After President of the US, about the hardest job in the world is being a principal of a school. There are often hundreds of kids which means THOUSANDS of emotional and educational difficulties that must be dealt with on a daily basis. Who is perfectly healthy emotionally? Nobody is even close. Who comes to school with no emotional baggage from home? Whether it is parents who are divorced or should be divorced, sibling rivalry, or other delicate family issues. Nobody. We all are composites of qualities that make it easier for people to deal with us and qualities that make it hard for people to deal with us. As adults we have hopefully honed our middos and developed our emotional world [the emphasis is on "hopefully"] but as kids we are so raw, sensitive and low in self awareness. A child can't say to himself "I have low frustration tolerance which is exacerbated by the fact that I didn't sleep well last night. That is why homework is so difficult. Mommy had a rough day and I am not gong to burden her. I will make sure to get this homework done no matter what without losing my bearings". A child generally can't say "It is hard for this teacher to control the class so I will sit quietly and try to convince my friends to do the same". Kids act based mostly on impulse [as do most adults much of the time]. A principal has to deal with ALL THAT!! Add the ADD, ADHD and countless other emotional and educational disorders, diagnosed or not. I had no specific conditions or learning disabilities of which I am aware [my mother claims that I am very smart and a good boy but she is a] related and nogaas ba-davar and thus פסולה לעדות and b] the only person who thinks that:-)] but I was an almost impossible student. I just hated school and only wanted to play ball and watch TV [this was before home computers]. EVERY kid has "stuff". I was just one of hundreds.
From "stuff" to staff - Then one must deal with the staff. No easy task. They all have ideas about how things should be done, which are often counter to the principal's ideas and they are sure that they are right. Plus, they often dislike him because he is their boss. Adults come along with their own fair share of emotional issues. All of them. He has to make sure that all of the teachers are doing their job in a sensitive and gentle way finding the balance between be the highest authority figure while at the same time showing them the respect that they deserve. [Note - Almost all educators are great people, devoted, selfless and idealistic. But there are bound to be personality and teaching philosophy clashes].
Then one has to deal with criticisms from parents. The principal is told at once that the school is too religious and not religious enough, he is spending too much money or not enough, he should fire a certain teacher and not fire him, he should start this program in the school and not start it etc. etc. YOU CAN'T WIN!
A principal is a human being expected to do a super human job.
This brings me to Rabbi Dovid Kaminetzky z"l who passed away last week. He was my principal at Manhattan Day School for most of the years I was there [from '74 to '85]. I feel TREMENDOUS gratitude towards him because elementary school is where I received all of the building blocks that I have used since. Whether it is knowing how to read and write English and Hebrew or the positive feelings I have towards Torah observance [which is so critical in one's youth. There are THOUSANDS of kids off the derech because of even ONE bad experience in school] or all of the other things I learned and gained throughout those formative years. There is NOTHING one can do as an adult to erase the effects of one's childhood when one is so impressionable and sensitive. If one was traumatized then it takes a lifetime of hard work to get over it and become stronger.
I was a very, very difficult kid. As I said, all I wanted to do was play sports and watch TV and had less than no interest in school. I had crushes on various girls at various times [who should bentch hagomel that they married someone else...] and was a star in gym class and on the various sports teams [or fancied myself as such] but otherwise school was a bore. MDS had to have me from about 8:30 to 4:30 every day. And I wasn't the only one there. There were kids who came from non-observant homes who just put on their yarmulkes for school. Kids whose parents were divorced. Kids who couldn't sit still. Kids who were aggressive, depressive, angry or sullen. Brilliant kids sitting in the same classroom as kids quite limited in intellectual capacity [whom we affectionately called "retards" which today, thank G-d, is an almost capital offense] and the list goes on and on. The Commander in Chief? Rabbi Dovid Kaminetzky who never, never ever, ever ever - raised his voice, instilled fear or intimidated us in any way. Unfailingly soft spoken and easy going, forever dedicated. I can only imagine now as an adult how much he was dealing with all at the same time.
The results? Thousands of homes built upon the principles of Torah and yiddishkeit. Some more observant some less - but the overwhelming majority, success stories, both religiously and professionally. From avreichim who wear shtreimlich [I know at least two like that] to doctors, lawyers, CEO's, teachers and the entire range of professions all built upon the education and experiences of their youth at MDS. But more important than professional success are the families that were created, because what does our continuity as a people depend upon if not families?
So thank you teachers and principals everywhere. AND THANK YOU RABBI K. FOR ALL YOU DID FOR ME AND SO MANY OTHERS IN YOUR FIVE DECADES OF BEING A JEWISH EDUCATOR!!!
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A few memories:
1] When we graduated from elementary school we had a shabbaton at Camp Magen Av [where Rabbi K. worked in the summer]. I remember Rabbi Kaminetzky getting up and speaking about each child separately. When he got to me he said "Allan Ehrman" [or maybe he said "Elchonon" Ehrman, I don't remember] and then flashed a big smile. To me, the smile meant - this is going to be a challenge, for what good things could he say about me? I mean, when talking about Michael or Elie or Steven or Sammy or Miriam or Bracha or Tzivia - that was easy. Great students, well behaved, a cinch. So many compliments to say!. But Allan? What is he going to say? That although I was a lefty he really saw that my dribbling with my right hand had improved? That because of my heartfelt tefillos, the Mets will eventually win a World Series [which they did two years later]? That Mr. Panarese, our Italian science teacher, once manhandled me when he lost his temper and we were both called to Rabbi K's office and told [very calmly and softly] to behave and that he recommends now as I graduate that I shouldn't get Italians too mad lest they have Mafia ties? What is he going to say? I don't remember what he said but I DO remember that he made me feel special, and to paraphrase Robert Frost - "that made all the difference".
Thank you Rabbi K.
2] Two years ago I had the privilege of attending the bris of his great grandson, son of my beloved friends Rabbi Jonah [Meir Zeev] and Shoshana Steinmetz [who as a single girl once ate a Shabbos meal at my home in the Old City - what an honor to host Rabbi Kaminetzky's granddaughter!]. I excitedly approached him and we spoke. I told him what a special boy his granddaughters husband is and he said with unveiled amazement that he heard a complex pipul [about inyanei Sotah] from Rav Jonah for about an hour WITHOUT NOTES. His pride, joy and nachas at the fact that he had such a talmid chochom for a grandson in law was palpable. I have returned to that conversation many times and it made me ALSO want to be able to say complex pilpulim from memory. I resigned myself to the fact that my tefillos helped the Mets win the '86 World Series but when I give shiurim I need notes in front of me.
3] At some point he decided to teach the student body a new tune for על כן נקוה. He sang it for us and I remember being struck with how beautiful his voice was. I still remember the tune well.
4] My brother Jonathan was a classmate of his son [Rav] Yisrael at MTA. I remember my brother telling me that despite the fact that Yisrael was a great ball player, he was not allowed by his father to try out for the team in order to focus on his academics. I was in awe. This man believes that studies are more important than sports. WOW!!
Rabbi Kaminetzky lived in New York-New Jersey of the materialistic me-age of the 1900's and early 2000's but NEVER forgot what values were paramount. Torah, middos tovos and passing on the torch lit at Mount Sinai [at which hospital, not coincidentally, so many MDS students, myself included, were born] to the next generation.
His loss is painful for his family and for the so many thousands who were touched by him, myself included. But the lessons he imparted will last FOREVER.
THANK YOU RABBI K. WE LOVE YOU!!!
