The other day I met a guy on the street in front of the Shul.
I wasn’t really in the schmoozing mood; however, he insisted on telling me this long winded, complicated and somewhat convoluted story about how he and his mother in law don’t get along and how he wished they would, however…..
The story went on and on; seemingly without any ending or even a beginning for that matter.
Finally, after what seemed to me to be at least one hour, he said, “So Rabbi, how are you doing?”
I was happy he finally asked about me instead of just jabbering about himself.
However, faster than I could say “Baruch Hashem” he cut me off in mid ‘Baruch’ and said, “Look rabbi, I know you are busy and I’m sure you have a million things to do so “I will let you go now”.
I looked at him and wanted to say:
“Are you for real?
You spend an hour “hocking my chinak” about your mother-in-law and your brother-in-law and your sister-in-law and you included everyone’s birthday and Yahrtzeit in your saga and I say one work and suddenly you are ‘letting me go’?
Look, why can’t you tell the truth?
You are not interested in what I have to say, and now that you said your piece you are ready to go.
So please don’t pander to me by making believe you are ending the conversation for my benefit. You have no interest in hearing my ‘stuff’ and that’s the truth.
Don’t make yourself a Tzaddik by claiming you are doing me a favor by ‘letting me go’ now!”
However, the question is why do we all do that?
If we want to end a conversation, why can’t we say, “Excuse me, however, I did not realize the time and I have to be somewhere now?”
Why do we too often insist on creating the false impression that we are really interested in continuing the conversation; it’s just that we are doing the other person a favor by ‘letting them go’?
I’ll tell you why!
Because we are truthfully not at peace with ourselves for ending the conversation when we feel the other person has what to say.
So to cover up for our own rudeness, we create the illusion that we doing the other person a favor by concluding the conversation while in truth it is we who are ending it.
The next time someone tells me “I’ll bet you have to go now- so I’ll let you go”- I am going to answer, “No not at all. In fact I have all the time in the world. Let’s sit down and have a drink of water for I am in no rush at all and I have a lot to fill you in about”.
How will the person react then?
I have a hunch it will not be the most pleasant of responses.
Bottom line: if you want to end the conversation, say so; but don’t pin the blame on your listener.
