha); an example being where he would create a ‘Moed Gamur’ with its own version of Kiddush, Tefillah, and Mitzvos of the day, akin to a Yom Tov. This would certainly preclude Thanksgiving, which its observance meets none of this criteria. Perhaps this explains why the other machmirim do not make use of this halachic rationale to prohibit Thanksgiving celebrations.

[23]See Tur and Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim 419:1) and main commentaries: “Mitzvah L’Harbos B’Seudas Rosh Chodesh.”

[24]See, for example, Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetsky’s ‘Streets of Life’ column in Ami Magazine (#143, October 2, 2013, pg. 94, titled ‘Tagging Along’ and in Ami Magazine #195, December 3, 2014, pg. 100, titled ‘Let’s Talk Turkey’). This author has also heard this tidbit from noted historian Rabbi Berel Wein. Parenthetically, Rabbi Kamenetsky also mentions that his grandfather, Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky zt”l did not partake of the turkey, due to issues of mesorah. For more on this topic, see the postscript, as well as a previous article titled ‘Buffalo Burgers and the Zebu Controversy’(see also Yated Ne’eman19 Adar II 5774 | March 21, 2014).

[25]Aside from “Hodu” meaning “Give thanks”, as well as referring to the country of India, in Modern Hebrew it actually refers to “turkey.”

[26] Interestingly, there may more to this minhag, even when Thanksgiving does not coincide with Rosh Chodesh. As related to this author by R’ Avi Brummer, as told to him directly by Rav Yitzchok (Irving) Chinn, longtime Rav of the Cong. Gemilas Chesed of Mckeesport, Pennsylvania [see Shu”t Igros Moshe (Y.D. vol. 2:54) for a fascinating teshuva from Rav Moshe Feinstein to Rav Chinn regarding the permissibility of a erecting a JFK statue in tribute for the fallen president)] and talmid muvchak of Rav Shraga Feivel Mendlowitz, that Rav Shraga Feivel was of the opinion that one should say Hallel with a brachah on Thanksgiving. This is due to the fact that the settlement of North America by Europeans allowed numerous Jewish lives to be saved over the centuries, and thus the celebration of such an event was worthy of being considered a Neis. Although this was not the official minhag of Torah V’Daas, Rav Chinn recounted that several talmidim did take it upon themselves personally after hearing Rav Mendlowitz discuss it. In the concluding words of Rabbi Brummer, “I’m not sure if it was meant as a full Hallel or a Chetzi Hallel. Now, Rav Chinn did say that this was a severely minority opinion, but it does further add to the discussion.”

[27]Vayikra (Parashas Shemini Ch. 11:13-24) and Devarim (Parashas Re’eh Ch. 14:11-21).

[28]Mishnah and following Gemara(Chullin 59a-61b). There is much debate among the Rishonim how to properly define these simanim, especially a “non-doreis,” as well as if the Gemara’s intent was that all four features are necessary to render a bird kosher, or if the three physical characteristics are sufficient proof that the fowl is non-predatory and therefore kosher.

[29]Gemara Chullin (62b) and Rashi (ad loc. s.v. chazyuha).

[30]Rema (Y.D. 82:3). The Shulchan Aruch (Y.D. 82:2) actually rules this way as well, but allows several more leniencies (see ad loc. 82:3) than the Rema’s stronger language.

[31]It is told that Benjamin Franklin even wanted the turkey to be the official bird / National Symbol of the USA, and not the Bald Eagle. It seems he lost that vote. See http://birdnote.org/show/national-symbol-turkey-vs-eagle.

[32]Shu”t Meishiv Davar (Yoreh Deah 22).

