Everything we do (and think, for that matter) is governed by impulses firing across synapses, or spaces between certain cells that guide communication in the brain. When any behavior or pattern is repeated enough, the synaptic pathways associated with that pattern get used to being accessed. As a result, it becomes easier for impulses to travel along those pathways, and the behavior seems "natural." In other words, to the brain, wake-coffee-toasted-bread, in that order, is practically instinctive. One action triggers the next.
The reality is, habits are easier to make than they are to break. If you repeat a behavior often enough, those synaptic pathways are going to get worn in. The human brain is a very adaptive piece of machinery..... Everyone's brain is different, and habit formation also relies on aspects of experience and personality.
Breaking a habit is a lot more complicated, because while parts of those worn-in pathways can weaken without use, they never go away They can be reactivated with the slightest provocation.
But there are some steps you can take to increase your chances of success in the endeavor, including:
- Take small steps. Don't try to do everything at once. (So, instead of "I'm going to exercise every day," start with "I'm going to exercise twice a week.")
- Only try to change one habit at a time. (Instead of "I'm going to quit eating junk food, start exercising, and go to sleep at 10 p.m. instead of 2 a.m.," start with "I'm going to quit eating junk food.")
- Write down the habit you want to change, and write down specific plans for achieving that goal. (Rather than writing "I will exercise," write, "I will start walking 30 minutes twice a week, on Monday and Thursday, and I will wake up at 7 a.m., so I can walk before work on those days.")
- Repeat the behavior you're aiming for as often as you can. The more a behavior is repeated, the more likely it is that it will become "instinctive."
Sweet friends!! You too can change - but only if you really want to. [How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? One. But the light bulb has to really want to change.]
MOST people don't change very much. Their patterns of thought and behavior are repeated again and again because of the repeated access of the same synaptic pathways. I am 41 and have known people for decades and never cease to be amazed at how PREDICTABLE people are. I know one gentleman who is not predictable but that is because he is mentally imbalanced.... The goal to strive for is mental stability while at the same to constantly striving upwards.
Having trouble with setting a consistent learning seder? Try this: EVERY DAY, come heaven or high water, you are going to learn at least 15 minutes of gemara at a specific time [choose a time that is convenient]. Nothing will disturb you besides taking your wife to the hospital to give birth to twins [if it's a single birth ask a shyla before you interrupt the seder. (That was a joke:)].
Are you a pessimistic person? Every day make at least three optimistic statements. To your child or spouse: "What a BEAUTIFUL BLUE SKY!!! It is going to be a GREEEATTTT day". To your single friend: "Ohhhh, Chaviva!! You will see! In no time you will be happily married living in a LOVELY beachfront apartment in Netanya! Your husband will be the Chabad shaliach putting tefillin on all the male beach goers - and you will give the women Shabbos candles".
Do you habitually arrive late at davening? One day a week come fifteen minutes early [and bring a sefer to keep yourself busy].
HATZLACHA BELOVED FRIENDS:):)!!
