I have a friend with a daughter in shidduchim. She is 22 which in the Charedi world is not young. She is a tremendous girl - a heart of gold, constantly doing chesed, friendly, personable, accomplished, bright [so she seems although I never tested her..], exceptionally pretty, very frum etc. etc. Her father wants the best possible boy for her.
He found an outstanding boy. The father of the boy told him that if he wants his son then he will have to buy him an apartment in Yerushalayim [!!!]. This [the father of the girl] is a man with no money. He learns and his wife doesn't work and he is not being supported by parents on either side. As it is he is paying off an apartment [in Yerushalayim!!!] for another daughter. The father of the boy explained that he wants his son to have an apartment in Yerushalayim and since he can't afford one - he needs one from any girl his son marries.
My friend offered a significant amount of money [that he doesn't have!!! "השם יעזור" is how explained his method of obtaining the money] as a down payment but it wasn't enough. So no shidduch.
I don't WANT to be judgemental - but I will be anyway...
I don't think that the father of this boy is a רשע but I DO think that demanding an apartment from someone who will have to kill himself to buy one is רשעות.
I wish this was a lone case but sadly there are many, many other similar scenarios. It is about taking advantage of someone's distress [the intense need to see one's daughter married] in order to get something for himself [or his child - same thing]. I can't help but think that this is not what Hashem wants and is a ביטול מצות עשה of ואהבת לרעך כמוך.
I will not share the story of my experience getting my daughter married but pretty it wasn't. וד"ל.
Before I got married I had one "demand" - A girl. I was absolutely NOT going to get married without a girl. And basically - that is all I got. It literally didn't even occur to me to ask for anything else. [Truth be told - now I think sometimes that maybe I should have asked for *something* material. It would have made my life easier. But knowing myself - I wouldn't have had the gumption or the guts. In retrospect however, when I think clearly, I am delighted with the deal I got. שונא מתנות יחיה].
Mussar Haskel: Never take advantage of another human being - even for seemingly noble purposes. It sounds simple and self-evident but it happens every day in the Torah world - which is generally the greatest and holiest community on earth.
Hands down.
