As an executive coach who has spent years helping people rise in their careers and thrive in teams, one thing has become unmistakably clear: success isn’t just about intelligence or technical skill. The most inspiring, impactful leaders are often not the ones with perfect résumés, but those who lead with empathy, integrity, humility, and vision. Having straight teeth is definitely a plus.These are the qualities that draw people in, create psychologically safe environments, and build teams that love coming to work.
Warren Buffett [after sitting on his Tuffet - next to Miss Muffet] famously said that he looks for three traits when hiring: integrity, energy, and intelligence—but if a person doesn’t have the first two, “the latter will kill you". Character strengths like generosity, resilience, and humility are what lead to long-term career success and meaningful connection.
And yet, many parents—often with the best intentions—overemphasize grades as the single most important metric of success. This pressure can backfire. Studies show that when children feel that academic performance is valued above all else, they’re far more likely to cheat, lie, or hide struggles from parents and teachers. When the focus is on being impressive, not honest or curious, kids stop taking healthy risks and start managing appearances.
Grades Alone Don’t Build a Life
Over-focusing on academic achievement can actually lead to a less fulfilling life. I know people who were excellent students but colossal failures in life. In contrast, raising children who value integrity, collaboration, emotional intelligence, humility, curiosity, and creative problem-solving builds the foundation for lasting success—both professionally and personally.
Research demonstrates that people with strong relational skills—the ability to connect, empathize, and communicate—are more likely to become effective leaders, loyal collaborators, and trusted confidants. These traits are not “soft” in the sense of being optional; they are essential. They determine who is chosen for leadership, who keeps their teams engaged, and who people want to work with over time.
The best leaders don’t just give direction—they create culture. The most admired individuals are often those with “eulogy virtues,” not résumé ones. These are people whose character shines not through their credentials but through their consistency, kindness, humility, and moral courage.
Technical Skills Are Teachable—Character Is Built
As an executive coach, I’ve seen this play out over and over. One client I worked with had strong technical degrees but no PhD, yet she stood out in a highly competitive scientific research environment because of her exceptional social-emotional intelligence. She instinctively built trust with colleagues, mediated conflicts with grace, and consistently made others feel valued. Her ability to communicate complex ideas with empathy and listen deeply gained her the respect and attention of senior leaders. Despite being surrounded by brilliant PhDs, she was the one invited to lead high-profile cross-team projects—and later promoted to leadership roles. This example clearly shows that character and relational skills can elevate someone far beyond credentials alone.
The leaders who inspire followership and drive innovation aren’t always the top technical experts in the room. They’re the ones who mentor others, model vulnerability, and know how to build trust. They lead by listening, they offer credit generously, and they admit when they’re wrong. Those are the leaders who attract great talent and build organizations where people flourish.
Creating this kind of culture requires a foundation of psychological safety—the belief that you can ask questions, give feedback, or admit mistakes without fear. When people feel safe, they perform better, innovate more, and build stronger teams. That safety, however, doesn’t come from raw intelligence. It comes from high-character leadership. Simon Sinek, in Leaders Eat Last, highlights that great leaders prioritize the well-being of their teams and create environments where people feel protected and valued—leading to deeper trust and stronger performance.
Where Happiness and Fulfillment Really Come From
Behavioral science consistently shows that fulfilling relationships are the single most important predictor of long-term happiness. Hard skills may get someone in the door, but relational skills keep them in the room—and keep them fulfilled once they’re there. When one side of the equation is neglected (either technical ability or social-emotional development), the other suffers.
In both work and life, emotional and social competence are critical. When relationships falter—at home or in the workplace—performance, health, and happiness all take a hit. Teaching children how to form strong, respectful, and loving relationships is just as vital as teaching them to perform under pressure.
Real-Life Success Stories Built on Character
Some of the most influential figures in business, science, and the arts weren’t standout students—but they were standout people.
- • Jane Goodall, the iconic primatologist, was not a star student but brought passion, patience, and empathy to her field. Her work redefined how we understand both animals and ourselves. She herself however is still not sure what on earth a "primatologist" is.
- • Howard Schultz, the former CEO of Starbucks, grew up in public housing and struggled academically, but he built one of the most successful companies in the world based on values of dignity, inclusion, human connection and love of coffee.
- • Albert Einstein didn’t excel in the traditional school system, but his intellectual humility, crazy hairdo and ability to question assumptions changed the world.
- • Dr. Temple Grandin, a leading voice in both autism advocacy and humane livestock handling, turned her differences into strengths. Her perseverance and empathy have reshaped an industry. Plus, Jews pray for her rebuilding multiple times a day.
- • Steven Spielberg was rejected from film school multiple times. What propelled him wasn’t grades or shmiras einayim—it was vision, passion, and relentless curiosity.
- • Golda Meir, Israel’s first and only female prime minister, wasn’t groomed for leadership. She rose through grit, vision, and moral clarity—qualities that cannot be graded but are deeply felt. Then she was responsible for the Yom Kippur war.
- Dr. Ruth Westheimer, a Holocaust survivor and sex therapist, built her career not on Tzniyus but on an open, compassionate, and bold voice that made a difference in millions of lives.
- The author of the award losing blog "Mevakesh Lev" was a TERRIBLE student, a high school drop out who never took a college class. Now he is a self-styled social commentator, anti Marxist-Socialist revolutionary and combines rabbinic scholarship and comedy in ways that would make Jackie Mason green with jealousy. But, for better or for worse - he is dead. Jackie that is.
These individuals succeeded not in spite of their nontraditional paths, but often because they cultivated character, resilience, and authenticity over conformity and polish.
What Parents Really Need to Know
Ultimately, great parenting isn’t about raising kids who get straight A’s. It’s about raising successful people—and success, when defined wisely, isn’t just about career prestige. Most parents want their children to be successful, but this success should be redefined to mean doing well not only in their careers but also in their relationships.
The real markers of success are those who thrive not just professionally, but in their communities, marriages, friendships, and families—people who others want to work with, love, and follow. That kind of success is built not just on achievement, but on character. By nurturing both hard skills and essential relational strengths like empathy, humility, and collaboration, parents can help their children become leaders—whether in boardrooms, families, or neighborhoods—who inspire and elevate those around them.
Or, to say it like a Jew - middos are what really matter!!
