Oprah Winfrey says that she has spoken to over 30,000 people on her show and the common denominator between all of them [besides that they helped make her the richest black woman in the history of creation - 2.5 BILLION at last check. Hey, I'll also ask people a bunch of questions for that money. I just can't be forced to wear all the makeup she does. I am beautiful just the way I am. And no changing hairdos like her. I tell the barber - number 1 all around, two in the peyos area. זהו!] is that they want to be VALIDATED.
I would tend to agree that this is a basic human need. Sometimes I find myself wanting a bit of validation and find none forthcoming. I mean, by many measuring sticks I am a HUUUUUGGE loser. Most of my friends growing up are at the top of their professions, influential Rabbonim and educators, doctors, lawyers, investment bankers, real estate tycoons etc. etc., raking in the bucks and prominent in their communities. I am just an unemployed former Torah teacher who nobody wants to hire, am not that smart or knowledgeable or talented [which I guess is why I can't find a job] and am but one of tens of thousands of Avreichim. So where can I find MY validation? Like, that I matter?
So here is my secret for us all [shhhhhhh - don't tell]: Don't look outside - look INSIDE!!! Are you living according to your beliefs and principals? Are your motivations for doing good self-serving or other-serving? Do you care about the greater community or only about yourself and personal issues? Are you constantly striving to grow? Is your body used to serve and elevate your soul or do you just use your soul in order to satisfy the wants and desires of the body? Do you worship money by, among other things, thinking about it during davening and on Shabbos and by being a cheapo when it comes to being generous with it? When you go to a wedding, is to be mesameach chosson vi-kallah or yourself? Do you view your children as sources of pleasure for yourself or do you care about their needs independent of your own hopes for them? Do you daven for others with the same intensity that you daven for yourself? Do you mitzvos for Olam Haba or for Hashem?
If one can answer these questions on the side of what is good, right and holy, then you are INHERENTLY VALIDATED by the Creator Himself.
Isn't that the BEST? MUCH BETTER than what any human being, mere flesh and blood [בשר ודגים] can give you?
Of course there is another type of validation that goes beyond one's deeds. The Halacha is that EVERY JEW must violate Shabbos a MILLION TIMES [if necessary] in order to give you ONE MORE SECOND of life. Doesn't that prove your inherent value?
Don't judge a person [and primarily yourself] based on what he/she DOES, what they "accomplished", how much money they have [which we insanely call their "net worth"], what titles they hold ["head of the department"], but based on who the essential person is. The ONLY PERSON who we really have any inkling of who they REALLY ARE is ..... ourselves.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT!!
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