[33]For more on the topic of the kashrus status of turkey, and its more kashrus-wise complicated companion fowl, the Muscovy Duck, Posen Hen, Guineafowl, and/or Cochin, and how they are/were viewed from a halachic perspective through the ages, see Nachal Eshkol (on the Sefer Ha’Eshkol, Hilchos Beheima, Chaya, v’Of 22:10; he understands there to be an Indian mesorah on the turkey), Knesses HaGedolah (Y.D. 82:31), Shu”t Shoel U’Meishiv (Mahadura Telita’ei vol. 1:149 and Mahadura Chamisha’ah vol. 1:69), Shu”t Chasam Sofer (Y.D. 74), Shu”t Divrei Chaim (O.C. 9 and Y.D. vol. 2:45-48), Shu”t Maharam Schick (Y.D. 98-100), Shu”t Tuv Taam V’Daas (Mahadura Telita’ei 150-152), Shu”t Ha’Elef Lecha Shlomo (Y.D. 111), Shu”t Beis Yitzchak (Y.D. vol. 1:106), Shu”t Yehuda Yaaleh (vol. 1, Y.D. 92-94), Shu”t Tzelosa D’Avraham (7), Shu”t HaRim (Y.D. 8), Shu”t Tzemach Tzedek (Y.D. 60), Shu”t She’eilas Shalom (Y.D. 22), Arugas Habosem (Kuntress HaTeshuvos 16), Shu”t Ori V’Yishi (vol. 1:11), Damesek Eliezer (51:84 and Ch. 4, 12:73), Shu”t Binyan Tzion (vol. 1:42), Shu”t Dvar Halacha (53), Rav Yissachar Dov Illowy’s Shu”t Milchemos Elokim (pg. 162-165; also citing teshuvos from Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch and Rav Nosson Adler, the first Chief Rabbi of England; regarding the Muscovy Duck), Shu”t Avnei Nezer (Y.D. 75), Shu”t Michtav Sofer (Y.D. 3), Shu”t Melamed L’Hoyeel (vol. 2-Y.D. 15), the Maharsham’s Daas Torah (Y.D. 82:3), Shu”t Mei Be’er (19; who opines that the turkey actually came from India and even has a mesorah dating back to Moshe Rabbeinu!), Zivchei Tzedek (Y.D. 82:17), Darchei Teshuva (Y.D. 82:26), Rav Yehuda Leib Tsirelsohn’s Maarchei Lev (Chelek HaTeshuvos, Y.D. 30; regarding the Posen Hen), Shu”t Divrei Malkiel (vol. 4:56), Rav Yosef Aharon Teren of Argentina’s Zecher Yosef (pg. 1a-6b; regarding the Muscovy Duck), Shu”t Nishmas Chaim (Y.D. 63), Kaf Hachaim (Y.D. 82:21), Shu”t Igros Moshe (Y.D. vol. 1:34; also citing the opinions of Rav Naftali Carlebach and Rav Yosef Eliyahu Henkin; regarding the Posen Hen), Shu”t Har Tzvi (Y.D. 75; regarding the Muscovy Duck), Shu”t Minchas Yitzchak (vol. 5:31), Kovetz Mesorah (vol. 3, pg. 60-65; in a maamar from the Beis Avi, Rav Yitzchak Isaac Liebes, regarding Rock Cornish Hens), Rav Yisroel Belsky’s Shu”t Shulchan Halevi (Ch. 19:1; pg. 169-170; regarding the turkey and vis-à-vis the Muscovy Duck), Rav Shmuel Salant’s recent posthumously published Aderes Shmuel (222; pg. 225-228), Sichas Chullin (pg. 429, on Chullin 63a; who astoundingly posits that the turkey mesorah possibly came from the Ten Lost Tribes who might have been early Native Americans, as per Rav Menashe ben Yisrael’s unsubstantiated theory (in his seminal Mikveh Yisrael), who then contacted Indian and English Poskim!!), and Rav Yaakov Yedidyah Adani’s fascinating halachic history of the Muscovy Duck, published in Kovetz Eitz Chaim (vol. 26; Elul 5776, pg. 430-455). The mainstream opinion that turkey is considered an acceptable fowl is also seen by the contemporary Poskim who allowed it being eaten on Thanksgiving.

[34]See Bach (O.C. 79, s.v. kasav Beis Yosef), Magen Avraham (ad loc. 14), Ateres Zekeinim (ad loc.), Ba’er Heitiv (ad loc. 12), Aruch Hashulchan (ad loc. 16), and Mishnah Berurah (ad loc. 26).

[35]Yerushalmi (Eruvin Ch. 3, Halacha 5).

[36]See Shulchan Aruch (O.C. 79:6).

[37]This teshuva was recently published in Shu”t V’Chiddushim Chazon Ish (132); see also Orchos Rabbeinu (new edition - 5775; vol. 4, pg. 9, 1).

[38]See Rabbi Ari Zivotofsky’s excellent and thorough treatment of the Turkey at Kashrut.com.

Disclaimer: This is not a comprehensive guide, rather a brief summary to raise awareness of the issues. In any real case one should ask a competent Halachic authority.

L'iluy Nishmas the Rosh HaYeshiva - Rav Chonoh Menachem Mendel ben R' Yechezkel Shraga, Rav Yaakov Yeshaya ben R' Boruch Yehuda.

DEI Training And Hitler

A massive new study was released this month on the effect that Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) training programs had on individual perceptions and behavior. The results were almost entirely negative.

