In a complex world of international intrigue and shadowy conspiracies, who is to say what is right or wrong anymore? Are you a good guy, or a bad guy? WHO KNOWS!
That's why we reached out to a morality expert to help us understand evil.
Are you a bad guy? Keep an eye out for these warning signs:
1.Paragliders seem like a great tool for murdering: They're supposed to be for recreation, silly!
2. Your biggest supporters are Ayatollah Khamenei, Mia Khalifa and Rashida Tlaib: Yikes.
3. You look at almost anything and say to yourself, "I wonder if I can turn that into a rocket and kill someone with it.": And now everyone's thirsty because you used all the water pipes to make rockets. Not cool, man.
4. Biden just gave you $6 billion: Never a good sign.
5. You defend yourself by reminding everyone you didn't behead all the babies you killed: Just some of them, you guys. Lay off!
6. Your bulletproof vest has a child on the front of it: A subtle but troubling indicator that you might be the bad guy here.
7. You have a heavy machine gun mounted in the bed of your 1994 Toyota pickup truck: Unless you live in Kentucky, this is a red flag.
8. You are exhilarated by the thought of innocent people being killed: You should try being exhilarated by something else, like baseball.
9. Ivy league schools love you: Yep, you're definitely the bad guy.
10. You say things like we "love death more than you love life". Or this one [from Hamas on TV in 2012]: "The price will be high, Sons of Zion. Are you willing to pay the price?
We promise that you will regret your foolish crimes. ...
Oh occupier, we are coming towards you. Leave our land.
All of Palestine is ours. There's nothing here for you but death.
There's nothing here for you but to be killed and to leave. ...
On the mountains, behind the hills and inside the valleys, you will be defeated.
Whether you come by land, by sea or by air, you will be crushed. If your arms reach [us], they will be cut off.
If your eyes look [at us], they will be gouged out.
If [your] defeated army attacks again, it will not return [alive].
We came to you as fear.
If we return it will be worse for you.
In the land that you came to alive, you will end as body parts.
That is Allah's promise."
SOOO DELIGHTFUL!!!
11. You store weapons under hospitals. Not a good place. The enemy might bomb and all of the patients will die!!!
12. When you pay $2,789,430 a month to the families of 1,500 dead terrorists. Incentivizing terrorism is a bad sign.
13. When you have camps for high school kids, which feature masked teenage boys wearing yellow Fatah headbands who taught to handle and assemble Kalashnikov assault rifles, and are trained in close combat and encouraged to kill people not like them. When I went to camp we were taught arts and crafts.
