Regarding the previous post: I just want to share that I am one of the biggest failures and/or losers that I have ever met. [I have had Chasidishe friends named "Loozer". How would you like EVERYBODY to call you "Loozer". A downer!!] I cannot tell you how many things have gone wrong and how many times I have been rejected. Maybe one day I will write an autobiography and detail my failures. Many or even most of my childhood friends are at the top of their chosen professions by now while I am one of the lowest "ranking" avreichim in Eretz Yisrael in terms of Torah knowledge, with no teaching job for years, have been fired twice [one time they didn't even have enough respect to tell me directly - they just ignored me and hoped I would go away], my highest teaching salary ever was about 18 thousand dollars a year [less than health insurance for one person in the US. But it was usually closer to 10 thousand - the 18 was a bumper crop. How did I marry off my daughter with an apartment???], am looked down upon by many as being a clown [maybe 'cause I am?], have been dumped by more chavrusas than I care to remember [I was dumped by very few girls but that was only because they weren't interested in the first place...] and the list goes on and on.
The good news for me is that it doesn't reflect upon my self esteem. As I have mentioned in the past - about 65 percent of people think that they are in the upper 50 percent of people in the realm of intelligence. I am one of those 65 percent. In general, men tend to have more confidence in their ability than they actually have ability and I am very much a man in that sense. I am totally cool with myself B"H. Establishing self esteem based on the esteem of others is a dangerous endeavor. So HOODDDOOOO LASHEM KI TOV!!! NO COMPLAINTS!!!! I am just fortunate to have learned that happiness comes from what is inside of your soul and heart and not based on what people think of you. I can write humorously about my failures because I am not terribly worried what people are going to think. Between us - how much do you think about me on a daily basis? Case closed.
I once read an autobiography written by a well known, charismatic rabbi. It was pathetic. Great interesting stories but ONLY successes. Everything works out for this man. Like - he NEVER failed. REALLY? היתכן? Or was it just that he isn't comfortable sharing that side of him?
In contrast, Sheryl Sandburg COO of Facebook, in her book "Option B", is REFRESHINGLY open about her very deep insecurities and neuroses. Imagine, arguably the most successful woman in the planet [even though if you ask me a Jew who is not zocheh to keep Torah and mitzvos is anything but successful but rather a source of pity] freely shares her deeper fears and weaknesses. THAT is much healthier. BE REAL!! I guess with over a billion dollars and tremendous power - she doesn't feel the need to try to impress people. We can be that way without the billion. What would you do with a billion dollars anyway??!! [I know my tzadikim - you are all thinking "give tzdaka"!].
My advice is - look inside, appreciate the talents and abilities Hashem gave you and pay little or no attention to the impression others have of you. You just need to impress ONE GIRL [or guy] enough to marry you and THAT'S IT [and maybe a boss to get a job]! Then you can focus on "impressing" Hashem by always trying to do the right thing.
Nobody is getting up in the morning and thinking how that can make you feel more valued. People are far to focused on themselves and their many responsibilities. The only way to combat this is to get up in the morning and take upon yourself to make OTHERS feel valued.
'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'
I have had many experiences in my life when I wanted to impress people but found that they weren't. BUM-MER. Then I realized that it is not necessarily because I am not impressive but because people are too busy thinking about themselves and their own needs and really couldn't care less how impressive I am. The only one with MY ego is .... me. The only other person who genuinely cares about and takes tremendous pride in my [few] accomplishments is my mother. So yes, I was the star pitcher for the MDS Sunday Softball "Green Team". WOW!!
Besides my mother, I haven't found anyone else who is terribly interested in my accomplishments or lack thereof.
So sweet friends - turn inwards, be deep people, focus on your soul and relationship with Hashem, make others feel important and you will have lived a full meaningful life!
The result? [Almost] TOMID BI-SIMCHA.