As the study authors write, their research was devised to examine how people react to "diversity training" programs and books from DEI advocates like Ibram Kendi.

"This study focused on diversity training interventions that emphasize awareness of and opposition to ‘systemic oppression,’ a trend fueled by the 2020 Black Lives Matter movement and popularized by texts such as Ibram X. Kendi’s, How to Be an Antiracist."

Instead of encouraging empathy, tolerance and less racism, DEI trainings pushed individuals across all groups into inaccurately identifying prejudice and "hostility," even when none was present. Then reacting to that fake racism with anger and vitriol. 

"Across all groupings, instead of reducing bias, they engendered a hostile attribution bias, amplifying perceptions of prejudicial hostility where none was present, and punitive responses to the imaginary prejudice."

Sounds about right.

To test the level of harm created by Kendi and other DEI "experts" like Robin DiAngelo, the researchers created a neutral text about U.S. corn production, and randomized participants to read it or a DEI essay.

"Participants were randomly assigned to one of two groups: one exposed to a neutral control essay about U.S. corn production and the other exposed to an essay which combined educational texts from prominent DEI scholars, Ibram X. Kendi and Robin DiAngelo."

Afterwards, the same groups were shown a completely neutral text about college admissions that read: "A student applied to an elite East Coast university in Fall 2024. During the application process, he was interviewed by an admissions officer. Ultimately, the student’s application was rejected."

Sure enough, the group that read the combined essay from Kendi and DiAngelo was significantly more likely to believe that racism had played a part in the hypothetical student's rejection. Even though the sentence never mentioned any details that would be indicative of racism.

Those who read the DEI text were also significantly more likely to want to punish the admissions officer, even though, once again, there was no racism in the sentence. 

When the researchers conducted an experiment on the Hindu caste system, the extremism of DEI training actually led respondents to agree with slightly altered quotes from Adolf Hitler. 

"Similarly, the caste study revealed a significant increase in agreement with demonizing statements adapted from Adolf Hitler’s quotes, where the term "Jew" was replaced with ‘Brahmin,’ a group often depicted as oppressors in caste narratives. Participants exposed to the DEI content were markedly more likely to endorse Hitler’s demonization statements, agreeing that Brahmins are ‘parasites’ (+35.4%), ‘viruses’ (+33.8%), and ‘the devil personified’ (+27.1%). These findings suggest that exposure to anti-oppressive narratives can increase the endorsement of the type of demonization and scapegoating characteristic of authoritarianism."

These results are stunning, if not entirely unexpected. Instead of creating tolerance, acceptance and agreeable traits, DEI training and authors like Kendi and DiAngelo create hostility, disagreement and demonization. Because instead of instructing readers to treat people fairly, equally and with respect, they create a victim/oppressor ideology. One that's played out in how far left rich white college students have acted towards the Israel/Hamas conflict. 

It's harmful, malicious work that deserves to be treated with scorn and contempt. Hopefully, this study is the first step in doing so.

Helping The Homeless

For every movie Robin Williams filmed, he made sure in his contract that the production company had to hire at least 10 homeless people to have jobs as extras. During his entire career, he helped over 1500 people sleeping on the street to get them some food and extra cash. 

התופעה המצערת של ניתוק הילדים מההורים

בהתחלה כששמעתי את הסיפור הזה לא באמת האמנתי שהתופעה הזו באמת קיימת. נראה לי פשוט הזוי מידי. מופרך. מופרע. אבל אחר כך התחלתי לקבל פרטים ולשמוע יותר על המקרה הזה ובא לי להקיא:

מסתבר שאחת מהילדות של זוג הורים שאני מכיר פשוט החליטה לנתק את הקשר עם ההורים שלה. מה שקראתם.

כששמעתי את זה בפעם הראשונה שאלתי: "מה? למה? איך אפשר בכלל להתנתק מההורים שלך?" מה זה השטויות האלו?".

אשתו של חבר שלי שהתארחתי אצלם ניסתה להסביר לי: "מה, זה לא נראה לך הגיוני שילד שהייתה לו מערכת יחסים רעילה עם ההורים שלו והנוכחות של ההורים שלו לא עושה לו טוב או יותר נכון, מזיקה לו בחיים, אתה מצפה שהוא ימשיך להיות איתם בקשר? אני יודעת את זה כי גם לי קרה מקרה דומה. אז אני לא מתנתקת מההורים שלי לגמרי ובכל זאת כמעט שלא מדברת איתם. לדעתי הפעם האחרונה שדיברתי איתם הייתה יותר משנה...".

"וואלה?" אמרתי לה: "יותר משנה? אמיתי?"

