Wednesday, June 7, 2017


I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent".

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

I bet you I could stop gambling.

Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that... 'This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purposes.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter -none of them work.