But YK [predictably] tells the world that the fault lies with ALL of the Orthodox community. Me you and everyone reading this. Instead of being the rigid, unbending, intolerant types who drive innocent people to commit suicide, we should instead see the world HIS way and support and encourage people through their process [of פריקת עול - throwing off the yoke of heaven] [really, he writes that:-)] and their path to "self discovery".
Why does self discovery involve wearing very little clothing in public [for women] and simulating the third kinyan kiddushin with many different partners, without actually making a kinyan and when it is anything but kadosh [for men]? Self discovery also involves causing one's parents limitless anguish, eating without making a bracha and being mechalel shabbos.
So deep.
Humor aside [the gemara says that all leitzanus is assur except for leitzanus from avoda zara. I think that this could be extended to leitzanus about people and movements that try to undermine the basis of 3,500 years of history and countless acts of mesirus nefesh to preserve it]: A child who goes off the derech must be loved. He must be loved not because we approve of what he is doing but because he or she has a G-dly soul.
We must also hate him.
Really.
The gemara says so at the end of Pesachim [קי"ג]. So we hate the evil side of him and love the G-dly soul. See Tanya chapter 32 and you will see what I mean. I am just plagiarizing what the Baal Hatanya said but it's not plagiarism because I told you. ["If you copy from one person it's plagiarism. If you copy from many it's research":-)]. We don't believe that the evil is really him anyway. We assume that deep down he wants to do the right thing. But if one is doing evil acts and someone else loves the evil - then he becomes evil. [Rav Kook has a letter where he says that he HATES the reshaim but he is being nice to them for kiruv purposes. He truly loved them and truly hated them - by his own admission].
We hate Nazis. We hate terrorists. We hate all evil. אוהבי ה' שנאו רע. G-d is completely good. If you love Him, then you hate evil. You hate evil traits such as גאוה תאוה קנאה קמצנות and many others. You love all of the good traits that are out there.
The child should be shown LOVE. As Chazal say שמאל דוחה וימין מקרבת. He should be brought close with the ימין - the stronger, right hand. Sometimes a weaker left hand is necessary to show that his behavior is not acceptable. This is not the wild west. When I misbehaved as a child, I had a European father zol zein gezunt who let me know. Thank G-d, he raised 4 unspoiled well behaved children.
Very often one should not even rebuke the child. In many instances, this will push him away further. So we love unconditionally, we show the love unconditionally but we don't support פריקת עול. We are repulsed by it. Our ancestors would starve before they would put something unkosher in their mouths.
The Klausenberger Rebbe was starving in the camps but wouldn't eat without netilas yodaim. When he found some water it dripped painfully slowly until he had a shiur and could wash. These are our heroes. Please listen to my holocaust responsa series on line.
When a child goes off it is a tragedy, in some ways worse that death. Physical death is all an optical illusion anyway [Maran HaRav in a famous passage that I often quote and have discussed on these pages] while spiritual death is real and eternal. I would much rather die here than die there.
It is not the fault of the Orthodox community that OTD's commit suicide. I am not a fan of blaming others for a person's actions. I like when people take responsibility for their behavior. I also don't like it when people use a tragedy as a springboard to heap criticism on undeserving people. So YK and his ilk should do what ever Jew must do when tragedy strikes. יפשפש במעשיו - Search his own deeds, as the gemara teaches, not the deeds of others.
What we can do is spread love, Torah and kindness wherever we go and to whomever we meet without ever blurring the lines or forgetting the difference between good and evil. Instead of attacking Satmar for their misdeeds against him when he went off, he can instead laud them for all of the chesed they do and admire their strong convictions that preserve their long held faith and customs. I am no Satmar Chossid and let us say that as a devotee of Rav Kook I am on the other side of the fence not even barely in the same ball park. But I will say this: The Satmar Rov [R' Yoelish] had more chesed in his little pinky toe than almost everybody I know has in their whole body.
Anyone who has ever been in most hospitals knows that his chasidim and chassidos follow his example.
So instead of spreading venom - let's spread light and great ahava to all.
הצדיקים הטהורים אינם קובלים על הרשעה אלא מוסיפים צדק, אינם קובלים על הכפירה אלא מוסיפים אמונה, אינם קובלים על הבערות אלא מוסיפים חוכמה.
- הרב קוק
{ מתוך הספר "ערפילי טוהר" (עמ' ל"ט) }
"Pure Tzaddikim
Don't complain about evil
Rather they add righteousness
They don't complain about heresy
Rather they add faith
They don't complain about ignorance
Rather they add wisdom"
Rav Kook Zatz"l
Check out this link of Rav Grossman. He is one of the greatest of the great of this generation. He goes to the lowest dregs of society and does everything he can to give them some ruchniyus - even watching a soccer match which interests him as much as he is interested in smelling the foot odor of Benyamin Netanyahu. But he sits with them bcause he loves Jews unconditionally and wants to bring them close. We should all be zoche!
