Investment Advice

I am not a businessman. Meaning that I don't work in business nor do I have natural business prowess. This doesn't bother me in the slightest because that is not who I am so why should I care to be someone that I am not. It DOES make me suspect that I may be adopted because my family is filled with shrewd businessmen. However, my mother assures me that I am not adopted so it must mean that I am a mutation.

In any event, I CAN appreciate a good investment when I hear about one. I was recently talking to a friend who is starting a business but needs HEAVY CAPITAL to get off the ground. The problem is that he needs to promise his investors a ONE HUNDRED PERCENT PROFIT on their investment. That means [and this is without an MBA from Columbia] that for every dollar they invest, they want to see a hundred dollars. So if they invest one million dollars, they want to see 100 million dollars in return. Sounds good.

So sweetest friends I am going to share an idea , FREE OF CHARGE, about an investment that will ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEE YOU MORE than one hundred times return on your investment.

Ready?

Hold on......

Next time someone comes to your front door and is collecting for a yeshiva or kollel or to marry off a poor girl and you write a generous check, I GUARANTEE you more than 100 times back on your check.

No sweet friends - I can't say it will come back in hard cash but it will come back in other ways. Maybe good shidduchim for you [if you are not married yet] and your children. Maybe good health for you and your family. Maybe nachas from children. The possibilities are endless but it is GUARANTEED by Hashem himself. If it doesn't come in this world then it is all being saved for ETERNITY. A few bucks and you get eternal bliss. WHAT AN INVESTMENT. ZERO RISK!!!

Also, how would you feel if you could play guitar like Eric Clapton or basketball like LeBron James? Cool, ahhh? Well when you give tzedaka you get to be like [please hold on tight. I don't want anybody breaking any bones when falling off the seat]............

G-D!!!!

Believe me, it is worth it.

The problem is that most people don't really believe it. That is why a shrewd businessman who can convince investors of the success of his venture is going to have a much easier time raising money than the Israeli visitor at your front door on a Sunday morning.

But we know the truth. We know about investments that really last:-).