Preparing For the Big Day

An excerpt from a column by Dave Barry in the Miami Herald:

It's almost Thanksgiving, a time for us to pause in our busy lives and remember, as the Pilgrims did so long ago, that an improperly cooked turkey can kill us.

PREPARING THE TURKEY: Proper turkey preparation is critical. according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed in the entire Peloponnesian War. This is because turkey can contain salmonella, which are tiny bacteria that, if they get in your bloodstream, develop into full-grown salmon, which could come leaping out of your mouth during an important business presentation.

This does NOT mean you can't serve turkey this Thanksgiving! It just means that you, personally, should not eat it.

Step one in preparing the turkey is to let it thaw (allow six to eight years). Step two is to reach your hand inside the slimy, dark chest cavity of the turkey and remove the giblets. Be careful, because you are intruding upon the territory of the deadly North American giblet snake, which can grow, coiled inside an innocent-looking 12-pound turkey, to a length of 55 feet. In one of the most horrifying moments in cooking history, one of these monsters attacked Julia Child during her live 1978 Thanksgiving TV special; it would have strangled her if she had not known exactly where to insert her baster. Few people who have seen this chilling footage have failed to order the videotape from PBS.

Assuming you get the giblets out safely, Step Three is to cook the turkey until it reaches a minimum internal temperature of 7,500 degrees centigrade (check by feeling the turkey's wrist). You're all done! It's time to enjoy a hearty Thanksgiving dinner, just like the one enjoyed by the Pilgrims.  None of whom are alive today.

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/11/19/3104952/dead-or-alive-turkeys-can-fowl.html#moreb#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/11/19/3104952/dead-or-alive-turkeys-can-fowl.html#moreb#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/11/19/3104952/dead-or-alive-turkeys-can-fowl.html#moreb#storylink=cpy