DENVER, CO — Local man Grant Henderson reported disappointment once again at having his sharp wit and keen sense of humor completely wasted on the cashier checking out his groceries.
"I zapped her with a ‘Working hard or hardly working?' and she just sort of stared at me. I mean, c'mon, that's a good line!" Henderson told reporters. "When she scanned the packet of bird seed, I asked her if she knew how long it took for the birds to grow once the seeds have been planted. Whatta line!! No laugh. Zilcho."
17-year-old checker Sally Olson admitted she didn't realize Henderson was making jokes. "I thought he was talking to someone else. He was trying to be funny?"
Henderson tried to take his show on the road and dazzle the kid bagging his groceries with a "It's a nice day, what are you doing inside all day?' and he didn't even blink. I wonder if these kids don't speak English or something…"
"When I worked as a cashier I was fired when a customer picked up something from the counter, walked up to me and said, "I'd like to pay for a bagel with cream cheese.." I answered, "I'm sorry sir, we only accept cash or credit". That was it for me. I was gone."
Henderson related: "The other day, I had the meanest, slowest, rudest cashier I've ever had. I guess it's my fault for using the self-checkout."
"Recently, I encountered a young cashier while checking out. My total was $4.07 to so I handed him a $5 bill and 7 pennies. Confused, he said, "This is too much, just give me the $5 bill." I tried explaining to him that I didn't want change back. This situation still had him bewildered as if he doesn't understand the basics regarding math and money.
I was equally as baffled at his confusion to which I said, "This situation makes no cents to me."
"I once went shopping with my 3 year old son. He was crying loudly and I kept repeating calmly: "It's ok Johnny, don't cry Johnny, everything's gonna be fine." When we reached the cashier, my kid continued to cry louder but I kept repeating calmly: "We're almost done Johnny, you're gonna be home soon Johnny, everything's gonna be fine."
The cashier is like: "Wow, It's amazing how you can speak so calmly to your son, Johnny!"
I explained: "Actually my son's name is George. I am the Johnny".
Henderson told our reporter: "I told a joke to a cashier today. It didn't register."
Punny.
He added: "So I was making a purchase and after ringing up my order, the cashier asks "would you like to make a donation to cancer treatment research?"
I said "no, they're just gonna spend it on drugs".
"The cashier at Costco dared to ask me why I’m buying a giant tub of whiteout.
Big mistake."
At publishing time, Henderson's comedic chops failed to amuse the waitress at the restaurant he and his wife were dining at, an error he chalked up to her probably not being able to hear him properly.
