The Missing Reb - Conforming To Societal Expectations

This Shabbos they honored me in shul with an aliya. The truth is that I don't need honor. To be completely frank, I came to America to get talmidim and a hundred thousand dollars for the yeshiva [thus far zero on the first and 98k to go for the second:)]. THAT is what I need. If I seek honor I can stand up for myself when I walk into a room [I always do] and say things to myself like "Reb Elchonon - you rock". I have written in the past about the folly of pursuing honor. I write "folly" but the Baalei Mussar have a different word. More charif. Sharper. It starts with a shin and ends with a reish and has one letter in the middle [not שטר:-)]. So it is really not necessary for me to receive honor and could be quite harmful to my soul. But when you get an aliyah you bless Hashem for the wonderful Torah, for eternal life, for choosing us as His people and on Shabbos you need extra brachos to get to a hundred, so I took the aliya. Plus, it was shishi which according to kabbala is the hooooooliest. Plus, it was my Bar Mitzva parsha so I feel reaaalllly attached to the parsha I repeated 14 million times.

The gabbai asks me my name [another name story....] and I say "Elchanan ben Reb Yitzchak Yonah". Why "Reb"? Because he is my father and I don't feel comfortable saying his name without adding an honorific title first [there is room to be lenient and not do so, but that is beyond the scope of our discussion] so I said "Reb".

The gabbai wasn't "mekabel". He omitted the "Reb" for my father but gave me a HaRav [he probably spoke to Paul the elevator man]. He repeated this pattern when he made a mishebeirach afterwards. I am not sure why. Once somebody received an aliya and he told this gabbai something like "Shlomo ben Asher vi-Chava". The gabbai is like "What?". So he repeats himself "Shlomo ben Asher Vi-Chava". The gabbai made an annoyed face and announced "Yaamod Shlomo ben Asher". Now it was the olehs turn to be annoyed. On this one I sided with the gabbai. We respect his mother and without her he wouldn't get an aliya [because he wouldn't exist and/or be Jewish] but traditionally when we go up to the Torah we use our father's name. Tradition is sacred. That is why I make kiddush and hamotzi for the family and my wife lights candles. This is the way Jews have been doing it for centuries even though in theory she could make kiddush and I could light candles [I actually enjoy playing with fire]. But why the gabbai didn't want to give my father his rightful "Reb" I don't know.

Anyway - why am I telling you this story?? To get to the following point.

After my aliya I said Hagomel. When arriving safely from air travel many people say Hagomel. [The Rabbi of this particular shul told me many years ago that Rav Soloveitchik held that one should NOT say Hagomel after flying because the gemara says to say it after arriving safely from the sea and most planes don't travel in the water. The counter argument is that if not for G-d's grace the plane would end up in the water so it warrants a Hagomel. I said the bracha because this Rabbi is now in the world of truth so I knew that he wouldn't be able to object. Plus, there in that ethereal world they probably pasken like the prevalent minhag to make the bracha after a flight].

Now I get to my point. Most people find davening monotonous and boooorrriinggggg. Same old thing each time. No excitement. No emotion. No passion. No stimulation. So what would I have LOVED to do? To sing. There is a very popular song played at every wedding - "Hagoiiiiiiiiiimel lachayavim toivos, shegmalani kol tooooov, hagoiiimellll lichayavim toivos shegmalani kol tov. Mi shegmalcha kol tov huuuuuuu yigmalcha kol tooov seeeeeeelahhhh. Ay yay ya...." [Please sing it and email me that you did] Then everybody would have gotten up and danced. For ten minutes we would have celebrated the fact that despite the frightening turbulence that we experienced and the impending storm, we nevertheless arrived safely. Had we not, hundreds would have been dead chas vi-shalom. Thousand of people would have lost parents, siblings, children etc. My wife would have been an almonoh. Mevakesh would have been laid to rest. CHAS VI-SHALOOOMMMM!!! LET'S CELEBRATE THE GIFT OF LIFE!!!

But no. No way. I conformed to the dictates of society and said the bracha in a boring voice, everybody pitched in with their prepared response "Mi shgmalcha" etc. and that was the end of that. No inspiration. No passion. No simcha.

If I ever have a shul or beis medrash things will be different im yirtzeh Hashem. 

Haaaaaaa-goiiiiimeelllllll lichayavim toivosssss........:-)