Parshas Vayigash/Asara B'Teves 5759
Rav Podolsky z"l
"And he [Yosef] fell upon the neck of his brother, Binyamin, and he wept, and Binyamin wept upon his neck (Breishis 45:14)." Rashi comments: 'And he [Yosef] wept' -- over the two sanctuaries which were destined to be in the portion of Binyamin, and would ultimately be destroyed. 'And Binyamin cried upon his neck' -- over the sanctuary at Shiloh which was destined to be in Yosef's portion and would ultimately be destroyed."
This commentary leads us to ask, should they not have celebrated at their long-awaited reunion? Is this a time to mourn over destructions yet to come? When a baby is born do people cry at the prospect that some time in the distant future he will die? How morbid can you get? Furthermore, why did each one cry specifically over his brother's destruction? What about their own destruction?
Rav Yechezkel from Kozmir explains (quoted in Yalkut Lekach Tov): When the brothers reunited after a long and forced separation, they realized that their separation was due to Sinas Chinam (baseless hatred). With their keen insight and Divine inspiration, they saw how heinous this sin can be, and that it will ultimately bring about the destruction of our Bais HaMikdash. Thus, they wept.
But how does one rectify this sin? How can we prevent the destruction of the Bais HaMikdash? The only way is through Ahavas Chinam (unconditional love). What is a symptom of such love? When one person is upset about another's pain, when he worries about his friend more than himself, this is true love. Thus Yosef and Binyamin, in an effort to rectify the sin, cried for their brother's destruction. In this manner, they demonstrated that the source of tears is Sinas Chinam, and that the only way to stop them is to weep those tears for your friend's sorrow.
Sinas Chinam destroys. No good results. Even when it seems justified, such as by Yosef and his brothers, nevertheless, its root is baseless. Hatred for hatred's sake.
"Why was the first sanctuary destroyed? Because of three things, idolatry, licentiousness, and murder... But the second sanctuary, during which they were learning Torah and performing mitzvos, why was it destroyed? Because of Sinas Chinam. To teach you that Sinas Chinam is equal in weight to three sins, idolatry, licentiousness, and murder (Yoma 9b)." So I don't like him. What's the big deal? From here we see what a very big deal it is.
"Any generation in which the Bais HaMikdash is not built, is considered to have destroyed it (Yerushalmi, Yoma 1:1)." Having looked out the window of our Bais Medrash, it seems that the Bais HaMikdash has not yet been rebuilt. We've destroyed it! Sinas Chinam has yet to be eradicated. The exile endures; the suffering continues. The global hatred toward the Jewish people is merely a reflection of our behavior toward one another.
How can we eliminate this harmful midda? When somebody slaps our face, or embarrasses us publicly, how do we feel? "How could he have done this to me? What a jerk (or any other adjective you prefer)! I hate him!"
But we should know that what we received is a Divine decree. Hashem decided that someone would hurt us. When Shimi ben Geira cursed Dovid HaMelech in his flight from the rebellious Avshalom, Dovid's attendant Avishai ben Tzruyah, responded as one would expect. "Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? I will go on ahead and take off his head (Shmuel II 16:9)!"
But Dovid, whose faith was much more profound, saw the true source of his troubles. "But the king said, What does it matter to me or to you, O sons of Tzruyah? He is cursing because Hashem has said to him, 'Curse Dovid.' Who can then say, 'Why have you done this' (ibid. v. 10 and Radak)?"
If Hashem is the source, all that the Merciful One does is the ultimate good that can be (Brachos 60b). Inexplicably, my suffering is to my greatest benefit. To hate my benefactor would be anti-logical. Rather, one should develop the habit of saying, Gam Zu L'Tova, this as well is for the good, and accept the suffering with a smile.
On Chanuka we learned that everything that takes place in this universe is miraculous, there is no nature or coincidence (Ramban, end of Parshas Bo). True, this person transgressed a terrible sin by hurting me, for which he will suffer the consequences. Still, why did he embarrass me and not someone else? Why did he slap me and not someone else? It is because Hashem so decided.
Similarly, if I fail my mid-term, there's no reason to hate the examiner. I should realize that this is a Divine decree, and to accept it as such.
We find a prime example of this in our Parsha. Yosef was sold and brought down to Egypt. Whom should he have blamed? Why, his brothers, of course. But Yosef did not do the normal, human thing. "Yosef said to his brothers... I am Yosef, your brother, whom you sold to Egypt. But now, do not be distressed, and do not be angry [with yourselves] for having sold me here, for it was G-d Who sent me ahead of you to provide for you... G-d sent me ahead of you to insure your survival in the land, and to sustain you ... Now, it was not you who sent me here, rather G-d... (Breishis 45:4)."
Not only did Yosef not blame his brothers, on the contrary, he felt a need to convince them not to blame themselves!
Yet another example comes from last week's Parsha. When the brothers came to Egypt to purchase food, the Egyptian viceroy (Yosef) accused them of espionage, and imprisoned them for three days. Afterwards, he kept Shimon in prison, and sent the brothers home with the express intent of bringing back their youngest brother. The natural response would be anger and hatred toward Yosef. "After all, he accused us, the sons of Yaakov, of spying!" A veritable blood libel! They should have rose up against Yosef and avenged their family's honor. But they did not do so.
"They said to one another, Indeed we are guilty concerning our brother, for we saw his heartfelt anguish when he pleaded with us, yet we paid no heed; that is why this anguish has come upon us (Breishis 42:21)." How can we relate to this? What greatness of character! We blame others. (I heard the following in the name of Dr. Abraham J. Twerski shlit"a. If a person is to be stranded on a desert island, he must have four things to survive: food, clothing, shelter, and someone to blame!) Here in Eretz Yisrael one frequently hears: It's all Netanyahu's fault; Arafat's fault; Clinton's fault; Barak's fault... everyone's fault except our own. When did we ever say, "We are at fault. We have sinned, and this is our punishment."
And let us not think that this display of greatness was a one-time deal. When the brothers returned home and stopped at an inn, they opened their knapsacks and discovered that their money had been returned to them. They were intensely afraid. Was this yet another set up?
What did they say? Did they accuse Yosef for attempting to frame them? "It's all his fault! He's trying to ensnare us!" No. They said, "What is this that G-d has done to us (42:28)." Notwithstanding Yosef's intent to trap them, it was none other than a Divine decree. We are at fault. The solution rests in Teshuva, Tefilla and Tzedaka, not in hatred and accusations.
No, the Bais HaMikdash has not been rebuilt. On the contrary, pieces of our land are slowly being taken away and given to the nations. A gradual Churban is at hand, and we feel powerless to prevent the process.
The solution is Ahavas Chinam, unconditional love within the framework of Torah and Halacha. On Asara B'Teves, let us concentrate on feeling our brothers' and sisters' pain. The result will be ultimate peace, ultimate love.
May we know no more hatred; may we know no more suffering.
