There is a universal Jewish custom that the chosson breaks a glass under the chuppah at the conclusion of the marriage ceremony. The conventional reason is that this is zecher l’churban – a commemoration of the Temple’s destruction. We say, “If I forget thee Jerusalem, let my right hand forget its skill. Let my tongue adhere to my palate if I fail to recall you, if I fail to elevate Jerusalem above my foremost joy.” [Tehillim 137:5-6] Anytime we celebrate a simcha, we must remember the churban haBayis, and therefore no simcha is complete while the Bais HaMikdash and Yerushalayim remain desolate. Therefore, the chosson breaks the glass, “zecher l’churban.”
One of the Geonim (I believe it is Rav Hai Gaon or Rav Sadiah Gaon) gives a different reason for breaking a glass under the chuppah: It is to remind us that Moshe Rabbeinu broke the luchos [tablets].
At first glance, this does not seem to make any sense. Why is it that a chosson or kallah under their chuppah need to remember that Moshe broke the luchos? What message is contained in that historical event that must be commemorated at every Jewish wedding? I believe it is because the breaking of the luchos, and more specifically, the strength it took for Moshe to take that action, represents one of the great keys for success in any marriage.
At the end of the Torah, when the Almighty records the epitaph of Moshe Rabbeinu, He writes, “And by all the strong hand and awesome power that Moshe performed before the eyes of all Israel.” [Devorim 34:12] Here the Almighty is giving Moshe’s eulogy. What were his greatest accomplishments? Rashi elaborates on the points mentioned, one by one:
“And by all the strong hand”: For he received with his hands the Torah engraved on the luchos.
“And for all the awesome power”: The miracles and acts of might which took place in the great, awesome wilderness.
The crowning glory, the last item that the Almighty says about Moshe Rabbeinu is…
“Before the eyes of all Israel.” Rashi interprets: That his heart inspired him to break the luchos before their eyes, as it says, “And I smashed them before your eyes.”
Why was the breaking of the luchos Moshe’s greatest act?
The answer is that it took tremendous strength of character for Moshe to break the luchos. It is the nature of humans that when we invest in something, and put our hearts and souls into something, it becomes so dear to us that we rarely, if ever, want to walk away from that accomplishment. That is the way we are. Once we become invested in an item or a project, we do not want to abandon it. The last thing a person ever wants to do is to admit that he was wrong, and to walk away from something in which he has invested a great deal of time and effort.
This explains why in different eras we have seen generals fighting wars despite the fact that it had already become obvious to everyone around them that the war was a losing endeavor. Yet they persisted in pursuing the battle. Why is that? Why is it that it took so long for the generals to realize that they were not fighting the Vietnam War in the way that it should be fought? Once they became invested in the war and in a particular strategy for victory, it became part of them. It was very difficult to say out loud, “Guess what? I made a mistake. It is time to walk away from this.”
We do not need to look further than last week’s Haftorah (Parshas Zachor) when Shaul HaMelech [King Saul] was instructed, in no uncertain terms, to kill out everyone from Amalek; men, women, and children — including animals. When Shaul came back from the battle, the first words out of his mouth were, “I have fulfilled the Word of G-d.” [Samuel I 15:13]. When Shmuel asked him: “How can you say that? It is not true!” What does the King say again? “…Because I have hearkened to the Voice of Hashem…” [Samuel I 15:20] How can he say that? He was told explicitly what he was supposed to do, and now Shmuel calls him on the carpet for not following instructions, and yet he still claims to have “hearkened to the Voice of Hashem.” The answer is, because he became invested in the project. It became him. It is hard for a person to say, “I am sorry. I made a mistake. You are right and I am wrong.”
Moshe Rabbeinu spent literally forty days and forty nights on the mountain — drinking no water and consuming no food. He exhibited tremendous self-sacrifice to receive the luchos. But when he came down from the mountain and he saw Klal Yisrael dancing around the Golden Calf, he said “Guess what? This is not for them.” He did not rationalize and he did not procrastinate. It was now necessary for these luchos to be broken. It took a tremendous amount of strength of character for Moshe to say “I’m walking away from this.”
One of the most difficult things for a husband to do in a marriage — after having long argued a certain issue with his wife – is to walk away and say “You know, maybe she’s right.”
I deal with young men who get engaged and get married. Invariably, as long as they are going out and are getting engaged, they keep on saying to themselves, “We are literally two peas in a pod; we think the same way about everything. We have no disagreements, etc., etc.” Then, two weeks after the marriage, he wants the window open she wants the window closed, and the list goes on and on as to how differently they view life. These are just the small things…
A marriage requires a person to sometimes say, “Guess what? You know, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe her way of looking at this is in fact the more correct way.” That is very difficult. The prime example of this is Moshe Rabbeinu, who broke the luchos. In spite of the fact that he put his heart and soul into something, he was prepared to reverse course and write off his exertion and his investment.
This is why we break a glass under the chuppah. We break the glass to remind us that Moshe broke the luchos. It is the ultimate reminder that sometimes it is necessary to step back from deep investment in a certain project or position, and say, “Guess what? I am not right.” In the case of marriage, this represents having the strength of character to say, “Maybe I am wrong, and she is right.”
[Rabbi Frand]
