Recently I received an email from a young man who started working and was invited by his boss to go out drinking. This is a common problem in the business world. The drinking is not really for social purposes as much as it is part of the business. It creates a camaraderie among co-workers and brings people together. How do Chazal put it? גדולה לגימה שמקרבת את הלבבות - Great is a drink that brings hearts together. This ben-Torah wanted to know my thoughts. Since this is so widespread in America and here I have never had to deal with it, I suggested he speak to his Rebbi in YU.
This is the reply I received [reprinted with permission of course]:
Shalom Harav,
I recently spoke to Rav ---- regarding drinking with co-workers. As the Rav requested, I will let you know what he told me. Rav ----- words were "I would avoid it like the plague." So he was quite clear that it was a very bad idea to even go to the bar and have a coke. He said that in general, the best way to deal with it when receiving an offer to go drinking is simply to say, "I don't do that." There is no way they can argue against this taanah. He said often Jews waffle and say things to get out of it like, "today I will pass" or "I am not feeling like it" and then they will try to convince him to come along and say "it's just a couple of beers" or something like that. In this politically correct world, if you make yourself clear and say "I don't do that", they won't bother you (and perhaps they may even respect you). He finished by telling me a very scary story he heard from Rav ---- Shlit"a:
There was a frum Jew who worked as a lawyer at a law firm who was avoiding all these types of events for 10 years. He was a serious guy who gave shiurim. One day, after 10 years at this law firm, they asked him to come drinking as a going away party for some long time employee. He felt an obligation to go since it would send a bad message if he did not go to this going away party for this employee. So he went... I am not exactly sure what happened at this party, but things got out of hand. Rav ---- said, "I kid you not, his marriage was on the rocks." I only realized after the conversation that Rav ---- made an unintended pun "on the rocks." But, this story demonstrates how dangerous it can get.
All the Best,
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