I read an article in a magazine by a woman who faithfully cared for her childless aunt for many years. After she passed away this woman describes in heart wrenching terms her intense guilt over having inherited a multi family Jerusalem apartment from her late aunt.
I have discussed this numerous times on these pages: We are ALL giving "color commentary" to every event that happens to us. Just like in televised [or radio broadcast] sports - you have the play by play guy describing what actually happens and you have the color commentator analyzing what happens. To use Talmudic terminology "הא בהא לא סגיא!!" - if you are SERIOUS about your sports you need BOTH. [You ALSO need 24 hour sports talk radio!!:-). W-Fan! My virtual imaginary radio station is W-ally on the dial...].
We first immediately, instantaneously tell ourselves what we are seeing [miraculously we can make this determination in a tiny fraction of a second tens of thousands of times a day - THANK YOU HASHEM FOR WISDOM!!!] and then we interpret this event [also in a heartbeat]. [Nevuah has similar mechanics as was just spoken about here]. All events are neutral and await our interpretation to give them meaning. So if we get stuck in traffic, bumper to bumper on the GW, we first determine that we are stuck in traffic [neutral] and then decide [or follow our instincts and habitual modes of thinking] how to interpret this event. One person [or actually most people] will say to himself "Bummer. Traffic stinks!!" Another will say "HOW AWE-SOME!! I am in love with this girl and here she is sitting right next to me and there is nowhere to go!! A true taste of bliss." A third person will say "GREAT - more time to listen to a shiur before arriving at my destination." While a forth will have fantasies of owning a helicopter in order to consistently avoid traffic jams. It is ALL in the interpretation, in our personal narrative.
Back to our lady. Facts: Her aunt died and left her an apartment worth around a million dollars. Now she is free to interpret how she wishes. What is her narrative going to be. She chose GUILT. Why? What did she do wrong?? NOTHING!!! She just faithfully tended to her aunt's needs for years. Her aunt WILLINGLY bequeathed her the apartment [I am looking for such an aunt...]. Hashem runs the world and He clearly ALSO wants this devoted niece to receive this apartment. So be sad your aunt died and be FILLED with joy that you have merited this HUUUUUUGE windfall. Don't let the emotions dissipate. Thank Hashem EVERY DAY of the rest of your life that you can now marry off all of your children with NO PROBLEM!! That you can buy the cottage cheese in the supermarket even if it is not on sale. That you can take taxis more often - whatever your pleasure. Maybe you will rent it out - 2 thousand dollars a month with ZERO EFFORT.
THANK YOU HASHEM!!!!! Why give yourself such heartache with such totally undeserved guilt when you can at the same time be filled with gratitude - towards your aunt [and uncle, who ostensibly purchased the apartment] and Hashem. This woman is a clearly a giver and doesn't like to take and G-D BLESS HER for that- but even givers have to take in order to be able to give more.
This is a binyan av, a paradigm, for our lives. We can choose whether to give events a positive or negative spin.
