Raising A Teenager

If you are raising a teenager [especially in Israel] you may or may not identify with this article written by R' Yoni Lavie in the Shabbat Bi-Shabbato parsha leaflet Parshas Toldos 5773:

Six hundred and thirteen is not a small number of mitzvot. But when you are a growing adolescent, there are several more that we can list... * * * * * * "Stop Digging Around!" – At one year, he already recited the poem asking for a popular snack, "Imma - Bamba!" At the age of two his parents proudly announced to his grandmother that he was already speaking full sentences. At five, this master of rhetoric recited an endless array of poems and stories. But then, shortly after his bar mitzva, the turning point came. His total vocabulary, which had reached a few thousand words, suddenly decreased drastically. At fifteen, he was limited to no more than three main words: "Beseder, sababa, klum – okay, great, nothing," interspersed with short connective words without any real meaning in the context of his sentences – "k'ilu..." The worried parents made heroic efforts to overcome this "youth Alzheimer's" disease that had attacked their son. But their waves of genuine interest in his activities came up against a steel wall: "Imma, stop digging around!" [אל תחפרי - It means "don't bud in"]. Even though the next Shemitta year is three whole years away, the precious son religiously observes the prohibition of "digging," especially when it comes to his parents. But when he is at his youth movement or on the phone with a friend (boy or girl) his tongue has free reign, and he has a rich vocabulary which knows no bounds.   "Don't Work too Hard" – There can be no doubt that the boy's main interest is his studies - at least, after his youth movement, facebook, basketball, his driver's license, and a few other important matters. He steadfastly rejects any claim that he has not achieved his full potential, and he constantly blames his school for wasting his time with boring and irrelevant subjects. As a member of a very special nation – "believers, the sons of believers" – he has supreme confidence that he is in full control of all of his studies, and that all he need do to prepare for any test is to glance at the material the night before. He never heard the message of the sages, "Whoever made an effort during half-time will be able to partake of the test" (and whoever did not, will be devoured by the test!). Evidently he is saving up his reserves of dedication for study after high school. Meanwhile, he provides the class nerd with an opportunity to observe the mitzva, "All of Yisrael are responsible for each other," and he abides by the mitzva, "Love another person's summaries as your own."   "Sleep Well" – Whoever invented the term "sleeping like a baby" evidently never had an adolescent in the house. It seems that the difference between a two-week old baby and a seventeen-year old youth is not the number of hours they sleep in a day but how often they wake up to eat. If we ever thought that boys sleep a lot because of all their hard work in school, the reports of the teachers show us that they feel very much at home in school too... The normal place for prayer is facing The Wall (of his room). And we will not mention Shabbat morning, when waking him up to go to the synagogue is harder than trying to convince Abu Mazen to volunteer for such public charity organizations as Ezer Mitzion. [Ed. note - Hehe]   "Love Yourself" – When Copernicus revealed to the human race that our earth revolves around the sun and not the other way, he did not have any inkling that five hundred years later there would be young people who felt that they are at the center and that the entire universe revolves around them. Some of the youths have adopted the saying of our sages, "A person must say, the world was created for me," as the central theme of their lives. They move around with the feeling that they are living in a hotel, together with Imma-the maid and Abba-the driver, while all the rest is just the set of a movie where they are the star. If in spite of this they are quietly asked to take on some of the chores of the house, they will in the best case react with a disappointed "Boy!" and put in some meager effort, or in the worst case they will respond with a declaration, "I gave already!"   "Look at your Smartphone When you Lie Down and When you Rise" – Very small it is, perhaps it weighs no more than a hundred and fifty grams, but it leads them to be very devoted to the mitzva, "become attached to it" with complete dedication. Nothing helps, not complaints and not threats of confiscation. The phone is with them and they are with the phone, heart and soul. After all, speaking on the phone is the least significant element of this story. Hold a phone and you have in your hand a mobile entertainment center, including all the pleasures of the internet, television programs, and an unlimited number of games and applications. Is anybody occupied with such matters able to study subjects like geography, civics, mathematics, or Gemarra? Or will they go out to play basketball or hang out with the "guys" and discuss what happened the day before in the youth movement?   "Facebook your way Around, Day and Night" – I recently asked a father, "Do your children surf around in facebook now and then?" His immediate reply was, "No, they live in facebook." Research has shown that 50% of the youth check their facebook account through their Smartphone in the morning before their feet hit the floor. And most of the others will go into facebook sometime during the day. They collect huge mounds of "friends" whom they have never met and never will, and they are always busy updating their status, uploading pictures, and sending "likes" to anybody who passes by.   "Every day shall be Filled with New Things" – For him, "titchadesh," the blessing for acquiring something new, is not a special occasion. He may just as well add it to the early-morning set of blessings. If you don't see him for two weeks, you might not recognize him at all. He grows at an incomprehensible rate. Just yesterday you were changing his diapers, and today he is half a head taller than you. He grows, develops, and changes at a dizzying pace. One day he grows a head of hair worthy of Shimshon, dresses in a shabby way, and acts like a "hilltop" youth. A week later he has a perfect haircut, his long tzitzit swings in the wind, and he moves back and forth during prayers almost like a Chassid from Breslev. You are thoroughly confused. "What will be with him? What does he want of himself?" This is really a tough question. It seems that he doesn't know the answer himself. Or perhaps he has a different answer every day...   End of article.   The good news - From his 20th birthday he will no longer be a teenager. Have patience:-).