Today I had an experience [which I can't share the details of] which reminded me once again of one of the greatest lessons of life that one can learn.
I did something for someone with the express purpose of giving him kavod and making him feel good. He later called me over and said "I have to tell you, you really hurt my feelings. I am insulted."
He quoted the Ramban [on the pasuk הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך ולא תשא עליו חטא] who says that when someone insults you then you must tell them and added that if you don't, it festers and gets blown up out of proportion. So he is telling me.
Of course I profusely apologized. But to be honest, I would never have guessed in a million years that someone could be so offended by a gesture that was solely intended to have the opposite effect.
So remember the rule for life: People generally don't really care how smart you are, what you have accomplished, your opinion on various matters, what is bothering you, what you are lacking etc. Only you care about those things and maybe your mother does, too. But that's about it. I can be 100 thousand dollars in debt [ח"ו], my landlord is kicking me out onto the street [ח"ו], have six root canals and heart surgery awaiting me [ח"ו] and those are the least of what I could be dealing with. And it will bother most people more than all of my problems put together that I didn't invite them to a simcha they assumed they would be invited to or I ignored their phone calls or other slights. A girl can be the richest, most beautiful, most popular and smartest girl in her grade but if a boy she likes dumps her terminates their relationship, she will be crushed.
What people really care about is how you make them feel. Do you make them feel loved, appreciated, valued, indispensable and unique? That is what people want. It is an ART to learn how to constantly make people feel good. It is a worthwhile endeavor to master this art.
I must say that I am not sure who feels worse now - this person for the insult to his honor or me for being the perpetrator [albeit unwitting]. The gift of time is that we will both get over it.
