At a wedding in Bnei Brak, I met Rabbi Yaakov Ettinger, who had studied in Yeshivah Kol Torah where Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (1910-1995) was the Rosh Yeshivah. Rabbi Ettinger remained close to Rav Shlomo Zalman throughout his life and merited to receive a warm letter of approbation for his sefer, Menuchas Yaakov, on the laws of muktzeh.
Rav Ettinger was delighted to retell this beautiful story of chessed performed by his beloved rebbi, which displays Rav Shlomo Zalman’s sensitivity and compassion. Rabbi Yisroel Ganz, a noted rav and posek in the Mattersdorf section of Yerushalayim, once approached Rav Shlomo Zalman with the following dilemma. A young engaged couple were involved in a controversy. The kallah had anticipated being given a golden wedding band under the chuppah, like most kallahs, but the chassan was insisting, for kabbalistic reasons, on giving her a silver ring. The kallah contended that every kallah she knew had received a gold ring; gold is more valuable than silver, and, after all, she was the one who’d be wearing the ring, so the choice should be hers. Rav Shlomo Zalman asked Rav Ganz to bring the couple to him. When they arrived, Rav Shlomo Zalman listened to what each had to say and then he asked the chassan to step out so the rav could talk privately with the kallah. With patience and kindness, he convinced her to abide by her chassan’s wishes, as he was a respected talmid chacham and had credible reasons for his choice of a ring.
R’ Dovid Friedman of Passaic, New Jersey, showed me the sefer Minhag Yisrael Torah (Chelek Even Ha’ezer, p. 131) by Rabbi Yosef Lowey, which explains reasons for both views: One is betrothed with a gold ring, for it is the most expensive of metals so as to enhance the pride of Jewish brides who are not betrothed with cheaper materials (Teshuvos Maimoni, Hilchos Ishus no. 19 and Sefer Yefei Lev 31:1). However, there are those, among them the Ben Ish Chai, who contend that a silver ring should be used. The Shulchan Ezer explains that the prevalent custom in Yerushalayim is to use a silver ring; because Chazal (Kiddushin 2a) derive the law of the kiddushin ceremony from Avraham’s purchase of the Me’aras Hamachpeilah. His payment for the Cave was made with silver (Bereishis 23:13), so the chassan’s “acquisition” should be made with silver. As the kallah thanked Rav Shlomo Zalman for his time and was about to leave, Rav Shlomo Zalman gave her a check. “This is for you,” he said. “Buy yourself a golden ring. It’s my wedding gift to you.” The kallah was astonished.
In his astuteness, Rav Shlomo Zalman not only settled the argument, but both the chassan and kallah were empowered and invigorated by his sacred words and deeds. The kallah always wore both rings with pride. This is only a small example of Rav Shlomo Zalman’s sensitivity.
Rabbi Krohn
