There is a beautiful expression, “Students don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Everyone wants to be loved, cared for, and validated. In fact, when a rebbi or morah makes a student feel that way, the bonds of connection are powerful. This was the connection talmidim had with their beloved, revered Rosh Yeshivah, Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel (1943-2011).
In the ArtScroll biography, Rav Nosson Tzvi, written by his mother Rebbetzin Sara Finkel and Rabbi Yehuda Heimowitz, three incidents typify this relationship. The wife of a chavrusa of Rav Nosson Tzvi was having a difficult labor. At 10 p.m., the talmid called the Rosh Yeshivah’s house. Rebbetzin Finkel answered. The chavrusa asked that the Rosh Yeshivah daven for his wife that the birth should happen soon and safely. The Rebbetzin conveyed the message to the Rosh Yeshivah. The baby was born at 1 o’clock in the morning. The next morning, Reb Nosson Tzvi and his wife were eating breakfast when the young man came to tell him the news. Before he had a chance to say anything, Reb Nosson Tzvi said, “Oh, mazel tov on the baby girl.” The man was shocked. “How did the Rosh Yeshivah know that?” He hadn’t called him when the baby was born. The Rebbetzin answered, “At 3 o’clock in the morning we were still up and saying Tehillim, so the Rosh Yeshivah called the maternity ward and he heard that the baby had been born and that mother and baby were doing well.” That’s caring, that’s concern, that’s validation.
Another story in the book really touched me. On the first night of Rosh Hashanah, hundreds of talmidim were filing by to wish Reb Nosson Tzvi a good year. Even though it took a very long time, he would look at every person and give a warm berachah. When the turn of one talmid came, Reb Nosson Tzvi took him aside and asked his name and how he was doing. Later, the Rosh Yeshivah’s brother Reb Gedaliah asked, “Why did you single out this bachur from all the other bachurim?” “I noticed that his tie wasn’t straight,” the Rosh Yeshivah replied. “He looked a little bit disheveled. It seemed to me that he was going through a difficult time.” Sure enough, he was. The chizuk that Reb Nosson Tzvi gave him lifted his spirits.
In a third incident, in the early 1990’s, the Rosh Yeshivah married off one of his children in Bnei Brak, and many talmidim traveled there to dance with him. There were many important people at the wedding, but Reb Nosson Tzvi concentrated on dancing with his talmidim. At his next Shmuess, he said, “I want you to know that after the chasunah, my mechutan told me that he has been in chinuch for many years, and he never saw such a relationship, such an outpouring of love that we have for each other. The mechutan said it was an ‘ocean of love.’” The Rosh Yeshivah paused for a moment and then said with a big smile, “I just wanted to say thank you.” The warmth, the love, and the chessed of that man are still felt today by the talmidim who studied with him years ago.
R' Krohn
