I read that a clip went online from Baruch Levine called "ואת עלית" that generated hundreds of angry comments. What are people so MAD about?? R' Baruch seems to be a congenial fellow. No malicious intent. As we used to say in the playground "No harm - no foul". [Actually, where I played it was "no homicide, no foul"]. He means well and did no harm.
I didn't read the comments but I saw the clip. I read that the angry and often cynical commenters were fuming and fulminating [w/o actually necessarily knowing what that word means...] that this video was about honoring the wives of kollel men but there were not actually any women that we clearly see in the video. People were mad about that. Also, people were mad that it makes it seem that they are more like housekeepers and nannies. 😳😳
So this is my take [I stress that b/c I make no claim on being the sole bearer of Torah Mi-Sinai] and hopefully we can learn a little about the Torah perspective in "gender studies" [a popular university subject these days].....
I TOTALLY understand that people are upset that this video honors women and no image of a women is actually seen. Erasing women!!! OFFENSIVE!!! I get it.
As for the second complaint I also understand. In our culture being a full
time mommy is looked down upon. Such women are second class. A TRULY
successful woman has a full time job and ideally makes BIG BUCKS. She is
featured in Mishpacha or Ami [or both!!] as a modern Jewish heroine. So
to portray women as mere mommies, caregivers to their children and
housekeepers while the men [in the video] are almost never home but in
the Beis Medrash, is simply DEMEANING to the fairer sex. I GET it. We
are products of our culture and this is definitely counter-culture.
Here is the OTHER side of the story b/c EVERY story has two sides and every hashkafic issue has multiple perspectives. The Torah is nuanced so we should be nuanced.
First complaint: Most Kollel wives actually PREFER not being seen on a video viewed by thousands including a large number of men. צניעות means not being seen for no reason. Frum women would ONLY daven in a shul where the men can't see them [at least to a certain extent]. That doesn't offend them. They wouldn't have it any other way. When I go to shul and the curtain separating the men from women is a bit ajar, it is the WOMEN who fix it to make sure that they are completely hidden from sight. This is not b/c they are brainwashed but b/c it is clear from Chazal that it is preferable that men not see women. Avraham is praised for not noticing for YEARS how beautiful his wife is. See here for some sources on the value of Tzniyus. There are numerous poskim who pasken that a man may not look at a women [!!!!]. Now - almost nobody follows this psak but ALL poskim hold that it is not ideal. A man gets pleasure looking at an attractive woman. Period. Even if he is not thinking about sex - there is still something sexual involved. Men are men and that is how we are created. Men can appreciate an attractive male but it doesn't arouse any יצרים in them, unlike viewing an attractive woman. If a man claims that looking at women never does anything for him then he is either - homosexual or lying or is on the level of Dovid Hamelech who Chazal say completely subdued his Yetzer Hara [after the story with Bas Sheva]. Any male who strives to live bi-kdusha tries to avoid looking at women unless necessary. Just b/c the world doesn't value that and even derides it doesn't make it any less of a Jewish value. The poskim insist not only on a mechitza but forbid coed schools [barring extenuating circumstances] and in general encourage as much separation between the sexes as possible. This doesn't mean to be crazy about it. But watching clips with women featured is definitely, if not forbidden, an encroachment on the Torah ideal. If someone argues with this then he must bring sources [and not just emotional venting which is usually the response] - b/c there are thousands of sources the other way.... Here is a good question for men to ponder - have you ever seen or interacted with an attractive women and have not been able to get her out of your mind for a significant amount of time?? If the answer is yes [and I assume that it is] then you have just proven that you are a normal, healthy male. So the question is not what society says but what HASHEM YISBORACH SHEMO says in His Book [and as understood by his faithful interpreters].
Rav Kook [and many other Tzadikim] never looked at women [barring extenuating circumstances]. They weren't anti-women. Just pro-KEDUSHA.
As for the second complaint it is important to remember that most Kollel wives are PROUD to be caregivers. They love their families and see their live's mission as raising their families and enabling their husbands to learn. If they work, it is usually more for lack of funds than for any careeristic aspirations. Women have a motherly instinct that is stronger than their "career instinct." Even people like Rebbetzin Sheryl Sandburg-Facebook [I had to hyphenate her name as most respectable feminists do] admit to feeling an irresistible urge to be with her children and feels guilty for working so much. She says it and I know b/c I read her book [at a time that was neither day nor night 😉😉 - Menachos 99]. The Gemara tells us that the word ביתו in the Torah refers to a wife. A women is much more connected to home than a man.
The women don't WANT their husbands to be home too much and actually PREFER that their husbands be in the Beis Medrash - as portrayed in the video. This is b/c it turns out that the GREATEST, TOP mitzva in the Torah is ........ [drum roll] to learn Torah. A man is obligated to learn and women who assist them are equal partners. It is not about men vs. women חס ושלום but about AVODAS HASHEM!!! Men serve Hashem by learning Ktzos Hachoshen and women serve Hashem [primarily] by raising children [See Brachos 17]. If the men are not great Talmidei Chachomim the Jewish people will continue and survive. W/o women raising the children - the Jewish people are חס ושלום DONE. This is an INCREDIBLY important task. We don't belittle it in any way. PLEASE check this one out for a perspective on the importance of women in Jewish life. No Torah oriented mommies and Klal Yisrael is toast.
Hopefully this was a cogent, level headed presentation of an alternative opinion to the prevailing view in many of our communities. 😘😀
