Rabbi Eisenman
Laibel
Morgenstern (names and identifying details changed) was a spry
octogenarian.
At 85
years old he still came to Shul every morning.
When
other Mispallelim would query him as to the secret for his
longevity, he would reply, “Very simple; I never had a
mother-in-law!”
Indeed,
Laibel was never married.
Laibel
worked at his father’s fat rendering plant in Newark for many
years.
In 2007 he
retired.
I never
even knew Laibel had a brother; until the day he and his brother came
to my office.
I was to
learn that Laibel and his brother Mordy were more than just two years
apart; they were worlds apart.
Mordy
was high strung, goal oriented, happily married, wealthy, successful
and very community minded with many grandchildren.
Laibel
was ‘laid-back’, never married, lived off his social security
check and was more of a loner than a people-person.
They came
to speak about their first cousin Sylvia Rubin.
Like
Laibel she never married and at 91 years old she was alone in this
world except for Laibel and Mordy.
Sylvia had
been living at an assisted care facility for the last five years;
however, this week her condition deteriorated and she had been
admitted to Hackensack Hospital.
It was up
to the brothers to decide her ‘end of life questions’ and that is
why they came to me.
I watched
the interaction between them.
Mordy was
the ‘take-charge’ type.
The main
issue was who would be with Sylvia during her final days.
Mordy, who
at 87 was still very much involved in his business and family
affairs, was adamant that he would hire a full time aid to be with
Sylvia; however, he himself had neither the time nor the inclination
to personally ever come ‘out to Jersey’ to visit her.
Laibel
cleared his throat and stated, “Yes, we should get her full time
help; however, I will also stay at her bedside so she will not be
alone!”
Mordy was
somewhat dismissive of his younger brothers’ offer and remarked,
“There is no need for that, as I will cover the cost of the aid.”
It was
clear that Mordy was not used to be questioned by anyone, and
certainly not by his ‘useless’ younger brother.
“Mordy,
I just don’t think it’s right not to have a family member with
her”.
“Stop
being silly”, Mordy thundered; “Just go back to your apartment in
Passaic and I will take care of everything.”
Laibel was
not to be deterred, “No, I will not let her be alone when she needs
me.”
For the
next three weeks Laibel ‘lived’ at his cousin’s bedside.
He was
there when she needed a drink of water and he was there when she
needed the nurse.
He was
there when she began to lose her lucidity and he was there to say
Shema Yisroel with her when she breathed her last breath.
The day
she died Mordy arrived at the hospital and saw firsthand how devoted
Laibel was to Sylvia.
“Laibel,
I don’t understand you; why have you sacrificed so much to be here.
I don’t think you and Sylvia have spoken more than a few words over
the last five years. What gives? Why suddenly did you become so
dedicated and devoted?”
Laibel
looked at his brother and said calmly yet, firmly. “Mordy, when we
were little and Mom and Dad would have Sylvia baby sit for us, you
would tease me until I ran into my bed crying. Do you know who would
come to my room and sit with me until I calmed down and fell asleep?
It was our cousin Sylvia!
She was
there for me when I needed her and now 80 years later I knew I had to
be there for her when she needed me.”
