The other day a man [Yemenite - if that matters] came into shul collecting money. He related that he has a 34 year old daughter was born mentally ill. She needs dental treatment that will cost from 80 to 100 thousand shekel [she needs full anesthesia]. In addition, his wife is physically ill so he must run the home and can't work. He is also heavily in debt from marrying off numerous children. To top it all off, two of his married sons are having infertility problems, so he took upon himself to pay for their treatments as well.
I was, to say the least, not comfortable with the last part of his story [not that the entire story wasn't heartbreaking]. Why does this poor suffering, not young man, have to pay for his children's fertility treatments?? If he had the money - all the power to him. But he doesn't. He has to go from neighborhood to neighborhood begging. How can they let him do that?? [I expressed this to him after apologizing for budding in - he was less than receptive to my objections. I probably should have kept my mouth shut]. Maybe I don't know the whole story so I will leave my judgments aside and talk about the principal of the matter.
The Gemara in Kiddushin [45] says that while a parent may be a שליח [agent] to marry off his child [i.e. the parent of the boy goes to the girl and hands her money in front of two witnesses in order to effect a marriage between her and the son], it is not fitting for the child to ask him to do so. The gemara calls it CHUTZPAH [!!!]. OUR PARENTS DON'T WORK FOR US!!! We "work" for them. The poskim cite this gemara as a source that one is not permitted to ask his parent to service him. It is only permitted if the parent is absolutely מוחל on their כבוד. So when your mother serves you dinner - she is THRILLED TO DO IT ["eat more - you're so skinny"]. Pure מחילה. She wouldn't have it any other way. But to beg door to door on behalf of a child? I believe that this is not a classic case of forgiving their honor but more - it is a case of a parent disgracing himself [בזיון] on the child's behalf. No child may allow for this to happen. A parent cannot be מוחל on their בזיון.
As children, we get accustomed to our parents serving us. As we mature both physically, emotionally and spiritually, we must be careful to make a switch in our brains and realize that we are here to serve them.
