לזכות שמחה בן נעכא גיטל
ולרפואת הרב אברהם יוסף בן ר' משה חיים
שרה לאה בת רבקה
אסתר רות בת נעמי שרה
There is an article circulating widely around the Internet written by a Modern Orthodox father of 4 who complained that the cost of living a fully religious life is just too much. So he yanked his kids out of yeshiva, left his MO shul etc. And now he is happy. He has money again!!:-)
From the tone of the article it is clear that he is angry - and I understand his anger because [I would conjecture - I haven't spoken with him so I don't know for sure] under the anger [and cynicism] he is feeling hurt and guilty. He wants to do what is right but there are just too many demands on his money and he felt the pressure. So he had to make a decision - either financial stability or a full "Orthodox" lifestyle including a Jewish education for his children and he decided on the former. Deep inside - I can't imagine that he feels good about that decision.
But I understand and empathize with him. My own experience [and that of many many like me] is that no matter how much I work, it never comes even close to covering expenses. All of the years I was teaching, I literally wasn't making enough to put food on the table. Food. Not that we starved. Every month, somehow, some way, Hashem took care of us. Everyone in my predicament either has parents who help [big secret - no matter how rich, they usually would rather not help their adult children and often do so very parsimoniously and thriftily], in-laws [ditto], the wife works [which is really too much for her because she often has a large family which is a full time job in and of itself] or the person has to beg. He works but has to beg in order to put food on the table. Pathetic but that is the reality. But people aren't always so generous so he goes from gmach to gmach to borrow money he has no idea how he will repay. The employers of rabbeim often couldn't care less whether or not they have enough money for their basic expenses. If he doesn't like it, he can leave and there are another thousand people who would happily take the spot because earning 40 percent of your expenses is better than nothing. It lessens the debt. Is anybody doing anything about it? No. I write about it but it is like a cry in the forest with no response. All I hear is the sound of the computer keys being pressed [and Rabbi Simon's Chumash shiur in the background:-)]. I take issue with the implication of the article that rabbis are rich people. Most are actually poor. Even if a rabbi is pulling in six figures [rarely the case], it still isn't so much, because after one is done with yeshiva tuition, camp, food, insurance, clothing, simchas, etc. etc. etc. there is very little if anything left. Any rabbi who has a fortune of money didn't make it because of his salary. And also, why should the lawyers and finance people in his community be making six [and often seven] figures and he should be paid peanuts. To be a rabbi of a community is a 24/7 job with countless pressures, disappointments, stress, critisicms and all too often the tremendous angst of people who want to learn and grow in their avodas Hashem but instead have to deal with a myriad of major and minor issues and pettiness that come up in every shul. There are countless rabbis who dropped out because of burn-out and many others would like too. So cut the rabbis some slack.
It is not only rabbeim who [very often] are struggling. In the US, anybody who makes a nice salary of 80k a year has ZERO chance to support his wife and six children. Tuition alone is over a 100k. It is heartbreaking.
I understand this person's pain. Now, he says that he is so much happier because he can put away money for retirement and be relaxed:-)!!
Ahhhhh.
But it is not so simple. This person [and many many many like him] are working on unstated assumptions and belief system. Namely, that financial stability is more important than Torah study and other religious values. When the two clash - Torah has to go. How many years are boys and girls sent to study Torah after high school? One, maybe two, very rarely [after a war] three. If the kid doesn't want to go to Israel to learn - his parents won't cut him off. But EVERYBODY, EVERY MO kid, is sent to college. There is no question that college is faaaaar more important in many parents minds than yeshiva. Because college is a ticket to financial security [or so people hope] while yeshiva is about some abstract, vague idea of the world to come which may or may not exist [so they think]. No contest.
Let us learn a Medrash [Shir Hashirim 8/7].
"מים רבים לא יוכלו לכבות את האהבה וכו' ר' יוחנן הוה מטייל וסליק מטבריה לציפורין והוה רבי חייא בר אבא סמך ליה מטון חד בית חקלא א"ר יוחנן הדין בית חקלא הות דידי וזבינתיה בגין מלעי באוריתא מטון חד בית כרם וא"ר יוחנן הדין בית כרם דידי הוה וזבינתיה בגין מלעי באוריתא מטון חד בית זיתא ואמר כמו כן שרי ר' חייא בר אבא בכי א"ל מה את בכי א"ל בכי אנא דלא שבקת לסיבותיך כלום א"ל חייא בני ונקלה זו בעיניך מה שעשיתי שמכרתי דבר שניתן לששה ימים שנא' (שמות כ') כי ששת ימים עשה ה' אבל התורה ניתנה לארבעים יום שנא' (שם ל"ד) ויהי שם עם ה' ארבעים יום וכתיב (דברים ט') ואשב בהר ארבעים יום כד דמך רבי יוחנן היה דורו קורא עליו אם יתן איש את כל הון ביתו באהבה שאהב ר' יוחנן את התורה בוז יבוזו לו כד דמך רבי אושעיא איש טרייה ראו מטתו פורחת באויר היה דורו קורין עליו אם יתן איש את כל הון ביתו באהבה שאהב הקב"ה לר' אושעיא איש טרייה בוז יבוזו לו":
Basically, Rav Yochanan pointed out to R' Chiya his many fields that he sold in order to learn Torah. Rav Chiya cried and asked "What are you going to do for retirement?" [exactly what the anonymous article writer is worried about]. Rav Yochanan wasn't bothered. He explained that it is worth it because he sold some things made in six days [i.e. this world] for something given in 40 days [i.e. the Torah]. When he died, his generation paraphrased the pasuk in Shir Hashirim "If man would give all of the wealth of his house for the love that that Rav Yochanan loved the Torah - he would be scorned". Meaning - no amount of money can equal the importance of Torah. For Torah we have to sacrifice - and bi-simcha, for we thereby fulfill our purpose in this world and Hashem's purpose in creating the world. [Hopefully, bli neder, we will be able to go further into the Medrash and explain it more in depth elsewhere, but the point is understood].
We have to clarify for ourselves what our core values are and how much they are worth to us. If, for example, the only way we could save all of our money is to violate shabbos - would we violate shabbos in order to save our money? The halacha says that one must lose EVERYTHING in order not to violate shabbos but I know many people who keep shabbos - but only up to a point. There are times when people feel a need to be מחלל שבת - even when not in a life threatening situation.
If a woman would not sleep with a man if paid a hundred or a thousand dollars but would do it for 100 thousand or a million dollars, then she is [potentially] a prostitute. It means that the value of money is more important to her than her value of sexual purity [and self respect]. If a person says that financial stability is more important than Torah - that is a huuuuge statement. I know of people who risked being sent to Siberia to learn Torah and keep mitzvos. They were often caught, sentenced to 20 years of hard labor - and when they were there they still did everything they could to keep mitzvos. And when they were released - they went right back to their gemara, once again at the risk of being sent back to gulag. I don't know if I am on that level but I strive to be and so should we all.
Sweetest friends!!! I am sure that many people know the author of this article. His kids should be allowed into yeshiva at a reduced rate. All Jewish children should be given a Torah education. There is enough money in our communities to ensure that every frum Jew will have enough money for food, shelter other basics including a Jewish education. But life is a struggle. NOBODY HAS IT EASY!!! But let us try to ease the burden of others and make sure that we have clarified our value system. As Oscar Wilde famously said, a cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. Let us not turn into cynics, G-d forbid.