"כן" היא אמרה..."להגיד לך שזה לא כואב לי? זה כואב לי...אבל הקשר איתם כואב לי יותר. החלטתי שאני צריכה לנקות מהחיים שלי אנשים שלא עושים לי טוב...לקח לי זמן לקבל את ההחלטה הזו אבל עכשיו אני לגמרי שלמה איתה. החיים קצרים מידי בשביל לשרוף אותם על קשרים שהורסים אותנו".

חשבתי על הדברים שלה ואז נתקלתי בכתבה הבאה מתוך 'הארץ' : "עדיף להיות יתום מלהישאר בן ערובה": היועץ שמעודד אנשים להתנתק מהוריהם שיטת פטריק טיהאן, שתופסת תאוצה ברשתות החברתיות, טוענת שילדים־בוגרים שסובלים מטראומת ילדות צריכים לנתק קשר עם הוריהם".

אז ת'אמת שאני לא מכיר את הפטריק טיהאן הזה ולא יודע מה הסרט שלו בחיים. מה שאני כן יודע זה את מה שכתבו חז"ל בתלמוד הירושלמי, פרק א, משנה א: שאלו את רבי אלעזר: עד היכן כיבוד אב ואם? מה ''הגבול'' של כיבוד הורים, (האם יש מקרים בהם אין חובת כיבוד?)

אמר להם: כדי שיטול ארנקי ויזרקנו לים בפניו, ואינו מכלימו – ענה רבי אליעזר: אפילו אם אחד ההורים לוקח את הארנק וזורק אותו לים בפני הילד – יש לכבדו, ואין לבייש את ההורה המבצע פעולה זו.

אתה הבנת את זה אדון פטריק טיהאן?

יכול להיות שההורים שלנו גידלו אותנו עם טעויות וכל מיני שריטות.

יכול להיות שהם היו בכלל הורי הליקופטר וקיצצו לנו את הכנפיים

יכול להיות שהם לא היו שם בשבילנו כשהיינו צריכים

יכול להיות שהם לא תמכו בנו כשממש היינו צריכים שינגבו לנו את הדמעות

ויכול להיות שהם היו עסוקים כל היום בעבודה ובקושי נשאר להם זמן להיות לזמן איכות אמיתי איתנו. הכול נכון.

אבל הם עדיין ההורים שלנו! אלו שנתנו לנו ביחד עם אלוהים את החיים שלנו בעולם הזה. אלו שקמו באמצע הלילה בשביל להרגיע אותנו. אלו שהפסיקו לספור את הפעמים שבהם לכלכו את הידיים שלהם בשביל הניקיון שלנו. אלו שגם בשתיים לפנות בוקר יטוסו להציל אותנו, מהם אנחנו רוצים להתנתק?

ואם הם באמת יוצרים מערכת ערכים שהיא רעילה עבורנו, אז וואלה, בוא ננסה להתמודד. להגביל. לווסת. לעשות בחכמה. אבל לנתק איתם קשר? מה השתגענו?

ויודעים מה חשבתי? שבסופו של דבר בחיים האלו, גלגל מסתובב בעולם. ולכן כל ילד שניתק את הקשר עם ההורים שלו ויהפוך בעצמו לאבא, בסופו של דבר קרוב לוודאי שגם לו יהיו ילדים ויודעים מה? אולי יום אחד גם הם יחשבו שההתנהגות שלו רעילה להם. ומה אז?

שומע פטריק טיהאן? אולי יום אחד גם הילדים שלך יחליטו שהקשר איתך הספיק להם והגיע הזמן להפליג הלאה ולהשאיר אותך מתבוסס בכאב ובתסכול של עצמך

ואולי רק אז, תבין למה ילדים לא צריכים להתנתק מההורים שלהם. מעבר לכפיות הטובה. מעבר לסוציומטיזם העצמי. מעבר להזיה הגדולה. זה פשוט לא טבעי ולא נכון. ואם עדיין לא הבנת, פשוט תסתכל אל תוך הלב שלך. הוא כבר יסביר לך.

ואולי זה בכלל קשור לפוסט מודרניזם ולקדושת המימוש העצמי ולעיקרון שיישרף העולם, אנחנו צריכים ליהנות מהעולם הזה כמה שניתן ולהגשים את עצמנו בכל מחיר. גם בשריפת הקשר והלב של ההורים שלנו.

אבל למה יש לי תחושה שכל הילדים שעשו את זה ו'הגשימו' את עצמם וניתקו את מערכת היחסים שלהם עם ההורים שלהם, בסופו של דבר, לא באמת שמחים והאושר מהם והלאה.

