More Of My Diairies Made Public

From my diaries....

The difference between a son and a son in law [in my community] is that a son you can't choose. Whatever Hashem gave you is what you have to work with. A son in law, however, you can choose [to the extent you are given bechirah]. My daughter would never even meet a boy until I gave her the go ahead and would certainly not marry him. This allows me to be picky:-).

But I can't be too picky.

So what am I looking for? Well, first, I want what she wants. Chasidic, pious, good middos, learned and someone who wants to spend his life either learning, teaching or doing something ruchani. I see that being athletic, enjoying vacations in exotic places, someone who likes soft jazz music, a person who likes museums and broadway shows, didn't make it on her list. Cool.

What do I want? Here is something that is key for me.

A Bar Daas. Voos meint a Bar Daas?? [What is the definition of a Bar Daas?]

A Bar Daas is someone who doesn't do things because EVERYBODY ELSE IS DOING THEM. For example - He isn't addicted to his cell phone  - always holding it lest he receive or want to make a call because he is not a doctor on call but a Jew who has a limited time to do as many mitzvos and maasim tovim as he can. Nor does he have loud conversations in public places [like EVERY TIME I GO ON THE BUS] because it disturbs people. When he hears an new idea - he thinks about it and if he is convinced about its validity accepts it and if not he rejects it. He is open to changing his mind and knows that his scope of knowledge and understanding is limited. He is open minded in the sense that anything that will help him grow as a person is of great importance and must be incorporated into his world view ["weltanshauung"]. He has his own way of life but respects others rights to live differently [within reason]. He knows when to be מבטל himself and when to assert himself.

Problem is - I know very very few Barei Daas and to find one who is 20 years old or so is not going to be easy...

But at the very very least I will look for another critical quality which I also find to be all to rare - a genuine לב טוב. The type of person who stops every time he sees a yid waiting for a hitch. A person who ENJOYS going out of his way for others. A person who you feel genuinely cares about you. A person who is HUNGRY to bestow good upon others both in speech and deed.

Also quite rare.

Know anyone???

Even if you are already married or not for my daughter for other reasons - Are you a Bar Daas? Do you have a לב טוב?

Food for thought as we get closer to the Yemei Hadin....

לזכות כל מחפשי זיווגים ובתוכם גילה שושנה בת נעכא גיטל למציאות זיווג בקרוב!