What Is More Attractive?

The recent post on knees, skirts and the disturbing gap between them, was actually the most widely read post EVER on Mevakesh. Like, gee whiz, so flattering:-).

Since it resonated with so many people, I will continue the thought. One of the major differences between the genders is the emphasis on beauty. Women [generally] spend a great deal of time and effort on shopping for clothing, their hair, makeup, jewelery etc. etc. Some women care more, some care less but the common denominator is that they all care. The gemara says that it is a problem for women to go out into the public domain with their jewelery on Shabbos because we are afraid that they will take it off in order to show it to their friends and accidentally walk four amos while carrying [see the sixth perek of maseches shabbos]. Meaning, from Rebbetzin Kniyevsky down to every high school age girl, the nature of a woman is to enjoy and want to show off her jewelery. The halacha is that before Yom Tov a man must buy his wife a beautiful new outfit in order that she enjoy the holiday to the fullest. What about a new sefer with divrei torah on the holiday? That's also nice but make sure she has a new outfit first.

Men ALSO care but to a much lesser degree. A woman wants to wear a special, pretty outfit for Shabbos. Me? To prepare for Shabbos I take the pen out of my shirt pocket and I'm ready. Hair? I go to the barber and say "mispar shtaim", meaning don't bother with the styling part. Just set the electric shaver at 2 and give me a buzz so I don't have to see you again for a while. And make it quick. Married women are very concerned with how their sheitels look. In one community I heard that on the night when the women have their sheitels done, the men all go to the beis medrash to say tehillim that it all goes well, otherwise, it will be pleasant for nobody. Notice how ALL Charedi men wear the SAME THING AS EVERYONE ELSE EVERY DAY and it doesn't bother them in the slightest. Try telling all Jewish women that every day they all must wear the same exact plain black and white outfit. I can see such a notion ruffling some feathers.

What am I trying to say? Women are more aesthetically sensitive than men. Take a house, for example. Who cares more how the house looks? Of course the woman. Who is the neater and cleaner one? Usually the woman. I have been to many male dormitories and frankly, they often stink to high heaven:-). I am guessing that women's dorms are somewhat neater and cleaner.

Is this good or bad? It is PERFECT! That is what Hashem wants. One reason is that if women would  care as little about their appearance as men do then men would be much less attracted to them. We WANT men to be attracted to women because we desire the propagation of the species. Somehow, a man cares not so much about his own appearance but very much about a woman's appearance. A woman harmoniously coordinates with this and cares about her own appearance a lot more than about a man's appearance. That is why women are often attracted to men with little or no hair but most men find a woman with little or no hair to be extremely unattractive. So women cultivate their beauty and men are attracted to them. Men possess other qualities that attract women. Looks may be important but no less than personality and ability to support and good character etc. The happy result is the seven billion people who inhabit our planet. לא לתהו בראה לשבת יצרה - Hashem, says Yishayahu Hanavi, created the world in order to be populated and not desolate.

Again, I generalize. Men are also attracted to women because of their personalities and women can be quite superficial in being attracted to a man because of his physical features but I believe that there is quite a bit of truth to what I am saying to the point of being axiomatic.

Here is the upshot. In the secular world, a man is more attracted to a woman when she reveals her body. That is much of the motivation women have for dressing in revealing clothing. They feel attractive when men gaze at them [and gaze they do]. In the religious world many men are attracted to women for precisely the opposite reason - namely that they cover up. So when they see a girl wearing a long skirt and stockings they are much more interested than they would be in a girl with a short skirt which they view as cheap and hence unattractive. If women would know this they might have an incentive to dress more modestly.

Ultimately the reason we dress modestly is because Hashem told us to but it helps to know the benefits we have for ourselves. Moshiach will only redeem us because of the middah of tzniyus. Rus was acting modestly which piqued the curiosity of Boaz. "Who is that modest women?" he wondered. From that positive impression came their union and the birth of a child from whom Dovid Hamelech descended. The culmination will be the redemption of the entire world by the descendent of Dovid - Moshiach Tzidkeinu!!:-).

Is that SOMETHING??