ובלילה בלילה...הם אפילו מנגבים לעצמם את הדמעות.

כי ההורים שלהם כבר נפטרו מהעולם וכעת...מאוחר מידי.

Show Affection To Your Children??

How often do you hug your children?

We all live busy, stressful lives and have endless concerns as parents, but it is clear that one of the most important things we need to do is to stop and give our kids a big loving squeeze. Research over the past decade highlights the link between affection in childhood and health and happiness in the future.

According to Child Trends – the leading nonprofit research organization in the United States focused on improving the lives and prospects of children, youth, and their families – science supports the idea that warmth and affection expressed by parents to their children results in life-long positive outcomes for those children.

Higher self-esteem, improved academic performance, better parent-child communication, and fewer psychological and behavior problems have been linked to this type of affection. On the other hand, children who do not have affectionate parents tend to have lower self esteem and to feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, and anti-social.

There have been a number of recent studies that highlight the relationship between parental affection and children’s happiness and success.

In 2010, researchers at Duke University Medical School found that babies with very affectionate and attentive mothers grow up to be happier, more resilient, and less anxious adults. The study involved about 500 people who were followed from when they were infants until they were in their 30s. When the babies were eight months old, psychologists observed their mothers’ interactions with them as they took several developmental tests.

The psychologists rated the mother’s affection and attention level on a five-point scale ranging from “negative” to “extravagant.” Nearly 10 percent of the mothers showed low levels of affection, 85 percent demonstrated a normal amount of affection, and about six percent showed high levels of affection.

Then 30 years later, those same individuals were interviewed about their emotional health. The adults whose mothers showed “extravagant” or “caressing” affection were much less likely than the others to feel stressed and anxious. They were also less likely to report hostility, distressing social interactions, and psychosomatic symptoms.

The researchers involved in this study concluded that the hormone oxytocin may be responsible for this effect. Oxytocin is a chemical in the brain released during times when a person feels love and connection. It has been shown to help parents bond with their children, adding a sense of trust and support between them. This bond most likely helps our brain produce and use oxytocin, causing a child to feel more positive emotions.

Next, a 2013 study from UCLA found that unconditional love and affection from a parent can make children emotionally happier and less anxious. This happens because their brain actually changes as a result of the affection. On the other hand, the negative impact of childhood abuse and lack of affection impacts children both mentally and physically. This can lead to all kinds of health and emotional problems throughout their lives. What’s really fascinating is that scientists think parental affection can actually protect individuals against the harmful effects of childhood stress.

Then in 2015, a study out of the University of Notre Dame showed that children who receive affection from their parents were happier as adults. More than 600 adults were surveyed about how they were raised, including how much physical affection they had. The adults who reported receiving more affection in childhood displayed less depression and anxiety and were more compassionate overall. Those who reported less affection struggled with mental health, tended to be more upset in social situations, and were less able to relate to other people’s perspectives.

Researchers have also studied the benefits of skin-to-skin contact for infants. This special interaction between mother and baby, in particular, helps calm babies so they cry less and sleep more. It has also been shown to boost brain development. According to an article in Scientific American, children who lived in a deprived environment like an orphanage had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol than those who lived with their parents. Scientists believe that the lack of physical contact in the orphanages is a major factor in these physical changes.

Finally, numerous studies on the effects of massage show the positive benefits it offers to reduce anxiety in children. Massage is also a good way for parents to connect to their children, both physically and emotionally. Starting in infancy, a parent can begin to massage their child, which can create a strong bond. Studies have shown children and adults who receive massage experience less anxiety during academic stress, hospital stays, and other stressful events.

So, how can you bring more hugs into your family’s day?

From the moment you bring your baby home from the hospital, be sure to hold, touch, and rock them in your arms. Spend many precious moments caressing your baby so that their skin can touch your skin.

As they get older continue being affectionate. 

Set a reminder to make sure hugging is part of your daily routine. In the recent Trolls movie, the Trolls wore watches with alarm clocks that would go off every hour for hug time. If that’s what it takes, then set yourself an alarm. Or make sure to give your kids a hug during certain times of the day, such as before they leave for school, when they get home from school, and before bedtime.

Another interesting idea is to use affection while disciplining your child. As you talk to them about what they did wrong, put your hand on their shoulder and give them a hug at the end of the conversation to ensure them that, even if you are not pleased with their behavior, you still love them. If your children hit their sister or brother, hug them and explain how hugging feels better than hitting.

Finally, be careful not to go overboard and smother your kids. Respect their individual comfort level, and be aware that this will change as they go through different stages.