Peace In The Middle East

How does one create true shalom and understanding between a couple? The answer is partly by creating a shared language. Only when people speak the same language is effective communication possible.

Example: I say to my wife "Let's do something FUN today". My wife [if she would not know me] might think "Oh, Ally wants to go to a museum or to have a picnic." After knowing me for 19 years she knows EXACTLY what I mean. I mean that we should stay home and I will sit up in my study and "kenock in lernen" [learn really well] and she will be downstairs doing whatever she pleases [hey - each man and HIS fun:)]. That is what a shared language creates - understanding.

Another example: Man comes home from shul and says - "Shul was great today". Depending on what type of guy her husband is it can mean that the kiddush was sumptuous, the rabbi didn't speak, the rabbi gave a long powerful drasha, the baal tefilla for mussaf was inspiring or he sat next to his friend Jeff who filled him in on the results of all the Friday night ball games. A wife who understands her husband will know more or less what he meant.

Language reveals a way of perceiving the world.

In this country there are three basic groups [with 10 billion sub-groups]. Charedi, Dati-leumi [Religious Zionist] and chiloni [secular]. There is much animosity between many members of all three groups because each perceives that the other groups are somehow off the mark and a blemish on a properly functioning society.

I will tell you what I think the problem is. Each group [and often sub-group] has their own language that outsiders can't understand. I have spent many years learning with and living with both Charedim and Dati-Leumi and in my humble opinion they are worlds apart in their use of language and thus in their outlook and perception of life, values and even Avodas Hashem. Often, when I hear members of each group talking about members of the other group I see clearly how polarized they are. Even if there is no hostility or enmity being expressed there is [to me] clearly a completely different Weltanschauung [fancy German word meaning Hashkafa] involved.

I am priviliged to be close to a Chassidishe Rebbe and have spent countless hours with the Chassidim at various events. I can tell you that outsiders cannot understand where they are coming from and how they view the world. I am not a Breslover and I can tell you that I haven't the foggiest where they are coming from. Even if it would be explained to me I STILL wouldn't understand because it is a FEELING in the HEART, a way of being, more than it is an intellectual exercise.

A ben-torah whose life is guided by the writings of the Maharal and Rav Kook will speak a completely different language than a bochur learning in the Mir. A student of Rav Soloveitchik will have a completely different language than a student of Rav Soloveitchik's cousins here in Israel.

The Chilonim want the Charedim to enlist in the army en masse. It will never happen. Put aside any halachic issues involved [tzniyus, kashrus, learning, davening, keeping shabbos according to one's personal standards as opposed to that of the Army's Rabbinate etc. etc.]. There is a more basic issue involved. Charedim have there own set of values, of beliefs, their own private, shared language.

They want to have NOTHING to do with the Chilonim and their values and language. It is a different, foreign world that the Charedim find offensive. So why would they enlist and put themselves under the auspices of the secular establishment? They never will.

That is my analysis.

My own personal preference is to try to bridge between the Charedi and Dati-Leumi worlds. But that is no way to bring up children so I have chosen to bring them up completely Charedi - with all of the inadequacies of their system. It is the best I have found. Many very fine people [much greater than myself] believe otherwise:).