HELLLLOOOO SHRIIINK!!

Why is it that MANY MANY people find it necessary to make self-disparaging statements such as "I am a nobody..." "I don't know anything.." etc?

It is not humility. Truly humble people are much too busy doing constructive things and totally not self-absorbed which precludes them from constantly making such statements. The real reason [it seems to me but what do I know..:-)] is that from a very young age we are incessantly told that there is something wrong with us. We are not yet self aware so we don't realize what poison is being injected into our systems and by the time we realize it is too late.

HELLO SHRIIINK!

Observe how many times children are told "don't do that", "don't say that", don't touch that", "why did you do that?" ["Why" is not a question but a rhetorical criticism. Explanations given to "Why" are never accepted]. How many times a day do adults express displeasure with children?! It is limitless and leaves deep emotional scars WE MAY NEVER BECOME AWARE OF but leave us permanently convinced in our heart of hearts that we are "bad" "wrong" "inadequate" etc. etc. To walk around with such feelings is an emotional cancer [which I am CONVINCED causes the physical cancer and many other illnesses].

This also explains why people [particularly those of the female persuasion] constantly apologize for things they didn't do! I often try to convince people [ditto previous brackets] that they have nothing for which to apologize - but to no avail. It is a deep need which people feel somehow makes up for their [imagined] incurable inadequacies.

Any time a child is commanded, criticized or corrected another small wound is embedded on the child's soul. This then mushrooms into something much bigger.

Afterwards people get married and since they have been subject to such unwitting abuse they now heap it upon their spouse and children and perpetuate the cycle.

Should we not educate children and let them do whatever they want? OF COURSE NOT!!!!

CHAS VI'SHALOM THAT WE SHOULD RAISE UNTAMED ANIMALS. So what is the right way?

1] Ratio: For every negative comment TEN [at least] positive, encouraging, loving comments.

2] When voicing critisicm it should be done in a calm way with an effort to show the child he is understood but the rules must be abided by. That is the key - to UNDERSTAND AND IDENTIFY with the child!!

Sweetest friends - I write with a bleeding heart after knowing so many talented, gifted, wonderful neshamos who feel rotten about themselves despite their accomplishments because of the [again, unwitting and unintentional] constant criticism they were subject to as children.

There is a TIKKUN!! There is a theraputic approach called Imago which posits that we marry the person we do in order to make a tikkun for our childhood. When I get into counseling im Yirtzeh Hashem I hope to use it. It is HUGE.

One way to fix things is STOOOP CRITICIZING YOUR SPOUSE!! One month. Just a month. Nothing will happen that is so terrible. Trust me. JUST GIVE LOVE, AFFIRMATION, AND MORE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. HIS/HER SOUL IS STARVING FOR SOME. See what happens.

Would love some feedback [not telling me how wonderful the post was. I already believe that the post was wonderful. Something a little more substantial...]! And please pass on [unless you disagree with me and I am probably wrong because I usually am:-)]!!

LOVE AND BLESSINGS!!